Trying to get a bit of writing done before I head out as I’ll be heading out soon, and I find myself wondering if I have anything to offer at this point. Of course writing doesn’t have to be about giving something to an audience, or giving more of yourself to an audience and whatnot, but I still wonder.

I think about this as I’m operating in a manner where, on one hand I don’t quite care about what I’m putting out, though on the other I want to be putting out something of quality, though it’s quite apparent that most of the time I don’t. I also wonder as there often can be the desire for some sort of success that allows for a sense of reprieve and that is something that has eluded me, and I don’t know if that’s something I want to chase though at the same time it is, but I don’t know if I have anything left to offer.

Maybe there are significant layers of rubbish I need to get through before I create something that is worthwhile to an audience, and maybe once all those layers are removed it will be something great, though of course it could just be more trash.

On one hand I don’t think I’ve said everything I could say, and I don’t think I’ve said much of anything at all, but I have to wonder if maybe I’m just limited in what I can say about things and how I say them and there really is nothing left for me to “give”. Perhaps it’s pointless to wonder about these things but they certainly give some pause for thought and there of course is a lot of doubt.

I have an ending in mind here but what if I should pack in everything now? My wrist is getting worse and I need to do more to look after it, and perhaps I should. I’ve felt drained for a long time, though it often is in a series of upswings and downswings, and I get those bursts where I don’t feel those things.

I love writing but I’m not a good writer and I think that maybe my ability to grow as a writer is not as strong as I’ve hoped it would be, and so maybe it is time to stop. Maybe it is time to think hard about what I am and am not doing here, and think about if I should just stop now. I’m not sure as I’d rather stick to my plan, but I right now I don’t know what else I can say about anything, and I don’t know if I have much of anything to offer here.

Of course though I’ll keep going. I’ll probably forget about this and keep going toward my plan and then that will be that. But right now I have my doubts and that’s okay, but I should think more about this, but for now I probably won’t.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:04:19

Might be the most “naked” thing I’ve written in a while.
I think it’s a decent piece, though it certainly is rough.

Written at home.