Mercury, Part 5

Another of these, (here’s the previous four), and I might share the rest tomorrow. Don’t know yet. Still bad writing, still want to share it.

I hope you enjoy.

It was the third alarm that woke Purvell up. From a deep sleep involving dreaming about things that they would not be able to remember anything about other than vague notions of things happening and vague, lingering emotions they found themselves jolted into a state of grumbling and wanting to go back to sleep. Unfortunately it still was a day of work and it was likely to be another day of very little happening.

They rushed about, getting ready as quickly as they could and fixed themselves a small breakfast before taking off to the observatory. It was a nice day and as such it was a nice day for cycling which, as always, was just long enough. Still, it felt far longer than usual and that may have had to do with being as tired as they were. Maybe they’d be able to sleep at their desk, but that was probably not worth the risk. They probably could get away with it, but if something went wrong and they were the only ones who could take care of it, they weren’t sure that they’d be able to wake up quickly enough to be of any use.

Purvell reached work easily enough and it was a day of days, as it usually was. Clouds hung in the air and seemed to drift in the way that only clouds of a certain size can. They spent a little bit of time looking up before parking their bike and heading on in.

Into the foyer they walked and they went and they attempted to scan themselves in, but the scanner was not working. It was not the first time it had happened this month and it probably wasn’t going to be the last and so Purvell begun knocking loudly. Some of the evening crew should still be on – they would be wrapping up pretty son, but some should still be on – and so they hoped one would answer. Thankfully Purvell didn’t have to wait so long.

One of the staff came on and opened the door. They talked about whether they should leave it propped open or not and decided to wait and see. Whilst they were walking to their working space, the scientist told Purvell about how two people came around trying to ask about Mercury Retrograde. They thought it a silly thing, coming around at a late hour at night and told them that the observatory was open in the morning before telling them to go away. Purvell wondered if these two people had seen the same thing. It certainly was odd to come late at night. Maybe they were drunk. Maybe it was coincidence.

After eating Purvell went to the shower and showered as cold as they could tolerate. They felt it would be better to be s awake as possible now rather than later.

Soon they found themselves at their little space once more and, after loading everything up and punching in data from watching Mercury’s path, they set about trying to kill some time. There still were plenty of hours left in the day and so there were plenty of hours they were able to spend waiting for something to happen that they could take care of.

This was a time where Purvell hoped that they’d be afforded the opportunity to stretch their legs and go wandering, but of course they were unable to for now as they could still be needed. They had a strong feeling that they wouldn’t be needed at all, but just in case they had to be there. Just in case they needed to make sure that they were at the ready if they had to take care of something and so once more the day seemed to stretch out into eons compressed into hours and they were there, feeling and living the whole thing and unable to get away from it in any way, shape or form.

Eventually they decided to let go and go for a walk. It was a much better use of their time and they were sure that something would be along their way by the time they got back, or at least they hoped that something would be there for them to take care of. Of course there was no telling at this particular juncture in time, but hope was always there.

They did the rounds and kept an eye out for Rigby and Clay, assuming that they would’ve been there somewhere, but neither seemed to rear their head.

Eventually Purvell made it to the telescope and thought about what they saw the evening prior. They thought about it and thought about how it probably meant nothing, if anything. They wondered if this was some sort of new phenomena, or if it was really hold and they wondered if perhaps Mercury had interacted with something near it that caused the stretch to occur. Maybe it was no stretch at all and what they had seen was light coming back to Earth in a really weird and delayed way, and that’s why it looked like there was a trail. Of course there was no real telling without further research and there probably wouldn’t be anything more unless they could discern something more than what they saw.

They wondered what else they’d collect data on, then decided to head back to their desk and see if they could view the footage again. It was something of a eureka moment for Purvell; specifically, the kind of one you have when something really obvious seems like something rather genius due to how tired you are. Still, it was a good moment for them as it meant they’d be able to spend at least a bit of the day doing something.

There were some issues with getting their computer to access the recording, as though the computer was resisting attempts to view it, but it gave up and let Purvell continue on. They first made sure the data was definitely logged. It had been logged in the morning, but they just wanted to double check. They then created a backup copy of the data and included the additional information from what they had seen, so they had a comparative that, if more evidence presented itself, they’d be able to refer to and continue on from there. They then watched the footage over.

It seemed as though the trail had completed disappeared. There was no glitch; there was nothing other than Mercury moving across the sky. However, after a while it became apparent that there was a slight smoothing left behind Mercury as it moved across the sky. It was strange and it invited curiosity, but at the same time Purvell was willing to chalk it up to visual data glitching. They wanted to know more as they felt it meant more, but they also were too tired to care enough to go on with further research on this particular smoothness.

Within themselves they began to argue about what they should and should not do when they heard that two people had come looking to find out more about Mercury Retrograde. This was not something they wanted to deal with at this particular moment, but they needed something more to do and so once more abandoned their desk in pursuit of some sort of engagement.

They met up with the two people who looked unassuming enough, though one had a bit of a wilder look in their eyes and the three of them proceeded to discuss Mercury retrograde and why it occurs. They went into detail about how it appears and what happens as it travels across the sky, and how it is interesting that it appears in the sky even thoguh Mercury is a bit farther away, asking it seem much closer and smaller and more insignificant than it is even though we know it is largeish and much farther away.

One of the two asked about Mercury doing strange things doing retrograde, which Purvell met with silence initially, for they needed to think about the answer they were going to provide. To them this seemed like two other people saw what Purvell saw and perhaps this could lead to some sort of confirmation that there was something more to it, but three people hardly make a consensus strong enough to put something forward. On a personal level it meant that Purvell was assured that they weren’t going crazy in some manner. However, they still felt they could not say anything about it and so, after thinking for what felt like an additional eternity, they advised that there was no information they could provide, but they’d note that the two had seen what they saw.

