One Thousand Word Challenge 271: Mental Health Stuff

Posted on April 5, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

It’s still the afternoon and I’m still driven, so I might as well churn out some more. Might as well keep on going, try to find more space to churn out more words and drive, drive on to wherever it all leads.

I’ve been feeling like absolute shit for a good few weeks. Just rough, horrid, all those things. I’ve been feeling it and going through the motions. A lot of dark thoughts. A lot of potential no going backs, and I have to say, I’m glad I did not take those steps. But I’ve been in a retched state, my mind flipping and churning and tossing and taking me to places I don’t want to go. Places I never want to go to. But I’m still here,.

There are a lot of rough times in my life, and I’ve gotten through them all. It doesn’t get easier, but it doesn’t get more difficult, either. The way to handle them changes, and if you’re not handling them in a healthy way, then they are going to get more intense over time, unless you’re lucky, in which case, I’m glad you are.

I can sit here and say this without much issue as I feel I’m fine, but there’s a good change that I’;m not out of the woods as of yet. There’s a good chance that I still have a long way to go to get through it all and keep on going. But you know, there’s no point in stopping, for me. There are some who will over time, and that’s tragic, but there are reasons why they choose to exit early. And you try and help, but if they choose to do that, they are not selfish. They are struggling and have come to a point where they genuinely believe that it is for the best. But you have to try where you can, because these are people who deserve better in their lives.

We all deserve better, really, and perhaps we do not allow ourselves enough to get better. It’s never as good as we want it. And we should make sure it is better for others. Life, that is. There’s too much shit, too much suffering. Too much pain and misery that we let slide on by for no good reason, and I don’t know why we keep letting it happen. It doesn’t make sense to me.

It’s always good to try and help others where you can. I’ve had some frie3nds help me through the absolute shit I’ve been through, and especially over the last year and the last few weeks. But I was doing awfully, and it was tough.

It was tough to get through all of that heavy emotion, all that weighted pain that I was carrying upon myself. As said just before, there’s a good chance I still have a long way to go, but I’m getting there. If I’m not fine now, I’m getting there.

It’s all a journey and all that other crap that people say, but the thing is it feels more like an ordeal. A constant raining down of rage and ruin, and pain blossoms like nothing else. It just keeps on going and you’re pressed down, crushed, subjugated by what’s affecting you. It just keeps going and it doesn’t stop, and it’s tiring. It’s so incredibly tiring, but you have to keep going if you can. And that’s what I’ve done and that’s what I’m continuing to do.

To speak a bit more personally, I’m going through the process of getting a mental health plan organised. It’ll help, I hope.

To speak a bit more personally. As though this already isn’t quite personal.

But I got lucky. I got lucky in getting at least to a point where I can write the way I’m writing right now. Where I can churn out words like tomorrow is not coming. Where I can get things done. There are so many people who aren’t lucky in that regard. So many people forgotten about because they’re fine, no need to check up on them. But you need to check up on people. You need to make sure that they are okay. There are so many who aren’t and there are so many who see things like R U Okay? day as a chance for people to make incredibly token gestures, and it doesn’t help. You need to actually check on people. Check on your friends.

What if the reason your friends’ attitudes are getting a bit iffy is that they’re going through hell? What if it’s because they’re suffering and no one checks in on them and instead all that people do is react? Sometimes it’s fucking hard to reach out to people. Sometimes it feels like the hardest thing in the world, and yeah, we have an obligation to seek help where we can, but we also have an obligation to make sure the people in our lives are okay. And maybe they are, which is awesome. And maybe they aren’t, and your reaching out of your own accord just to check in on someone is what might’ve given them the little bit they needed to be able to go reach out and seek help.

This stuff can become too much to hear, that is true. We still try where we can. We try and we keep going, and we keep working at it.

Sometimes I feel so worn down and broken. Sometimes I feel hopeless about where my life is going, and sometimes I crash. Sometimes I don’t see a way out. I’m lucky. I’m lucky I’ve got the people in my life that care about me and are there for me when I need them and there for me when I don’t. I’m lucky that I get to see them and talk to them, and I’m lucky that I’m not spiraling right now. But it’s early days. Always is, and so I just need to keep on going.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 14:24:79

Bit slower, bit more thoughtful. Still a mess. I think I’m getting across what I was hoping to get across, however.

Written at home.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 270: An Exercise in Gibberish

Posted on April 5, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

Usual don’t know what to write about crap and you know how all of that goes, so I’m not going to go on about it. Instead, I’m going to complain about one of my housemates and their usual showers that go for around forty minutes. Regularly. Frequently. Like clockwork.

It’s annoying and that’s all I have to say about it, really.

But I’ wondering if I will finish this before they finish their shower. Probably not. Yet to find out. Only one way and all that other stuff that sounds good when put into writing.

So I sit here and there aren’t many days left. A lot of writing to go, still. A lot of cleaning up to do. Can get it done, but probably won’t and now I’m kind of okay with that, to be honest. Getting there, getting through the things. Getting through it all, trying to think about other things. My mind is elsewhere right now and that’s not a good place to be. I’ll get there though. I’ll get through it all and I’ll get my say in and then that will be that, and I’ll move to wherever next. Whatever comes next is whatever is on my plate. Whatever is on my plate is actually quite a lot of writing about things and those things getting put down onto paper and then that paper going into the mail and that mail being found by the right people at the right time so it can be disposed of in the proper way. That’s the way it ways, or so they say along the way.

