Feels a bit like crashing against the walls, today does.
Some news that should be good but just am quite tired at this point. Need to rest properly. And so on and so forth.
Yesterday I was cold and today… I am still cold, but I am not as cold as yesterday. Therefore I have defeated the cold and there shall be no more cold for the rest of eternity. Everything will be not cold. Maybe there will be no warmth, but there will be no cold.
So today has been crashing against the walls and little of much happened and that’s alright. Sometimes a slow day is a good day. Some good news but it passed through me. It was there and it was gone and now I sit here, tired, wanting to rest but unable to because of various reasons and all of that other crap that has no need to be gotten into in this tiny space.
I’ve become a shadow of a self that never existed and all I’m doing is writing down the train. It’s as though I need to sell my angst until it runs out but it keeps pouring and I can’t find a buyer. It doesn’t end and I’m just stuck here dealing with it in a way that doesn’t deal with it and I’ve got to start wondering as to when it reaches its conclusion.
With that being said I want to keep things light and airy but the air is drifting away and so I’m just holding my breath in a way that might be seen as weird and that is because it is weird. It is weird to hold breath in this manner, but what am I gonna do? Other than not much?
Tell you what though, holding breath has a way of getting pretty boring. Can’t put it in a jar; just gotta keep my hands around it until I no longer have to hold it, but I don’t know when that is and so my hands remain around my breath.
Maybe I was meant to follow the air but instead I’m wallowing in my misery and wondering when all of this changes around and I can rest and feel relaxed. Probably once the good news comes to actualisation.
Why am I writing this in brief snippets? Probably makes it more annoying to read. I don’t know if it actually does, but it probably does. I think.
Perhaps once everything settles I can finally rest. I can finally take it easy and not have to worry about much else. Or maybe my worries will increase as they descend upon me to take me to some place I don’t want to go and force me to take them on and then I’ll just remain worried as the universe folds in on itself to make way for whatever comes next, and I’ll just have to deal with it. Rather not have that happen.
Still, at least I beat the cold.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:25:16
This I had to force myself through and I think it shows.
There are parts that I feel would be really good if they were expanded upon and made their own things. There also are parts that are just crap.
Written at home.
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