After describing it to Purvell, Purvell invited them to check out more of the public access areas whilst they headed on back to their desk to note the information, then said their farewells.

Purvell found themselves hurrying a little faster than they would have liked. Getting to their desk sooner wasn’t going to make much of a difference in how quickly things happened, but they still rushed regardless. Once they sat down they made notes of what was discussed. They then decided to head back to the telescope to kill some more time.

When they got there they decided to take a look at whatever it was pointing at at that particular time. However, they found that there were issues with the viewing, as though something internal had broken.

They gathered a few other people to take a look and, confirming that none of them were imagining it, found themselves at an impasse. How soon could they get someone out to have a look at this? This could halt a good deal of research and reporting and so this needed to be addressed as quickly as possible. They began to leave the room when a creak cut through the air.

The telescope’s supports snapped and the telescope dropped toward the ground, letting out a loud, violent and sudden thunk that was over as quickly as it started. Seemingly it was still quite intact but quite damaged and dented, and this of course created issues that complicated things.

Purvell was not looking forward to the rest of the day.

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Junko Ozawa: The Windmill Song

One listen, and it was somewhere between easy and difficult to write. I think some of this captures the song well and some of it captures the song poorly.

Junko Ozawa’s (小沢 純子) “The Windmill Song” is from Klonoa of the Wind: Door to Phantomile Original Soundtrack (風のクロノア Door to Phantomile オリジナルサウンドトラック). It’s the soundtrack for the game Klonoa: Door to Phantomile.

Woodwind dances joyfully. It has a hop and a skip in its step, and soon more sound comes in and carries the bliss of the scene forward.

A full, breezy sound, travelling with a great energy. A great curiosity and adventure in it. Wonder, wonderment, wonderful. The sounds move forward, move through their stages. They move and urge, and they express a certain kind of curiosity and excitement. One that comes from a youthful innocence.

The sounds move in and out as needed, and at times they pull back a little, but the energy remains. The energy keeps coming through it all. keeping the flow going. And it all feels like the beginning of an adventure. Of an innocence, and whilst it’s big and maybe bombastic, it’s still small. It has so much joy in it all. These sounds could be the happiest, and they are, and they carry that breeze. They flow with the wind, and they keep on flowing all the way to the song’s end.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 288: Bottom of the Barrel

Alright, enough with the slowness. It is time to race. It is time to race hard. It is time for me to use simple words tin order to save time, and I will do that to the best of my ability. Or the worst of my ability. It is yet to be determined, but nothing is determined, unless it is determined. No, this is not a philosophical pissing contest; I’m just saying whatever in order to reach my quota.

Too many days in a row I’ve tried to do something and too many days in a row I’ve failed miserably. Lack of sleep is the main offender. The next one is lack of effort. Trying to get not enough done in too much time, and that’s how it goes, really. That’s how it always goes. It keeps on going and I cannot stop it, and it sucks, or something. It doesn’t hurt; just sucks.

I feel as though I let myself down far too easily. I’m not disappointment, necessarily; just letting myself down. Just letting myself fail myself, but there is no need or obligation at this point. I am free of myself, and that’s awesome. That’s great. I get to keep on going, keep on powering on, and I get to see the end of everything the way that I want to, but I probably won’t at this point. I need to make some strong compromises, and so that’s what I am doing. But still, I will get there. I will get there and I will see the end of it all. I will see then end of this space, especially being so close to it all. Being so close, and yet so far away.

So what do I saw from here? Where do I go? I just want to get all the writing done and then take care of a few things that I need to take care of. That’s right, all the writing. All the writing that ever will be and will be forever more. That’s what I want to get done.

Can I? Will I? How and why? And in which way is best and not worst, but worst when it is best? I don’t know and I don’t have the answer to everything, but I wish I did. Would certainly make my life a lot easier. Is that something that I’m allowed? An Easy life? I don’t know. I don’t care.

There’s a lot of seriousness coming through these more recent things, and I know the end of this blog is affecting it. I know that the end of this blog is seeping through, and I can’t do much about it. I just keep on writing, keep on trying to think of something that could be worth saying. I’ve nothing, however. I’ve nothing to say that is worth saying. I’ve tried and tried and tried again, and nothing comes forward. It’s all heaviness, all sadness, all confusion. I’ve ripped a part of myself from myself, and it’s not good. It’s not great. It’s the way it has to happen sometimes, however.

So… yeah. The day goes on. I race against the clock, maybe for the last time. Don’t know yet. I’m trying to think of things to say and once more I have nothing. Nothing changes and everything changes. The world twirls on a pogo stick, and I just sit here, acting as thoguh I know it all when I know nothing. Or rather, I’m acting like I know nothing when I know nothing. It’s a thin veneer to be behind, I know.

Nearly there, nearly at the last few words of this rambling. Getting there, approaching, getting my way through the woods and darkness and finding where the pieces lie and where they fit, and getting eternally closer. Eternally closer and eternally far away, just the way it always is. Just the way it always goes. Just the way I don’t like it. It’s all good, however. It’s always all good, but this is all good. Not all bad.

Realistically, I’ve had a good run and this sort of stress and confusion, whilst not great, is not the worst thing in the world.