But I need to think about the next few hours. I want today to be bloated and it most certainly isn’t/ This is an issue as I’m trying to create more mess and more work, and if I don’t have the bloat here with me, or with you, then how am I creating enough mess? All I’ll have is a pleasant tidiness and that is most definitely not what I want.

I’m gonna be so burned out at the end of this all.

So now I need to think about things and how those things go here and there, and there and here, and I wonder as to when they will find a way to collide with each other and how they will do that and the other things that they will do, and now I have to wonder if I’m really saying anything at all. I mean, I know I am saying something, but I still want to actually say something rather than what I have been saying, which is very little. I want to find the right words at the right time and get it all said and done and then get on with my life. Still, plenty of things to do and places to be and other things to find along the way, and maybe, just maybe, I will get to the bottom of the nothingness that fills my heart with silence when the moon shines its greying light upon a vast ocean that reaches far deeper than I’ll ever know. It’s the way it goes and sometimes on Sundays the weather reveals where the real path into the depths lies, and realistically it;s all internal stuff anyway.

But of course that doesn’t really say much of anything at all. That’s just a bunch of words thrown together, and sure, they’re thrown together well enough, but that’s all that is. Nothing more, nothing less. The way it goes and the way it will be. And then there will be other things, too. So therefore… yeah.

I know I’ll be writing more crap after this, and I’m glad I’m actually getting started, but I already want to take it easy. I’ve been relaxing all afternoon, so I don’t think I can justify it, but I want to be able to justify it.

Housemate finished showering.

But I want to be lazy for the rest of the day, and to be honest I want to stop doing this now. But I’ve got a target and it’s not too far away, and I’m gonna hit it and then that will be that. Nothing more, nothing else. All good times, bad times, and I know I’ve had my share.

So for now I keep on racing forward. I keep racing to whatever lies into tomorrow, and I take my time and do what I can to get there in all the pieces that are known as one. I know that come tomorrow, I’ll be ramping things up considerably as I don’t have much of a choice, but I can get there. I’ve been through worse in my life. I’ve done a lot with my life and made the most of a lot of time. I can get to whatever lies ahead and whatever lies in tomorrow. I can do that without much issue, I hope. I really do hope.

Regardless of what happens, I’ll he here beavering away. I’ll be getting all the things caught up and tidy and that starts today, really. Well, it starts now as most of today is gone but I suppose that still constitutes today, but you know how these things go.

Soon I’ll be back on the road and I’ll be making my way around, through things, through places, through spaces… all of those things. I’ll be getting on with the getting on and on I will be getting on with the on getting, and then sometimes it will be the other way around. Or it won’t. Who knows?

So this has mostly been an exercise in gibberish, but that’s okay. It’s okay to write absolute shit sometimes, so long as you keep working on getting better with your writing. So long as you keep working on your craft. So long as you do that, you could very well be fine. Or you could not. There are many ways things could go, and it depends on approach.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 10:44:35

Much faster than the prior one. Not great writing, but still much faster and I’m happy about that.

Written at home.

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Mercury, Part 2

Posted on April 5, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

So here’s part 2 (part 1 here). Decided to share the whole thing because why not. It’s not good writing, though participating in NaNoWriMo was never about writing well, but rather (among other things) getting a workable draft manuscript that could then be worked into a presentable one.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Harvey had been twiddling their thumbs for a while now. It was a day off, or at least a month off and it was well earned – paid too – and it looked like it was going to end up extending farther. They were waiting for some news to come through about fixing their mixing interface, and sure, they could’ve read something, but they didn’t feel like reading much. It was a listless day and they were most certainly feeling listless.

Plenty of time was spent staring at the ceiling of their bedroom, and some time was spent on the couch without switching on the TV. They thought they’d try and watch something to pass the time but they couldn’t think of anything they wanted to watch. Sometimes the days felt like they dragged into years into decades, and they certainly did, but not in the way that they felt to Harvey at that particular point in time.

It was a calm and quiet afternoon, and perhaps the first bit of time when Harvey felt like there was a true silence, or at least whatever idea of silence their tinnitus would allow them to believe, for it was something they could no longer remember, though they certainly could imagine an idea of what silence sounded like.

As they were plodding around Cave woke up, came out of their room and made their way to the kitchen. Coffee was brewed, for it was an evening day for Cave, and soon coffee was had. They parked themselves next to Harvey and spoke.

“You know, isn’t it interesting that when Mercury is in retrograde, technology doesn’t work as well as it usually does?”

“That’s a load of shit. You know that, right?”

“No, it’s true.”

This was a conversation that Harvey didn’t feel much like having, but they were drawn in in the way that they usually were. It was not something worth fighting. Cave had their beliefs, and regardless of how fallacious they were Harvey knew it was not possible to get Cave to think of the alternatives that had dispelled the beliefs that people once held about the planets. It was not a hill worth dying on, and yet Harvey would, more often than not, fall into this argument. It was almost as though Cave were intentionally trying to bait him, to get Harvey to fight, and sometimes it was also as though Cave was happier to have the argument.

Harvey wondered if Cave held some sort of power over him in this regard, as though he had the ability to command Harvey into a pointless argument. Harvey wondered if Cave knew about this power, and wondered if it was intentional. Maybe it wasn’t but there still was some sort of compelling about it that he could not get past, and so, instead of getting off the couch and walking away, he bit.

“The planets do not affect how technology works.”

“But haven’t you noticed that your phone doesn’t work as well when Mercury is in retrograde?”

