On Monday night I had a fairly intense dream. I was in a plane flying somewhere and we had to go through some clouds. In the middle of the clouds was a huge dark patch. I was talking to someone… one of the pilots I think. I asked if there was another way around. The pilot said there wasn’t and that we’d be fine.

As the plane drew closer to the dark patch, ice started hitting and sticking to the cockpit window. The ice was hitting faster and faster over time. Then I woke up.

When I was a kid, I would get nosebleeds fairly frequently. Around the start of my teenage years it stopped happening, thankfully, but it was becoming a serious problem at the time.

I remember them being light sometimes and heavy most of the time. Eventually would could be described as a huge clot would come out and the bleeding would stop shortly after. Being a kid and having this happen, I wasn’t aware of what it could have meant. To me it was a part of life that was inconvenient and frustrating, but that was it.

Over the past couple of days, I’ve had some dried (and wet) blood come out of my nose whenever I’ve blown it. I am a bit concerned but not enough to make me worry too much.

Bleeding aside, I do like how breathing feels afterwards. Kind of like a mint is in there.

I’m not sure if that is strange or not. Oh well.

Every now and then I wake up and feel as though my ex is holding me. It’s weird because I remember how her arms and hands and body felt so well, it comes as a shock that she’s not actually there. I guess that has to do with the brief period of becoming aware when waking up.

Tonight I’ll be doing body conditioning outside for the first time in a while. For the last 6 weeks it has been inside, so I’m looking forward to the change.

I know I’ve improved a lot since I started, but I could be much better than I am right now.

Sometimes I stare into space and begin to lose myself in my thoughts. It is almost as if I leave the room with only an image remaining. My mind runs a lot faster than my mouth can, so when I drop completely into it a lot more thoughts come flooding in over a small amount of time. After a few minutes I return to reality very suddenly. It always feels much longer though.

No real updates in regards to my ex. Still missing her. Still wanting to see her lovely smile and her beautiful eyes. Still wanting to show my worth but thinking it’s a bad idea. Wanting to do all the stupid stuff we used to do together. Wanting to hold her tightly. Wanting to blah blah blah blah blah… EX!

You all get the idea at this stage, but I am a confused and somewhat angsty young adult.

Oh well. Conditioning time.