So now that I’ve said that, I need to do a little bit more racing so I can then write something after this that makes a little more less sense, in a way that carries less more sense and in that sense, there will be something that could be delectable if it were a food. Perhaps a food that was also an item one could wield. That’d be great. That’d be swell. Just need to find where it all goes and how it all goes, and the why and what and why the words aren’t coming together as well as I would have hoped that they would have, had I any hope and faith behind this bit of writing.

Truly, I am scarping the bottom of the barrel. Is there even a barrel bottom left? I don’t know, but it;s a nice view, and I do like me a good view. I like me a good view that I can appreciate, and so long as I can appreciate it in a way that allows me to show my appreciation, I think I’ve got things covered well enough. Try to hope for good coverage, anyway. Worse things in the world, but bad coverage is bad coverage, and that is not something that… I have no idea where this sentence is going and so I’m gonna stop it.

And now onto the next sentence, where I shall say things and they shall be said in the written form, and then I’ll just get on with my evening as there are far too many things left to do and I need to get onto them. This is already taking far too long and I need to get on with my list of tasks and get them out of the way in a timely manner.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 10:44:59

Good speed. Absolute mess.

Written at home.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 288: Another Drive into The Blue Mountains

A few days ago I went for a drive into The Blue Mountains for the first time in a good few months. It was an easy drive, as it always is, and it also provided a great deal of relief.

Originally my plan was to go see a friend I haven’t seen in well over a decade now. That didn’t eventuate, unfortunately, but I still made the most of my time there.

So I left early in the morning. Got to the M4 as quickly as I could, as is always the way. Drove out there, drove under the dark, wide sky, around winding road. Saw some other vehicles, but not too many after I got to The Mountains. And the drive… yeah, it was easy. I was running on low sleep, but I handled it mostly fine.

I stopped off in Leura to meet up with Andy. I’d messaged him a few days prior, asking if he was down to catch the sunrise whilst looking out over Mount Solitary. I get to his place, he was already outside. I grabbed my camera out of the car and we walked down to a good lookout, and perhaps my favourite in The Mountains.

We sat down and we talked about life. We talked about what had been happening in our worlds, and we saw some good colour in the sky. Mount Solitary felt as massive and overwhelming as it always has to me, though the more I see it, the less in awe and the more in appreciation I am.

We walked back to Andy’s, had coffee and talked for a while before I headed off to have breakfast, then go further into The Mountains to Mount York. It was as far as I wanted to go, and I had specific reasons in mind, and those should be revealed in a few days if my timing is good. Food was good and the subsequent drive was easy, though not without seeing some people doing some careless stuff in their car, and I was soon at Mount York.

I had seen a lot of people there around Christmas, and there were quite a lot of people there this time, too. It took a lot of the feeling of wonder away, seeing so many cars and tents spread out across the area. There was no quiet to it, no sense of calm, even if it was.

I had to use the bathroom but it was occupied, so I walked around for a bit. I could see into someone’s converted van, and they had a poster with chakras labelled on the body on a wall. I immediately thought derisively of them, and when I saw that the owner of the van was some white guy, I couldn’t help but be unsurprised. This is a bit mean on my part, I’ll admit, but I’ve found that a lot of people I’ve encountered who say they embrace spirituality, or cosmic woo, have shitty or shallow beliefs. Of course, this doesn’t mean one can paint all with the same brush.

I went to the bathroom, then went back to the car, got my camera and walked to a specific spot and looked across the landscape. It was as cleared as it always was, and still massive and somehow beautiful. I took my photos, went back to the car and drove back to Katoomba.

There was a bit of traffic in the opposite direction, and this is in part due to Victoria Pass currently being closed for urgent repairs. If going down the Great Western Highway, traffic has to go along Darling Causeway and continue the drive west via Bells Line of Road, unless they started at Bells, in which case, they wouldn’t be going down Great Western. But anyway…

And so I drove into Katoomba and got sourdough and stretched my legs a little, then drove past Andy’s, dropped a loaf at his, then started making my way back home, but not without another stop for coffee.

Though I didn’t head home. I headed to Killara, and that was a pretty uneventful drive. And this whole bit of writing undersells how much being away from Sydney felt necessary.

I haven’t liked Sydney for a long time. I’ve stayed here for others when I should have left, and every time I’ve stayed for someone, it hasn’t worked out. But beyond that, I feel a need to be journeying. I know I’ve said this kind of recently, but it’s something I feel in my heart. It’s something that is important for my health, and so I yearn to do it. I don’t like being stuck in a room or a house; I like to move. And I love The Blue Mountains. To me, it is a wonderful region. It has its own sets of problems, sure, but it speaks to me in a way other places don’t.

Being out there, feeling the colder air when it was cold, seeing the sun rise gently, being in motion, seeing sights familiar to me… it was wonderful. It was relieving in a way. It was far too short a time to be there, too.

I’ve been fortunate enough to get hold of another car, and this drive was partially a test, and it performed admirably. No complaints at all. This is good. It’ll be doing a longer drive soon. I’ll be back on the road, heading elsewhere for a few days. Once more away from Sydney, and hopefully getting a sense of relief from it.

And so now I’m sitting here, writing in a surface way about how I drove somewhere and drove back. It’s another small moment, but it’s a big moment, too. It’s big to me, but it’s more life. It’s another puzzle piece, helping to better understand things and what’s going on. It fits in snugly, and hopefully the ones around it will, too. And it was an experience I’ve had before, and it was all mine once more.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 19:29:34

Slow, but it was a nice slow.