“Cave, Mercury Retrograde refers to a pattern where Mercury looks like it is moving backward in the sky. It is not a real thing other than a slight optical illusion. It is not the planet actually moving backward. The planet is far away; it’s not in the sky, but we are able to see it with the right tools. It does not affect technology. It just does its thing and then fucks off.”

“Then what about your interface?”

“Mercury wasn’t in retrograde when it died.”

“You were having problems beforehand though, and they’d always happen at specific times.”

“They were increasing over time and it was due to the interface being old and my not giving it required maintenance. That has nothing to do with Mercury.”

“So you say, but it happens all the time. You just don’t want to notice it because it’s a routine thing.”

At this point, for once, Harvey found an out and they took it. They told Cave they were going to go for a walk to kill some time, got off the couch and left.

The air was brisk and crisp, and it made for a pleasant experience. Harvey’s pace was firm and steady, but they didn’t feel much like doing the walk as it was. It was more just the only chance they felt they had to get away from Cave and so they had to take it. They were hoping they’d hear back about his interface sooner rather than later. Having it break just as they were on paid leave was the worst time. More time than usual to work on music, and an inability to make much of it meant more conversations they were being drawn into that they did not want to take part of.

On that particular evening Mercury was going to be in retrograde once more, as it always was, and it was something they started to think about. Maybe they’d go check it out; maybe not, but they knew that it would come up again the moment they got home and so they did their best to buy more time.

They looked at some nearby playground equipment, quiet due to school hours still being quite in at that particular time of the day. They walked past the shops, past the local pub, past their train station and they kept on walking. They almost walked out of town, though it was easy enough to leave from the shops. They thought about walking to the observatory but decided against it, gave up and headed home.

When they got there they saw Cave reading on the couch and decided to head back out.

“I’m gonna head off.”

“You just got back.”

“I’m gonna go see Mercury in retrograde.”

“Thought that wasn’t your thing.”

“I don’t mind the planets. I mind the woo you attach to them.”

“Not my problem if you refuse to accept what is right in front of you.”

“They’re not right in front of me. I’m gonna go watch it. You can come if you want, but not a word.”

Cave was taken slight aback by this but accepted the offer. Soon the two of them were off, walking along to a clear viewing point. It was dusk and it stretched itself out.

The sounds of locusts were heavily audible, though it also seemed as though they were reaching across over a distance that was unable to be discerned. It matted little, but for a moment Harvey felt that they’d be able to remember silence if they pictured the place without the sound of locusts.

Eventually they found a good spot and just in time as Mercury began its movement across the sky, long and drawn out, though quite quick and efficient. The two stood there, staring out into space, watching the planet make its slow dance across the sky.

When Mercury began the retrograde path began to glow a little brighter than usual and sit began to leave a trail, or more accurately, Mercury seemed to grow in length, stretching out from the starting point of the retrograde path.

As the planet did this it went on with its usual appearing to go backward through the sky, but it seemed to also go backward in a forward motion. Understandably this is how it would normally appear, but on this particular path it seemed more so like that description. Harvey was perplexed by what they were witnessing, though they didn’t quite see everything. Cave was shocked and felt a deep sense of foreboding as the planet behaved in a way they didn’t expect.

Eventually Mercury’s path was complete and once it left the retrograde path it cut off from its elongated body, seeming to tear away. As it floated away the body disintegrated and it was as though it was never there. There was a deep silence between Harvey and Cave as they thought to themselves about what just happened. Individually they tried to recapture the image in their minds, but it seemed to reshape itself.

“You just saw that, right?”

“Yeah. That was amazing. You ever see anything like that?”

“No, never.”

“Maybe there is something to this Mercury retrograde crap. Maybe I can see why you believe such bullshit.”

“No, that was weird. Look, beliefs or not, that was weird. I… I don’t know what the make of that.”

“Yeah, but it was still nice. That has to be some sort of rare cosmic phenomena.”

“Yeah, maybe. Maybe we should speak to the eggheads in the observatory about that.”

“How unlike you. Anyway, maybe their technology didn’t work as well.”

“Yeah, you can stop now.”

“Alright. Look, how about we go get some food? Go get something to eat? Go to the pub and give some time to work out what we just saw?”

“Yeah, okay.”

And so they walked home first as it was on the way, and they tried to discuss what they saw, to try and make sense of it, but as they tried the more questions they had. Of course, they weren’t astronomers and lacked the terminology and understanding to make sense in a completely scientific manner. They were both artists of different types and styles and so the way they talked about what they saw came across in the form of logic that they themselves knew and understood. In this way they were able to interpret in an artistic exploration without issue, and through there they may have reached an answer, but ultimately they were no closer to understanding than they were when they bore witness to what they saw, and so they stumbled.

The closer to home they grew, the more impassioned their discussion became. Harvey was unable to divine through logic and Cave knew of no attached symbolism to the event, let along knew of the event they witnessed as existing before this evening. They even questioned if they had really seen anything or if they had both just happened to imagine the whole thing. Still, it was now over and they were hungry and felt a desire to drink, but they couldn’t shake the sense of foreboding.

As Harvey and Cave went to the pub, Cave couldn’t help but wonder if that same foreboding was creeping its way into Harvey.

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Perspective

Posted on April 5, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

Whilst wandering around the dunes I was at a few months ago I took a photo of this person around this spot. Checked it, realised how it looked, then (if I remember correctly)  I asked the person to stay where they were and got the photo.

I really like this as it’s a perspective trick, and whilst it could be better, I think the photo turned out really well. We were in a massive area which helps the person look smaller than they are, and I like how that smallness comes through. It’s a big world out there.

