It’s early and someone has started blasting music, or at least it sounds like someone has started blasting music. It is difficult to tell, but maybe the day will reveal more as it travels through a period of time.

It is not actually that early but it feels like it is early. It feels quiet and that’s nice. Well, other than someone blasting their music from a distance, it feels quiet.

Maybe I imagined the music blasting.

So I sit here. It is a gloomy day and it is a warm day, and I sit here and I’m trying to think of something to say that will provide some sort of sense. I am trying to think of something that will wrap up this year in a nice and neat way, but I’ve got nothing. Maybe it is too soon for me to be trying and I shouldn’t be trying to force these things anyway. I’d like to believe that I’m not trying to force them, but rather forcibly looking for them but maybe that’s the same thing at the end of the day.

I stare at the ceiling and as I do time passes. Time drifts along in a way and it’s all wasted, and whilst there’s plenty to do, there’s nothing to do. Sometimes that’s the way it all is. Sometimes things just tick away and you can do nothing but stare and drift off, and hope for the best whilst expecting the worst.

I think I’m being too dramatic. Possibly not, but I think I am, and I wonder if that really us the thing to do today. I think think of better things, maybe, but I’m sitting here and I’m wasting time. I’m drifting off and I’m drifting in and out, and I’m just wondering about wondering and trying to get my thoughts out. I’m trying to get something forward and I’m wasting time, but I’m also not and none of this is worth writing as it could easily be summarised as “today I’m feeling indecisive”. However, that does not make for much writing and, whilst it leads to other things, it in itself does not make much use of words.

Well, okay; it uses words well, but there are plenty of ways to make good use of words. Being concise is good, but so is being descriptive. So is going on tangents and exploring where they lead, but you need to do it in a way that is still effective, or you don’t. I know that sometimes I am but most of the time I am not, and I wonder as to whether I can turn that around, but right now I don’t know if that’s worth exploring beyond the surface. There’s still a lot of stuff that I need to do before work starts and I don’t have much time to get it all done, but maybe I will. Maybe I’ll get some exploring and certainty down in a way that’s effective, I hope.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:20:15

I think this is too scattered. There are parts that connect well, but overall it’s a messy read.
Maybe I would have felt differently had I shared it shortly after writing.

Written at home.