Written at home.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 287: An Evening at UNSW

Last week I saw Biffy Clyro over at The Roundhouse. It’s an awkward space to have a venue, as most people taking public transport will have to dogleg via Central, and it adds a surprising amount of time to the commute. Other, more direct ways that don’t start nearby also can take a while due to a windy route, which is fine as it helps keep areas serviced with convenient commute options, but it’s not so convenient when you need to get home at night. But that’s not what this bit of writing is about, and it’s not even so much about Biffy Clyro either, who were pretty good. Go see them if you can. Solid performance, just tight as, smashing songs out, good live sound. That’s the end of anything review-wise here.

I got to The Roundhouse a fair bit early, so I spent a bit of time editing before deciding to go for a wander. I wandered around the UNSW grounds, just to stretch my legs a bit, try and get some exercise in. I’ve been pretty slack recently, so trying to get back into the swing of things.

So I walked around the grounds of UNSW and it made me think about my time there. I walked past buildings familiar, and some pathways new to me, and I thought about what has changed and what hasn’t, and if that makes me feel like an outsider or not… you know, the fun stuff.

Back in 2014, when I started writing more frequently than the prior years, there was a café partially tucked into a corner of the outside of a building. I’d been recently dumped (which is what motivated me to write more again), and almost every day I was on campus, I’d go there and get a bagel with cream cheese. It was a certain routine I enjoyed, and the small meal was always prepared well. It was consistently good, and that’s something I very much liked. It helped me through a rough time, and I wrote about it in a semi-fictitious way here. That café closed down and disappeared whilst I was still studying, and it sucked. Probably didn’t take long to pack up as it was a small setup. It was a nice thing to have though. Just sort of cosy and pleasant.

Probably goes without saying that that café hasn’t returned, and the space it was in is still empty, and probably will remain empty. The memory lingered, however, and a sense of loss came across.

I walked across a particular area and wondered if I was a ghost of sorts. I wondered if I was actually there or not. It was a strange feeling. It also wasn’t helped by soon coming across another building; a small one (relatively) that used to be a sort of pub / food place. I think they also did coffee, but I can’t remember. But it was closed, the outside space it took up when operating now freed, with just the building itself standing there, lights off, old, and empty of life.

I walked back to the venue to wait in line, and thankfully it was not a long wait.

I think it’s kind of funny in terms of coincidence that I was in the same area I was when my writing frequency increased. I wasn’t thinking about it at the time, but now I am, and I guess it’s because of how close to the end of this blog I am. Nice timing and all that.

Back around 2014, I have some good memories, but now it just makes me hurt in a way, and I think it’s because I wasn’t hurting as much then as I am now. I think I’m much more aware of the time that I have, too, and sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Sometimes I wish I could be a bit more free and uncaring, but I cared then, too. I was worried about things. Now those things are lingering.

Life has changed. I’ve changed. I don’t know if I’ve grown, but I’m more thoughtful, I hope. I’m thinking about things in a different way. I’m less willing to just say whatever, and I think that at least that much is good. It’s an improvement. I’m still here, floating though. Trying to find some stability, some grounding, and get through life without too much hassle, and things have gotten better since last year, but I’m still grieving, and it sucks. It hurts so much sometimes, but I keep going.

I think about what was, and I have to wonder if I’m just unwilling to let go of the past in some ways. I don’t like holding onto the past as it is, but maybe I really do struggle with the idea of letting go, of letting myself be free and moving on. Maybe I am stuck in the past.

I don’t want to return to those years, but I keep carrying the memory of them close. Those years of hurt, of studying, of finding love again and hurting once more. It takes a while, of course. Nothing happens overnight, but some things hurt more than others and you start to wish you’d be free of the hurt.

But then I think about longing for a café that once was, or design and structure and whatever else. Things change. I’m older. Places are bound to disappear, but some of them make a really strong impression. Some are found at the right time, and they stick with you. They stick with you and you yearn for their return, even though you know they won’t.

These are things of a life in the past, and they hang around, and there’s something I can draw from that. I can cherish those times, but I don’t have to let them bind me. There’s nothing wrong with walking forward into a new day, and there’s nothing wrong with moving on and finding other places. It’s better than refusing to move on.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 18:26:62

Much slower than I hoped, but sometimes that’s the way it goes.

I wrote this yesterday and was hoping to get a good few up, but I was so wrecked. Nights of not enough sleep.

Written at work.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 286: Hornswaggled

So yesterday failed, but that’s okay. It means splitting the work over two more days, but two more days is two more days. Could probably get it all done today, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Maybe a bad idea. Don’t know. Will find out.

A few more days and already I’m considering pushing out for a few days more, just to make sure I’ve got everything wrapped up the way I want it to be. However, I also think that’s a bad idea. Need to allow things to come to an end, and respectfully, though this blog is definitely past the point where any soft treatment could be considered respectful. I must hack into what it is and tear it apart, and then go from there. Go from there, go wherever, go anywhere. Find the points of pain, find the pain points, and point at the pain and then laugh a little. Laugh and find my way to wherever is next.

So what does this even mean? I don’t know and I don’t care right now. I just know that I’m trying to churn and burn still, and today is going to allow that, but I’m going to be so wrecked by the end of the day. Yesterday was a busy day, but today is going to be worse as there is a lot of stuff I need to do to be ready for Friday. A lot of stuff.

What have I gotten myself into?

So anyway, soon I must walk. Get my legs working and moving. Get them going to where I need to go in order to show something for nothing and get the nothing something so that it’s something will face the nothingness of everything and look toward the morning and go “I will not be deceived. I will not tolerate this lack of effort”, whilst shaking its little nothing fist at a window. It’s how it goes sometimes, and I will be there, bearing witness to this spectacle. I will be wondering as to how my life got to that point, of course, but I don’t want to spend too much time wondering. I also need to make sure I have a life to get on with. I need to make sure I’ve time to think about the silliness of it all and the absurdity of my finding myself in these situations time and again, and let me tell you, they keep on happening.

