I need to start writing something now as I’ve wasted the day and I don’t want it to be a total waste. Therefore, if I start writing now, I’ll write something and there will have been some productivity in the day.
I want to write about a Kate Bush song but I’m not going to do that now. It won’t be “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)” as there’s probably been enough said about that song at this stage. Not much else can be said about it, though I’m sure plenty can. Therefore, it is not what I am going to write about. I’ll write about other things, instead. And I’ll write about the Kate Bush song that I want to write about at another time when I’m feeling more in the mood for it.
This coming week I need to start knuckling down and clearing everything. Everything to where it should be, everything getting prepared for the end. There’s not much time left and I haven’t spent enough time getting everything ready. It’s gonna be an intense week. It won’t be as intense as other weeks I’ve lived, but it will be intense. A lot of writing. A lot of writing being prepared. A lot of other things and the spinning around and panicking as I do that quite well. If I panic enough, then perhaps I will panic as hard as a good panic can be. And I’m sure that everyone already knows that I do like to panic hard. Though I don’t, but you know.
Today has been a slow day and I’m glad that I’m getting to doing things now. Just wish I started earlier. Could be worse, though. I’ve watched the rain come and fall on everything, albeit not at the time I had hoped. I had hoped for all the rain to fall in the morning. I wanted to head into the city and take photos.
I was hoping for an empty city, and it would’ve been great. Just being there, experiencing the weather. Experience a sense of emptiness. Perhaps a feeling of an area being abandoned. At the very least, an area not feeling like it usually does. Still, today hasn’t been a total loss.
Being inside, experiencing cool weather has been greatly, deeply pleasant. I have to admit that much to myself. Watching the trees bend in the wind has been wonderful. It’s changing shape and form, and I’ve been fortunate enough to experience it all on a day like today. But what else can I say about it all?
This space that I’m currently in feels very still. It feels quiet and at peace, and it feels pleasant, too. It’s just a nice day. A slow day. A day with rain falling when the rain decided to fall. A day where expectations are discarded. Lowered. Thrown away. This is good.
I worry about time slipping away all the time. Or rather, I worry about it a lot of the time. Still, I’ve only really begin to live my life over the past couple of years. Sure, I’ve lived, but I’m really living now. I can take it easy here and there. I should take it less easy than I do, but today is okay. Today I’m not beating myself up over not getting enough done as I’m still doing things, and perhaps this is something that we all need to consider more often. Perhaps we need to consider more often how much we do and do not let ourselves get away with, and how often we should allow ourselves to get away with things.
This is not that important a thing, really, bit I think it’s something worth thinking about here and there. Realistically we so often coast through life without a care or worry, and that’s great. It’s great right now. It’ll be great tomorrow. However, I need to let myself be comfortable with relaxing more often. I know that I’m not, so today, being comfortable with the idea is great. Being fine with it. Letting myself off the hook, so to speak.
The rain is falling again, and it’s pleasant. It reminds me of times looking out a window and onto a street. I can’t see the street around here from where I am currently sitting, and that’s also good, I think.
Once more I find myself thinking about Glebe. I remember times when it would rain heavily, and that rain smell would rise. Supposedly it’s not a good smell to be around, but it’s still pleasant. I’d stand at the front door sometimes and I’d watch the rain fall. It would pelt down in thick sheets, hammering away at the asphalt. It would violently strike the ground, but it was so peaceful. So calming.
I’d see the water follow the gutter as it moved away from where I could see it, and I’d watch it for a while sometimes, too. And eventually the rain would pass, and it would pass gradually. It would pass smoothly, and there’d be a stronger sense of peace and calm, and it was just nice to watch.
I do miss that, but this rain is also nice. I can see less where I am currently sitting, but I still get to see the rain fall. I can see it fall on to roof tiles and through trees. If I open the door and stand on the stairs, I can see it fall onto my plants as it helps keep them alive. I get a sense of stillness from this as much as I got a sense of stillness from Glebe, though it’s all in motion. Everything is.
The world keeps turning and all this keeps happening, and I wonder how many more days of rain I have left to experience. How many more do I have that I can still appreciate. So I’m glad I’m not being hard on myself for having a slower, more relaxed day, because this is nice.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 14:32:05
Decent enough speed.
I wasn’t expecting this to veer off into remembering rain, but I’m glad it did. I’m glad that this progressed unexpectedly. It feels more natural to me.
Written at home.
Stupidity Hole 