This is my submission into the three hundred-and-ninety-second Lens-Artists Photo Challenge. The theme for this one is “Framing Your Shots“. Specifically, it’s based around using the fore, middle, and background together to frame the scene.

In this instance most of the framing is comes from the foreground with the vegetation cutting into the middle and background. The slope of the dune in the background helps to make the vegetation feel larger and more enclosing as it goes into the branches. The middle ground being mostly uniform creates a lack of depth is also important here as it’s part of what helps make the person feel small.

The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:

Tina

Patti

Ann-Christine aka Leya

John Steiner

Sofia Alves

Anne Sandler

Egídio

Ritva

Beth

This one is curated by Patti. The next one is curated by Sofia.

I recommend joining the community and participating in the challenges. They’re pretty straightforward, allow room for interpretation, and provide a good way to think about photography in general. If not, however, then at the very least you should check out what others submit to the challenges.

I hope you enjoy.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 269: Rambling About Deep Forest

Posted on April 4, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

I’m listening to Deep Forest’s Deep Forest, an album (or at least some of the songs on it) that a good few people around my age are aware of as it’s music we heard when we were very young children, and “Sweet Lullaby” was used on SBS quite a lot through the nineties. It was used so much that some people consider the song SBS’ theme song, or at least associate it with SBS more than anything else.

I can’t defend listening to this album. It is rather problematic when it comes to cultural misrepresentation. I can only imagine that Deep Forest had good intentions, but there’s a clear ignorance here, and the result is an album that puts forward culture and peoples as exotic. It’s also music that often is employed, unthinkingly, by people firmly entrenched in cosmic woo, and who often have shitty beliefs tied into their embracing of cosmic woo. Not all people, but it occurs often enough.

So I can’t defend listening to an album that, for all of its hokey sound and how it puts forward other people, I still enjoy. It’s a cheap and tacky album. Deep Forest were in a position to try and say something genuine and ask questions, and maybe that was part of their intent. Maybe they were trying to highlight the music of other cultures and how it wasn’t all that different to Western cultures. I don’t know. I don’t know what the whole intent was here, but it doesn’t land. And I can’t defend my enjoying it, either.

I’m not trying to defend Deep Forest, or Deep Forest for that matter. I feel that that’s not a good idea for a number of reasons. However, I do want to say that I do enjoy the album as it is enjoyable, despite what it is. There’s something about it and the way it is crafted that appeals to me, and sometimes it really makes me feel things. Right now it’s making me feel things and I don’t like that too much, but what can I do? I could listen to other stuff of course, but this is what’s on my mind. This is what my ears want to hear and so this is what I’m going to listen to right now. Of course I have choices, but right now it’s this. Later on it’ll be something else, assuming I even get around to something else. I could just stick to this and put it on repeat a few times.

For me, a lot of this album is about the sound of it and the way the sounds integrate with each other. Everything seems to fit quite well, which I guess is fortunate for the group, because if it didn’t this album would be worth more criticism. Then again, it probably would also be forgotten.

Listening to Deep Forest makes me wonder as to how much music we listen to that’s problematic that we’ll hand-wave any criticism because we enjoy it. How far will we go to defend the indefensible? I wonder about this, and I think it’s important to think about. I don’t think it’s something we think about enough, because we often engage in a lot of problematic content and often that is unknowingly. It’s quite easy to be an active participant in supporting issues we’re not aware of, and if we spent a bit more time thinking about what we consume, I imagine that this would start changing a bit. Or at least, I’d hope it’d lead to some changes.

What I think is important is that, if you are going to engage in problematic media, you have to be willing to discuss the media itself, why it is problematic, what those problems lead to, the history of them… all that stuff. If you’re willing to get deep on something that you like or engage with, you should be willing to get deep on how it fits within the cultural landscape and how it might contribute to various issues. Otherwise if you’re going to get defensive about enjoying a work, you might just not be mature enough to admit that you could be contributing to issues, or you might not be willing to be accountable for your own actions.

On a personal level, it can be a tell of who would be better to avoid and who would be better to keep in my life, because something I’ve found is that often people who aren’t willing to discuss issues are the same people who will spout heinous shit without thinking, then proceed to try and defend it.

This might seem a bit moralistic, but I do place a lot of importance on this stuff. I think it’s important as it can help people grow and be informed, and people who are informed can make better decisions.

So I’m listening to Deep Forest’s Deep Forest and I’m enjoying it, but I will not defend it. There is a good chance that it did have some positive impact and did bring a general awareness of other cultures out there, but I don’t know how significant that impact would have been, if indeed it had an impact at all. Sure, it was a massive album, but a massive album does not mean massive awareness. Sometimes that just doesn’t happen. Still, if it meant a few more people started thinking about things on a larger scale, then that is some positive change. That is some awareness gained, and so that’s a good thing, I think. But that doesn’t make the album any less problematic.

Where does this album sit now? Where does it sit in the present, against contemporary music? Has it been influential on the shape of sound? I don’t know. It came and went, and it lasted a while in some places. In Australia, as a child I heard it a fair bit, or at least a few of the tracks, and so did many people around my age.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 20:58:32

Slow. I was thinking too much about what I was writing and how to get it across. Happy with what I said, but not happy with how I went about saying it.

Written at home.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 268: Plough Through

Posted on April 3, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

Waking up at four in the morning wasn’t great, but it happens. Choosing to stay awake instead of going back to sleep was, however, a bad idea. It’s not like I didn’t feel tired, either. I just chose to stay awake.