One day I’ll be outside and it won’t happen, and I’ll be confused. I’ll be relieved. My life will go back to what it once was, and that will be great. I’ll enjoy that. And then, when I finally least expect it, when I don’t expect it at all, it will happen again an  have been hoodwinked. Hornswaggled, perhaps. This kind of boondoggling will be tolerated, unfortunately, as the world is a strange place and I’m just one participant. I am not the whole story. I am not the entirety of the picture.

But I have to go outside soon. It’s going to be a day of being outside and being inside and being everywhere and nowhere in all sorts of forms and shapes, and I will have to deal with all of that as it happens. I’ll have to deal with it and get on with life whilst I am, and I don’t like that. I don’t want to like that. I also don’t want to imply that I will like hat, because… I don’t know.

In truth, it’s just going to be a busy day and it’s something I’m responsible for in this particular instance, and I don’t mind. I don’t mind as I’ve brought it entirely upon myself, but I can persevere. I can get through it all, and I can see the end of the day easily enough. I just need to make sure that I do actually get everything done. I’m good at not and so… yeah.

Alright, what else can I write right now? I can talk about this music that I’m listening to. I can think of other things to write and then announce those and then never follow up on it, and that’s a thing. That’s okay. Or it’s not. I don’t know. But anyway.

Maybe I’ll try and write some fiction after this. Get some stories out there, find where they all lie and sit, and then go on from there. I do have a few that I was hoping to start sooner than this week, but that’s the way it goes. I’ve certainly put in what I feel is a valiant effort this week, so at the very least I can hold my head up on high in some manner. Hold it up and be proud of my effort, despite the quality not matching in the slightest. Might just do that, actually.

Still a few more words to go, however. Thinking about what I’ll do after this is not helpful to the process, and the process isn’t working. It hasn’t been working for a while, but I’ve kept going. I’ve kept pushing against, and that has been fine, I guess. Probably should have rethought things a good while ago. Didn’t and now I’m here, still going, still churning, still acting as though I am at the pinnacle of brilliance, whatever that means. Doesn’t mean anything, really. Or does it?

And so I’m nearly at the end of this writing. Definitely need to stretch my legs a bit, get moving, get grooving, get on with the getting on and find my way through these messes of sentences and wiry spindles of crap writing. So I should stop saying I need to and just get on with it. Go outside, get some light on me, get some food due to my laziness preventing me from making some this morning, go see the outside world, find where the things lie and think a little bit more about where to go from here.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 12:05:83

More serious / silly writing, brought to you by a Monday.

It’s quite obvious where I think my mind lies at this point. Not sure if a good thing or a bad thing.

Written at work.

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Cool Geese

A photo of geese… looking cool.

So this group (gaggle?) was walking toward the nearby pond. I decided to try and get a photo of them, which is the below one, and I think it turned out really well.

This is my submission into the three hundred-and-ninety-third Lens-Artists Photo Challenge, and as this blog is ending in a few days, my last submission into the series. The theme for this one is “Lucky Shot“.

The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:

Tina

Patti

Ann-Christine aka Leya

John Steiner

Sofia Alves

Anne Sandler

Egídio

Ritva

Beth

This one is curated by Sofia. The next one is curated by John.

I recommend joining the community and participating in the challenges. They’re pretty straightforward, allow room for interpretation, and provide a good way to think about photography in general. If not, however, then at the very least you should check out what others submit to the challenges.

I hope you enjoy.

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Mercury, Part 4

Another of these (previous parts here, here and here). Still not great, none of this parts will be, but it’s nice to have them shared.

I hope you enjoy.

Harvey and Cave headed on to the pub, their thoughts weighing heavily upon them. It was not long before they arrived and it was not long before the silence held onto them They sat there, staring off into nothingness, feeling as though there was nothing else that they could discuss about what they had witnessed. It went nowhere and it provided nothing and the silence was something that they needed to break, even if to just move away from the topic at hand, but the silence was deafening and neither felt they could speak out above it, for when they thought they could it would roar and intimidate them back into their position of fealty.

Spectacle ruled in this particular moment in time and if they could not escape it, then they should at least try to confront it, but that too was something that neither felt that they could get away with doing. Therefore, more silence held until Cave spoke up.

“I’ll get the first round.”

Cave walked on over to the bar and Harvey was left there to their thoughts. They felt that beforehand the thoughts were, at the very least, shared, but this was something else entirely. This was them and their thoughts; their thoughts were seated somewhere next to them, poking and pressing at them, asking a thousand questions but not waiting for any answers. What did they see? Did it mean anything? Could Cave have not been full of shit this whole time? It just kept playing back and piling on more questions and it just kept going on and on, and all Harvey wanted to do was just sit there and enjoy a drink before getting on with something else, and they wanted their interface back so they could go back to making their shitty music again. They wanted something to do whilst on this paid leave and they had nothing at hand, and so it was and so it would be for that time in the pub.

It was pretty in a way, but as Harvey tried to remember it Mercury retrograde kept on shifting in their mind. They knew what they saw, but their mind kept on playing around with it, changing it so that whilst the same series of events occurred, the image differed every time Harvey tried to remember it and it was something that Harvey could not get away from. That they could remember what happened clearly but the memory kept on changing threw them off. It was weird and uncomfortable and it was something they’d not experienced before, and they wondered what it all meant and-

“You gonna have your drink?”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“So… that was a pretty weird thing, hey.”

