I need to stop checking my emails as frequently as I am today. I am waiting for some responses and I need to make sure that I don’t miss them. At the same time I need to make sure I don’t seem overly eager or desperate, which I guess I am.

Where is the right balance when it comes to responding to an email? Is there are particular amount of time that is considered the minimum? What about the maximum? I’d rather just not waste anyone’s time and perhaps I am busy today but I need to make it look like I’m not so busy I can’t respond, but that I’m not doing anything at the same time, which I am, even though I am busy today.

It’s a bit of a conundrum I’m finding myself in and I’m, twisting myself into various knots not knowing how to go about all of this but I need to work this out.

Maybe I can have the emails beamed directly into my brain and that way I won’t miss anything. If I do that, then surely I am set up for success and if I am set up for success then I am set up for going farther than I ever have before. Then I’ll have to ride the gravy train all the way into the golden hours that I never thought possible and if I do that, then surely I will find myself with a surfeit of riches and then I can go back to tending to my garden and that would be wonderful, I think.

Maybe it wouldn’t be wonderful. Maybe it would be bad and then, in knowing success I will not know what else there is and I will collapse into an inevitable black hole of sadness and disappointment. Slowly my rage will consume me, leaving little else other than a shallow husk of what once was, and my crust will be so brittle that I’ll just fall apart in flakes the moment anyone even suggests the idea of a breeze.

This is all a balancing act and I need to make sure I find the right balance. I don’t know how to find that but I’m sure that I will find it, but what does it take to do that? What does it take to ensure that I get there in one piece and not four? I don’t want to be in four pieces; that’s a lot to carry around and I need my hands free to tell people how busy I am, which I am, even though I’m not actually doing anything to make myself less busy.

There’s just too much danger in all of this so it’s probably better I stick to checking my emails with alarming regularity. That way the day remains consistent in some manner and everything is fine and all that other stuff that I get to say that I think makes me sound good but actually says nothing of viable substance.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:51:83

I think some of this is decent and some of this is lacking. Uneven overall, but some of it I like.

Written at home.