My thinking was that I’d get started on a productive day. Just give myself an hour or two to relax, take it easy, then go from there. Well, it’s now late into the afternoon and I’ve done nothing. I’ve paid the price for my own transgressions and I have no one to blame other than myself, and in this instance I am going to do nothing beyond blaming myself.

Well, I’m also going to get started on things, but other than that I’m not going to do anything else beyond the blaming of myself.

But yeah. What a day. What a loss. Sitting here trying to get started and failing miserably. It’s taken a lot of time and I’m now here, but at least I am starting. But I definitely have reckoned with my decision and I’ve felt I’ve let myself down. At the very least, someone is being let down. That’s a good thing. Or a bad thing. Or a thing.

So I get to sit here and crap on about how tired I am and about how I’ve screwed up by losing a day. I’ve still three more to plough through, howsoever. I can get back on track and getting back on track is what I intend to do… if I actually bother. I don’t know. I think I’d rather let the lack of sleep carry me away to wherever, and that wherever is likely to be somewhere down, sinking. Sinking into a deep sleep on a nice and comfortable bed of my choosing. One of the right materials and make and all of those other things, and that’d be quite exciting, actually. I could get behind that, or in front of that. It’s something I definitely could, but not always.

But yeah. Tired, carrying on, going forward one stumble at a time. Doing this in a brightened room as the light outside is not powerful enough to get inside enough to not warrant using the light at this particular time of the day, thus forcing my hand and so therefore I am forced to use the light if I want to not strain my eyes. This is not something I want to do as it means I have to admit defeat. The time of day has defeated me and now I can’t do much about that. I just have to keep on going, keep on hoping for the best.

But how can I hope for the best when the best is so far beyond me and my meagre understanding? How do I hope for something that I do not know. How dare I deign to hope for something greater than what I am, which is merely adequate?

I don’t know why I keep putting myself into this position. I don’t know why I allow myself to keep on having a certain feeling that leads to me thinking that the best is attainable in my life when all I will do is miss it. It’ll come to me and go “Hey, I’m the best” and I’ll just keep on walking by. I need to switch off my blind spots and switch on my seeing spots and actually use my eyes.

Alright so not that that bit of silliness is out of the way, I can focus on whichever is the next bit of silliness. It’s one of those things that is yet to be determined. I have no idea as to when it will arrive, and that’s even if it does arrive. There’s so many things getting in the way. So many things to consider. I have no idea. I am not a silliness detector… which is a lie because of reasons. Yes, reasons. I cannot go into them for other reasons that I also cannot get into, and it’s all a pointlessly complex web of things and events and other stuff that’s not worth getting into that makes it so, and so therefore I just need to go with it all, and so do you.

And anyway, who really wants to know why things are the way they are and lead to the things when really we just want to know the things at the end of it all? Who has the time for full and lengthy explanations that go nowhere, or could go somewhere? Who really has the time for that? I don’t think anyone does. We’ve got so much to get through every day and yet we are expected to listen to things that take precious seconds, minutes, or hours! And potentially a combination of the three. So don’t worry about the explanation. I’m not going to get into it as it’s just a waste of your time. It’s also a waste of my time.

This is not a place to waste time. This place is only a place to fill and use time efficiently and effectively. Wasting time is a waste of time and that’s not something I want to be doing to people, if I may be honest. We all have our days to get on with and we all have our evenings to return to, and there’s not much day left, anyway. That also means that soon I will be sleeping and sleep is the thing that I do so very much enjoy when I get it… if I get it.

It’s going to be a long night, or a short night, or roughly the length an average night is, and maybe I’ll sleep heavily and maybe I won’t. It doesn’t matter, anyway. What matters is that I am detecting the silliness between now and later, and I will find it somehow. I will come across it in some manner. I will come across it through the power of brilliant detection.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 11:32:31

Not the best work I’ve done, but I am happy with the result.

Written at home.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 267: It’s Mostly About “Waterloo”

Posted on April 3, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

So I just scrapped two bits of writing that I started a few days ago. They were challenge writings, they were done when they were done, and I could barely remember them. Of course you’re not expected to remember everything you write, but I felt it write to just toss them away. Mood shifts and all that, and I’m feeling better right now. I might not be soon I’m listening to “Waterloo” on repeat whilst I write this, but I am feeling better at the moment.

So I tossed these two bits of writing away as I felt I couldn’t go back to them. I felt I could do better, and I am confident that I can do better than what I had put forward in them. I am going to try and do better. I want to try and do better. One always wants to do better. I think I can say better again. That’s better.

Better.

So I’m here. Not too long left now. Not much left to write. Going to be an absolute hell, however. A lot of writing to do over the next few weeks. Barely even a few weeks, however. Not too long to go and that’s the way I want it. Bit scared still, but also more relieved and more concerned about what I’m going to do to myself in churning out all of these words and the words to come. It’s a lot of work that doesn’t need to be done but I want to do it, so therefore it is what I will be doing. Will it go well? I don’t know. Probably won’t, but just might.

It’s not much time, but at the same time it is quite a lot. There’s only so many hours in the day and it’s easy to burn through them, but it is sometimes also easy to have far too many on one’s hands. I’m in the latter, rather than the former, situation. I’m considering this a bit of good luck at the moment. It’s going to turn into a curse, but gotta make the most of what I have. Going to burn out, but I will burn out brilliantly.