“I guess. You tell me what it all means.”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on. Surely it must mean something in all that cosmic woo bullshit that you believe.”

“I can’t tell you.”

“You sure?”

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you. That was something fantastic, but we already tried discussing it. WE tried putting it to words but the closest thing that I can get to is that it was… well, overwhelming. I don’t know what it means. I don’t know if it means anything at all. Perhaps it means some sort of particularly intense form of Mercury Retrograde. Maybe something happened to Mercury. Maybe something hit it hard enough for it to disintegrate and that’s what we saw. I got nothing.”

“But if something hit it, then surely it wouldn’t have appeared intact.”

“Who knows?”

“Maybe someone at the observatory saw it. Maybe we could go there tomorrow and ask them.”

“Why not this evening?”

“Because after this I want to go home and sleep.”

“They have people who work the evenings too, you know.”

“Well, maybe. Let’s see. Let’s just try and sit here and move away from it and hope that we forget about it and can then go on with our lives.”

Once more there was silence, and the sound of people became distant, somehow. The space that Harvey and Cave inhibited seemed to enclose around them and they were suddenly in their own dome that they could not escape from. Their food arrived and they took it and ate in silence, until eventually Cave spoke up once more.

“You know, as I try to remember it it seems to change.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you saw it and you saw what happened. That’s what I remember, and I remember how it happened and the stretch that formed behind Mercury, but every time I try to remember it something about it changes. The same events occur but something is different, such as the shape and size of the trail, or how Mercury was moving the way it was moving.”

“I see.”

“You’re having the same thing happen, aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Alright. We’re going to the observatory after this.”

“Why not consult the crystals?”

“Fuck off.”

“Why do you want to go to the observatory? I thought you found Astronomy to be a corrupted practice.”

“I saw something I hadn’t seen before, and so did you. Maybe someone there saw it. I think we should go ask.”

“Trusting science then?”

“I want a view outside of yours and mine.”

“Mine errs closer to the science and the realm of logic than yours.”

“So you say, but that’s beside the point. Maybe they know something that we don’t.”

Harvey and Cave ate as quickly as they could, then got up and left. The pub was full and there were people joyous and celebratory outside, but neither cared. They just wanted to see if they could get answers and so off they went walking at an accelerated pace.

The sense of foreboding and the weight of unease held fast upon their backs and they felt pressed down by some sort of belief that there was forbidden knowledge that they could not reach, or at least have been too exposed to in order to be able to understand. Regardless, they had to press on in order to get some sort of answers.

The sound of creatures made themselves known as the two traveled, and it was not long before they reached their destination. Cave approached the main entrance which was now shut and not open to the public at this particular hour, except for at very specific points in time and during specific events. There were some stargazers out on the area around, doing their thing, enjoying their time. Some were there to have evening picnics; others were looking to spark a little romance. But all in all they were few and far between, and so Harvey and Cave seemed to stick out with their speedy movement, almost seeming as thoguh they were going to deliver some urgent news.

Cave looked for a buzzer or intercom and tried to trigger it, but it didn’t seem to work. Harvey stood there, wondering what they were doing and felt that it was a fruitless endeavour.

“Come on Cave, let’s go. No one is coming. They’ve probably switched it off so they can do what they need to do undisturbed.”

“No, people are in there. I’m sure someone has an idea of what has happened.”

After a few more minutes someone came down, looking a little bewildered and annoyed.

“What took you so long?”

“We’re working. Also, the intercom appears to be functioning intermittently. What do you want?”

“Well, I wanted to ask about Mercury Retrograde today.”

The scientist looked at Cave for a brief moment and sized them up. Their face grew blank, as though exasperated but unable to express it, before they chose their words carefully.

“This is not worth anyone’s time.”

“But did you see it?”

“No. Go away.”

“It was weird! It was strange and it didn’t look the way it’s meant to!”

“Nice choice of words, Cave.”

“Can it.”

“Look, what my friend is trying to say here is that we have concerns about what we saw when we tried to watch Mercury cross the sky and we want to see if anyone else here saw anything, or if it is some sort of regular thing and we’re paranoid for no reason.”

“You’re paranoid for no reason.”

“Okay, but can we get some sort of confirmation?”

“…Alright, here’s what I’ll tell you. The observatory is open to the public in the morning. None of the night crew on at the moment saw Mercury today. Go away now.”

The scientist left. Cave grumbled to themselves for a bit whilst they and Harvey walked away. Near them some stargazers expressed awe at some of the stars as they seemed to shine and shimmer in the sky. Cave and Harvey would’ve looked, but Harvey just wanted to get home as quickly as possible, and Cave was too busy being annoyed by how pointless the endeavour seemed.

“Satisfied, Cave?”

“No. We’re going back tomorrow morning.”

“You’re on your own. I’ve got things to do.”

“You’re not doing anything at the moment and you’re not going to do anything tomorrow either.”

Cave had a point, but Harvey didn’t want to engage with this. They [referred to be left to their thoughts and they just wanted to be bored alone and without Cave’s interference.

“Alright, I’ll make a deal. You get up in the morning and I’ll come along. You’re not up in the morning, you’re on your own.”

Harvey felt rather clever about putting this forward. They knew that Cave wasn’t in a position to get up at an hour some considered reasonable, and so they knew that Cave would fail.

“You’re on.”

Harvey hoped that that would be the end of it, but they also felt curious to know and decided that they’d go in the morning by themselves. They probably were just imagining the whole thing and their thoughts were just fixated on something that was actually pretty normal, or maybe they imagined they whole thing. That would at least explain why they couldn’t remember it the same way twice. Regardless, there was now something that lay ahead and it was something to at least help distract for a few hours. At the moment sleep was more important, however, and so at a steady pace Harvey and Cave made their way home, soon to rest for a small day lay ahead.

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Taku Inoue: Across the Katamari Draft

This is the last in a series of four bits of writing about music that affected me last year in some way. There’s a few changes between this and the final version (which will hopefully be published in a few days), but the main thing I want to highlight is that there was a line about my not understanding Japanese which allowed me to hear the song differently. I removed it from the draft and the final as it felt like a really arrogant and ignorant thing to say. It also felt disrespectful. Removing it improved the parts around it quite a bit, too.

Of note, the main vocalist of the song is MO’SOME TONEBENDER’s Momo Kazuhiro (百々和宏), and it’s through this song that I got into that band.

The final version of this essay will be published on From Somewhere out the Back. If you’ve been following my stuff here long enough, then you’ll recognise the name as the title for when I write about music releases in my music collection. I’d been intending to dedicate a space for those pieces for a while, and of course rather than hold to that, the space expanded to more than just music.

The draft below is just to give an idea of progress.

I hope you enjoy.

At some point in the second half of 2025 I discovered the song “Across the Katamari”, a song used in Touch my Katamari and included in its soundtrack album, Katamari Damacy Novita Original Soundtrack: Katamori Damacy. The album’s cover features a mandrill enjoying what I think is a bowl of ramen. It’s calm. The Katamari series is seldom calm, but it can have a calming effect, strangely enough. Among all the bizarreness and rather brazen, destructive action, there’s a whimsy that comes in its process of creation, of its continued work and building and working and working some more… you get the idea. “Across the Katamari” is calm, but it’s also not.

What an opening paragraph.

“Across the Katamari” starts with light percussion twinkling in a vast silence. Vocals soon join, singing short phrases. Elongating where required, and always remaining concise. More percussion comes in, firm, yet still gentle. Brass starts enunciating the melody, building on it whilst adding its own detail. More instrumentation joins and adds its own flair, widening the. There’s a bit going on, but everything is kept light and simple and gentle. Inviting in a way. Perhaps comforting and relational.

There’s a pause and additional vocals appear, harmonising, keeping things flowing and creating this very soft, small moment. The main vocal re-enters, then everything then comes back and creates this moment of grandness. The melody pushes out further, harder. Those background voices harmonise with the surrounding instrumentation, and it’s just a big and beautiful, yet humble moment. It doesn’t feel like it’s trying to be anything more than it needs to be, and it feels thankful. There’s gratitude in there.

The song becomes gentle once more, and sounds sort of drifts in a controlled way, becomes big once more, then returns to a verse. There’s more energy here, but there’s also more space. It doesn’t last long and once more things get big, and perhaps feel like a release in a way. The main vocals keep singing short phrases, and remain both gentle and firm and fronting, and a little smooth and a little rough, and eventually they disappear and once more let the song do its thing. The instruments stay in control as they drift and seemingly explore a beauty, a wonderment of the grandness of everything until they reach one more percussive curl, then let a guitar close everything off with the quiet smallness of everything.

Excellent stuff.

Before editing, I said that “Across the Katamari” is a perfectly-composed song. I don’t know if that’s fair as it doesn’t say anything about the song at all. Plenty of music out there is perfectly composed. It doesn’t mean it makes for good music. Instead, I want to say that “Across the Katamari” is an affective song. It makes great use of cycles and layering whilst preserving a sense of space. Vocals harmonising with the other instruments, and everything moves through a sectioned build that feels organic. It’s small and massive at the same time, and it’s fragile and strong, and efficient. It’s so many things, and it’s just a song. What I think makes it good, however, is none of this.

Where the song shines is in allowing itself to straddle many different emotions in one go. There is, what I feel, a genuine sense of wonderment, joy, jubilation, happiness, celebration… but there’s a certain openness in it, in the way the sounds flow, the way the push forward and pull back, and become massive at times without coming off as smothering. The lightness in them, and their ability to become expansive without becoming sparse. As such, it can be about something different from one listen to the next because it’s universal.

The great thing about music is how, even if understood, its meaning can change context based on different situations. A lot of music comes from the heart, and it often takes a lot of work to create something that feels throwaway like filler. “Across the Katamari” feels like it had a lot of heart and soul thrown into it. It feels like a song that Taku Inoue (here credited as NBGI) poured a lot into, and it feels like a lot of things, but it also feels optimistic and hopeful. It’s a song filled with wonderment, even when it feels sad.

That this song is used in a game considered (as far as I’m aware) controversial is a downright shame, because this is a great song. Until recently “Across the Katamari” was the last bit of credits music heard in a Katamari game. Maybe that adds a bit of unintended poignancy to it. I imagine it wasn’t composed as being final in mind, but it does feel final. To be fair, plenty of great music requires digging, but this is one really should be more readily accessible. Sure, the album it’s on is out there. You don’t have to play through a game to hear it, but how many people are going to come across it of their own accord? I only came across it by chance, but that’s the way it goes, really.

I feel lucky for having come across “Across the Katamari”. It makes me think about how small I am in the grand scheme of things, and how, whilst moments of joy will pass, I still carry those experiences with me. I think about the mandrill eating ramen on the album cover, and I think about my own intensity. This is a Mandrill embracing a moment of calm. A moment I’m an intense person and aging hasn’t changed that, though I’m a bit more controlled, at least.