So… where too from here? I’m already getting tired of “Waterloo”, but it’s helping me write so I’m leaving it on. I could be doing so many other things right now. I could be editing the bits of writing I am intending to get published today. I could do that. I could do so many other things with the time that I have. Instead I’m making myself annoyed at a song and In could easily change it, but I’m not. I do be a silly person sometimes. All the time. Half of all the time and never not any of the time.

And I’m already struggling. There’s another thing that I’m doing today and maybe it will reveal itself. Maybe it won’t, but I’m going to try. The best one can do is try and so trying is what I am doing. Hoping is also what I am doing. No hope would not help, so have to have some hope. A little bit on the side with a healthy breakfast. Could go a long way. Could go nowhere. No point in wondering or asking questions, but questions are what I’m asking and those questions are “Why am I still doing this to myself?”, and that’s where they stop. So really, I’m just asking myself one question.

Let me tell you, “Waterloo” is, as the kids say, a banger. Such a strident, excited track. Just absolute confidence oozing out in this expression of feelings of romance. Strong and joyous, and just celebratory of both the medium of music, the form of song and the sensation of feelings. Of choosing to give into those feelings. Happy stuff. Perhaps a little scary, too, but it’s nice. It’s glorious.

I didn’t intend to set out tow rite about “Waterloo”, but it really is just a wonderfully wonderful song. ABBA are owed a lot of respect, I feel, and they probably get it. However, most of my memories of them aren’t their music, but the incessant advertising of them in a few short periods of time that I bore witness to when I was growing up, and it was always for something like The ABBA Collection, or whatever it was called. And that didn’t help me want to listen to them either, partly because I was a kid and I didn’t understand.

Now I listen to them of my own accord, and there’s so much of them that I feel I need to listen to. Or rather, I am interested in listening to, because it’s a rich world of music out there and ABBA are a group I want to experience more of. That’s what I hope to do. I’m good at getting distracted, however, so I don’t know if I will give myself the time to experience them properly. But I will try. And I’ll keep looking for other music, too. See what lies out there. See what tickles my ears.

I probably wouldn’t have written that had I not been listening to “Waterloo” at the moment, but that’s what happens sometimes. Maybe I wouldn’t have written it in the way that I did, and maybe not at this particular juncture in time. But I did, it’s written, and it’s time for me to try and move on. It’s time for me to find what else is out there and write about that, and then go from there to somewhere else far beyond what could be written about anything, ever. And then write stuff that will be forgotten about as I’m not careful and considerate with my words, and that’s a real problem. ABBA, however, are, and their music is quite enjoyable. I know that some of their stuff is not as strong as it could be, but hey, that;s the way it goes sometimes, and that’s how it is.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 13:24:15

I wrote this yesterday morning, thinking that it’d be a highly productive day. It wasn’t and I should’ve gotten this up yesterday instead of now, but… yeah.

Written at work.

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Light Set

Posted on April 2, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

This was taken at the bridge where this pelican was spotted. I was trying to get a photo with a lot of space, and I feel I succeeded.

This is my submission into Leanne Cole‘s “Monochrome Madness” for this week. PR of Flights of the Soul hosts the next one, and she has chosen the theme of “Minimalism”.

This challenge is open to all, and I recommend joining in. If want to, check out more information about it here, and include the tag “monochrome-madness” when you share your photo. If you’d prefer not to join in, then at the least check out Leanne’s photography, and what other people submit.

I hope you enjoy.

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Kylie Minogue: Fever Draft

Posted on April 1, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

I did a lot of editing on this one, which from the draft below, is probably obvious. The draft is a mess of things thrown together, so there was a lot of culling and combining I had to do. There was also a fair bit of rearranging to find where there was a clear path and flow. It took a while, and I’m not enamoured with the final result, but I am satisfied with it. It could be so much better, but I’m getting back on the wagon so I’m trying to not be too harsh with myself.

My main goal was to put forward that Kylie Minogue is an artist and her music is art. I’m often put off by how much praise I’ve heard quite a few people throw at some forms of music, whilst derision is so readily aimed at pop music by the same people. Then I hear the stuff that’s being praised and so much of it is people who have grown older but haven’t grown their perspective, and it’s stuff about getting dumped by someone years and years ago, or a real juvenile, uninterested look at subject matter, and unjustifiably angry. It feels so much like vapid posturing, and I feel a bit shit for saying that as I’m sure a lot of that stuff comes from a genuine place, but it doesn’t come across well.

But when it comes to pop, I hear the same people call it commercial, just marketing stuff, manufactured, and it doesn’t make sense to me. It feels like there’s a refusal to spend the time to try and understand it, but there’s such a rich world of it out there and there’s so much creativity. People are too willing to skim the surface and then go back to what they know as familiar, but then won’t be willing to admit that they don’t want to dig further. Pardon the rant.

In editing I tried to keep things a bit less angry and accusatory as I couldn’t justify it. I don’t feel I went far enough in exploring what makes Kylie Minogue an artist and why she should be considered as such, and admittedly I’m arguing against a small group of people. But again, I’m getting back on the wagon. I might revisit the topic again at some point down the track.

The final version of this essay was published today on From Somewhere out the Back. If you’ve been following my stuff here long enough, then you’ll recognise the name as the title for when I write about music releases in my music collection. I’d been intending to dedicate a space for those pieces for a while, and of course rather than hold to that, the space expanded to more than just music. The draft below is just to give an idea of progress. Please check out the final version.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Last year I decided to listen to most of the Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds studio discography. Skipped Kicking Against the Pricks. Never been that big a fan of the band, but I like some stuff here and there. Anyway, I was talking about it with Ewe, who is a big fan of Cave-related work, and I can’t remember around which album it was, but I told him that once I was done with Bad Seeds I was going to move onto Kylie Minogue, whose music was also about love and sex, but far less miserably so.

Today I’m working from home due to being sick. Pissy cold. Fun times. Decided to go for a walk in the sun to try and sweat it out a bit and I decided to put on Fever. I’ve never been that big a fan of Kylie Minogue, though there are some songs here and there that I liked. Gave some of her discography a try earlier this year and some of it I enjoyed and some of it I didn’t, but I did like most of Fever (or at least I think I did) and had been meaning to getting back around to it, but laziness.

But anyway, I decided to give it a spin whilst I was walking around and it made me think about things.

Fever wears its heart on its sleeve, and even when it seems to go for the metaphor, it can’t resist being as direct as possible about it. So much of it is light, bouncy pop with plenty of disco and electronica brought in for good measure. Often Kylie Minogue’s voice is sandpapered and lacking the grit it can convey, instead keeping things in a base form of expression. Whilst it is a bit of a shame to have such a voice so held back, it’s also quite befitting of the album, which is a sleek, refined and heavily designed thing.

So Fever came off the back of… Light Years? I think it was Light Years, and in some ways it feels very much like someone in the zone, looking to capitalise on the success of the former whilst also looking to keep growing. So you get these shimmery, direct songs that stick firmly to verse/chorus/verse, very much appealing to being in the club… or the arena. Or somewhere where you’re gonna have a good time. The songs themselves are, for the most part, fairly sleek, shiny, smoothed out bits of music that know enough about what they are and plenty about what they aren’t. Essentially, you’re not gonna be getting much, if anything, that’s deep here, and that’s okay. It would be easy to start digging deep into these songs, and you probably could if you really wanted to, but it’s not the point of the songs because they’re not meant to be deep. They have very specific aims and they achieve them well enough.

The sound isn’t so much the main attraction so much as it is Kylie Minogue’s voice, of which she, naturally, knows how to use well. There’s excitement and passion here, but most of the time Kylie sings… maybe not gently, but it’s a way of putting it, because there’s energy in there, but there are times when it sounds like she’s more exploring directness and considering it, thinking about what she wants to mean rather than just belting everything out at maximum. It’s almost introspective without the introspection, necessarily. But it is there if you want to dig. If you want to dig into desire and the meaning of it, and everything that can come from it, you’ll get there. You can draw meaning from most anything if you want to dig far enough, really.

But there is a softness here when Kylie needs it most; there’s hardness, energy at other times. And through it all, she reaches through the sounds around her. She reaches through the speakers and looks to speak into your ear and tell you something about what she is feeling and what should be expressed, and you hear it. She looks to you, our pop princess and locks her eyes upon your auditory organs and she cuts through it all, speaking, reaching, and then those sounds are branding themselves unto your mind.

Fever exists in an odd space where it’s both variable and uniform, which is great for the songs individually. It comes out swinging with “More More More”, “Love at First Sight” and “Can’t get You out of my Head”. From there, it slows a little with the sugary title track, gets a bit harder with “Give it to me” and slows a bit with “Fragile” and “Come into my World”. “Into Your Eyes” through to “Love Affair” brings energy back to the forefront, with the latter feeling a little like a blend between the mellower and more energised sounds prior. “Your Love” slows things down again, and relaxes a little. Then comes “Burning up”, which is a great way to end the album. The way the instrumentation meets the vocals and lyrics, and this strong passion and push to have fun that comes through is just great.

However, things kind of start to blur and it all gets a bit long in the tooth. Perhaps some songs didn’t need to be included, if only to keep things feeling a bit less monotonous. Don’t get me wrong; the songs are good and enjoyable, but things get a bit inflexible in a way that’s definitely of the era, but the sounds of it all don’t have enough in them to offer much in the way beyond, perhaps, background stuff to a gathering as it’s a slog to do much of anything to otherwise. No, it’s not constantly in your face, but Minogue’s voice, whilst fantastically used throughout, isn’t enough to diminish the gradual tedium.

That said, “Burning Up” is a great way to end the album. It doesn’t rescue it, but it breaks the patience testing.

The thing about Fever is that, whilst it is exploring, it also feels like a really refined, really sanded down Kylie. It’s sleek and smooth; you can slide right off of it, and that’s part of the issue. All the passion is there; all the joy and life-affirmation and fun, but it lacks a little roughness that it could do well with. I don’t want to be critical of the album as, in some ways I respect it. It’s very much an album looking to capitalise on momentum; to keep a streak going. This is someone who was very much ready to hit the studio and take advantage of her skills. She worked with a great team and everyone got right into it, and turned out a solid collection. They just went too far.

You could probably drop either “Fever” or “Give it to Me”, and “Dancefloor”, and the album would feel both tighter and punchier, and it’d help give the whole thing more .

For a while, I suspected that the album art was a reference to Grace Jones’ ISLAND LIFE. In writing this and looking for information, I found out that the cover is inspired by the album cover.

What makes Fever work so well is that Kylie Minogue’s voice lends conviction and earnestness to what she’s singing, but it’s also playful. It’s sanded far too far back, but the way it expresses and the way Kylie uses the lyrics makes what is sung easy to believe. Yeah sure, it’s pop, but that doesn’t make it any less legitimate as art. If people are willing to accept Nick Cave’s misery in music as art, then what makes Kylie less so an artist? Is it because her songs aren’t verbosely miserable enough? Is it because she hasn’t suffered the same way? Nick clearly understood her ability as an artist; if not, she wouldn’t have sung on “Where the Wild Roses Grow”.