To be clear, I’m not trying to relate myself to mandrills here. They are intense and sometimes violent creatures, as are so many animals we love, but on the cover of Katamari Damacy Novita Original Soundtrack: Katamori Damacy, we have one just enjoying a moment in time. It’s a picture that I feel works well with “Across the Katamari”, because the image can get across so many things, much like the song. There’s energy in the song; there’s energy in a mandrill. But sometimes, just sometimes, you gotta take time to relax and enjoy moments in life, and that’s something that we can all take something from.

I don’t know how the longtime fans of the series feel about the song, but “Across the Katamari” made me believe in music again. I’m finding myself thinking about last year and the trip it was. I think about the music that spoke to me. Mastodon’s “Gigantium” made me think of my friends. Lianne La Havas’ “Weird Fishes” spoke to me in a way that no other song could. Fever made me want to write about music again.

Music has been good, and writing has been there, but there’s been a detachment, as though I haven’t been taking part. I’m not really there. I played my first gig in six years and that was great fun, and  there’s potential for more sooner rather than later, but I wasn’t fully in it. There’s stuff that I’d heard that was affecting, but it wouldn’t take hold of me in the way music usually did. But “Across the Katamari”, and its being about anything whilst also reflecting on the journey to that point, and in its grand smallness; I came across it at the right time, and it made me believe in music again.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 285: Best Year, Stats-Wise

So I just found out that I’ve now had my best year here, stats-wise. The now-second best is 2017. Probably reached it yesterday or the day before. Maybe earlier today. I don’t know. I think this is interesting.

I’m not sure what I did well in 2017 that I was unable to replicate in other years. Maybe there was a lot more introspection or something. I don’t know and I don’t care to know, and that’s the main thing to take away from this. But anyway, that’s another story for another day.

I don’t want to get too much into it, but it’s an interesting milestone, I think. Or rather, it’s an interesting thing to happen. I think it’s interesting as this is happening when I’m approaching the end of the blog. A good few months ago, traffic just shot up and it’s stayed up, and I don’t know what has happened to cause this. I don’t know why people are suddenly swarming all over the space. I haven’t offered anything new or different. It’s as it has always been, nothing has changed, really. Well, the quality has gotten worse, but other than that, nothing has changed. It’s just been a massive dear diary thing for far too long, far away from the original purpose, and it keeps on going. The crap keeps on coming and there is no end in sight!

Oh wait, there is. Anyway…

So I’m doing well, numbers-wise. I’m doing the best I’ve ever done, and if I were to continue on to the end of the year, I’m sure I’d do far better than I am now. I don’t want to do that, however. I just want this to end in a few days. I want to be rid of it and then shake my brain for whatever comes next.

I wonder what attracts people to what I’m doing. I’ve never been a competent writer. Actually, I’m competent, but I’d never call myself a good writer. My vocabulary is highly limited, and my sentence construction is severely lacking. Maybe my writing feels incredibly human, or something.

These are things that I’ll never know the answer to, and I think that;s okay. I think that’s fine, because I’ll keep writing the way that I write and hopefully make some sort of incremental growth along the way, and some people will like it and some people won’t. I’ll just keep on going and doing my thing, because that’s all I can do, really. Well, I could stop, but I don’t want to stop. I just want the shape to change. The direction. And look toward other horizons. Toward other sunrises and sunsets. Find my path and cut through it with a long horn, so that I can then call victory once done.

So life goes on and I’m here, a bit baffled by the change in numbers. But the explosion in growth. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t know what it means or says about much of anything other than some people are now enjoying this, or at least coming here, than there had been previously.

So where do I go from here? I still have more words to write this evening and I’m getting there, but it’s tiring. It’s taking it out of me, so I hope that means that I will sleep tonight. Sleep and do backflips in my dreams. Flick backwards and somersault in whatever direction one does those in. I don’t know, I’m not a flipper. I am good at flipping, or something similar, however, so maybe there’s something that I can understand. But this, this I don’t understand.

What makes popularity? What makes success? Somehow I’ve gotten this far in my life without knowing much of either, and I’m still going and going strong, or at least what I think is strong. I’m still getting to the end of each day and waking up in the morning, and I’m still here. That’s quite a lot and I’m happy with that. That means something, even if it doesn’t mean that I’m rich and able to relax. That is some sort of success still, so I can be thankful for that.

And so… yeah. I don’t know where else to go with all of this. There’s still so little to say and so, so many words to use to say it all. I am struggling hard, but I’m getting there. I’m getting through it, and that;s the main thing. So long as I keep saying, I can keep playing. So long as I can keep playing, I can find my way through all the confusion and struggle and get to the other end in one piece. Maybe two pieces, or six pieces if I’m lucky. Then there will be more of me to go around.

Maybe the sudden increase in views is due to people wanting to see how thin someone can stretch themselves. I’m practically translucent at this point, however. Not sure if there’s more stretching that can be done, though maybe there is. I don’t know, I don’t hope to know and I don’t care to know either. I can just keep on stretching. Stretching further and further, going beyond all that is and all that ever was, and then finding myself wind back up in a quick movement. A snapping motion, and… yeah. You get the idea. I get the idea. We all get the idea. Now onto the next thing.

But perhaps it is that. Maybe it’s not, and maybe it;s something else entirely. Maybe there is some quality in all that I have written that I am blind to, and it attracts people. That’d be neat if it is indeed the case, so I will not rule that out just yet. However, maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I will rule it out and then I will be ruled by what I don’t know, and life will continue and I’ll go to work and… yeah. Fun times in the grind.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 12:16:31

Decent speed for something a bit more serious than my usual fare.

Written at Killara.

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