Years and years ago a housemate of mine described my expressing my feelings as FEELINGS! : ) (hopefully that gets across the flamboyancy that he used), and one of our housemates as expressing theirs as feelings : (. Sometimes I want to feel like shit, and sometimes I really want to be down in it, among an intense abrasive blast washing over me, fucking me up. But sometimes I just want to feel like shit and dance and have fun, and the older I get, the more I want to enjoy that time. To feel something life-affirming. I don’t know if Kylie Minogue’s Fever is her best album. It probably isn’t, but it’s as moody as it is light. It’s tight, efficient; an upbeat set of songs exploring a few facets of life and experience. But the thing is, ultimately, is that it is no less art than, say, Nick Cave’s No More Shall we Part. But beyond that, it’s also no less art than any form of extreme music that anyone might want to defend.

If a bunch of middle class white dudes screaming about being hurt and psychological damage is justifiable as art, than so is anything that you might want to classify as facile, throwaway pop nonsense, and Fever can be classified as that. There’s pomp and cheese on Fever, and goddamn is it a solid, defined and warranted statement. It says something about the female condition in a way that’s genuinely fun. It also doesn’t sequester itself off into a corner for only a few people to appreciate whilst hissing at anyone who dares to enjoy something lighter.

Kylie Minogue is viewable as an entertainer, but I think that anyone who does is likely to deny that she’s an artist, as she is. Yeah, the lyrics can be viewed quite shallowly, and she says stuff that people were saying before her. It’s easy music to write off because it’s enjoyable. But at the end of the day, what I’m clumsily trying to get at is this: Fever is as warranted as being denominated as art, and Kylie Minogue as an artist. She works with people to make music she can get behind and believe in, and she works to make sure what she’s on works for her. Kylie’s voice is a bridge for her expression, and she does what she does well. Being an entertainer takes creativity and work with a team, and to get out on stage continuously for decades, to put that work in to keep creating, to keep developing her voice and working her sound… it takes time and effort. The music might be more shimmery and sleek; it might not be reaching for deep critical status, but if we are to call so many other people and bands out there artists, then we have to admit that Kylie Minogue is just as much.

I’ve seen too many people go into some form of conniption decrying pop as something to dismiss when most heavier, “extreme” stuff we show more respect and reverence for is significantly more shallow and trite. Spin Fever. Actually spend the time listening to it. Don’t just hear it. No guarantee it’ll change your mind or that you’ll enjoy it, but at least you’ll have experienced it.

Years and years ago I heard “Love at First Sight”, “Can’t Get You Out of my Head” and “Come Into My World”. I was a child and I dug two of those. Didn’t like “Can’t Get you Out of My Head”. I might have heard “In Your Eyes”, too, and actually I’m sure I did, as when I listened to Fever for the first time last year, I recognised it. Probably also has a lot to do with the music I was inuring myself to at the time, too, or something.

I don’t know. At the end of the day, I get older and I still listen to moody stuff, but I’ve always enjoyed lighter music. I don’t need to be constantly heavy; it’s draining. Sometimes I just wanna get down and dance and have fun and not give a fuck about things. Fever might be better as background music, but it’s pretty fun in parts, and Kylie makes me wanna dance.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1593: Still Heavy Stuff

Posted on March 31, 2026 by Stupidity Hole

So I wrote this thing that was really heavy and I didn’t want to put it forward, so it’s gone. It has been removed. A lot of emotional pain and it was only a few sentences in, but it was still too much.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m going to see the other side of things in a happier space, or if I’m going to keep going through misery. If I’m going to keep going through pain and hurting myself. I have to wonder if I’m willingly doing this to myself. I have to wonder if I don;t want to feel good.

So the day goes on. I’m sitting here among other people and feeling away from it all, and I’m also wondering how long I’m going to keep doing this to myself. There was a period where I was happy about things and I was feeling good, and now I’ve sunk again. And I feel I sunk myself. I feel I’ve done this, and it was a decision I’ve made.

Recently I tried to reach out to my ex. I was hoping for some communication, and I wasn’t hoping to rekindle the relationship. I got silence instead, and it hurts. But I should have been aware that this would be a risk. I should have known that this could happen. She doesn’t owe me anything and we caused each other a lot of hurt. I get why she won’t respond. I just wish she’d say as much as “I don’t want to talk to you”, because as much as that would hurt, I could then have some certainty about where I stand. But I don’t know if I’ll get that, and I’m not hoping that I get that.

So this is still heavy stuff, but I have to remember that I am still alive and I still have desires. I still have a drive and I can still keep going. I’m doing okay, all things considered. I know this will pass. I know other doors will open so long as I keep on going and keep doing my best. I know that I won’t get anywhere if I don’t keep trying, so I’ve got to keep trying. I’ve got to keep on looking toward tomorrow and keep walking.

This sadness might be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to work with. It takes my whole body and fills it, and it doesn’t empty. It doesn’t leave me. Everything passes through and it just feels like I’m witnessing things rather than experiencing them. It makes me want to give up, but I can’t. I just can’t give up, because doing that doesn’t solve anything. I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life, so I’m doing my best to just keep going, wade through it all, let it all happen and continue working on myself. I can only do my best, and even if that’s very little, that’s still good enough for me.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:00:99

From yesterday. Been working on an essay I want to get published very soon, so everything else has gone on the backburner.

Not great writing. Less miserable than some other recent stuff though.

Written at work.

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