So yesterday I ran out of money. Not much to say there; not like people run out of money all the time, really. Still have my job, but now cannot afford to pay rent and quite possibly not able to pay bills either. Will have to see.

Four years of trying to get a better job and now on my fourth or fifth iteration of my resume since 2020. I wanted this year to be a counter to last  and already it has been a more intense slog, and I have to wonder – as I often do – how much longer can I keep going?

Maybe this just reads as more drama, but the longer I go without better work, or even getting genuine paid offers for my photo work the harder it is, and at this point it’s now a matter of working out what I can sell to stay above water because it’s either that or no roof.

This is a fucked situation. I don’t know how people are able to get work at the moment. I don’t know how many jobs I need to throw myself at before I get an interview and then get past the interview stage. I don’t know how much more well-wishing I can tolerate, especially from those who are in a position of stability, and those who are able to help, because well-wishing does not help in the slightest. Money does, and a constant cycle of well-wishing and being told how good I am has not done much to put me in a better financial position.

It sucks and I don’t want to be complaining about this, but the only thing I can do is keep on trying and hope something changes soon, but without money there’s not much of anything I can do. I’m not earning enough to survive and I’m dealing with a constant flow of job rejections, and if this doesn’t reverse before the month’s end, then it’s not going to be good.

Of course my ability to stay afloat also depends on how quickly things sell. We’ll see.

I don’t want to be offloading this first thing in the morning. There are other things that I want to be doing and I need to keep on applying for jobs. I don’t want to be going into another call centre, even if it is better money as I don’t have the mental capacity to keep doing call centre work. It’s already damaging me a fair bit at this point, but if I have to I have to, but it won’t be helpful. It’s just going to cause more damage.

So… yeah. I’d rather write something happy, but now that I’m operating with no money and trying to keep a roof over my head, things are bad and I need something to change within the next few weeks. Otherwise it’s just going to get worse.

So… that’s what I have to say this morning. It’s a downer, but this is what I’m dealing with.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 09:40:91

Part of me feels a bit awful for sharing this, but this is what is happening and, along with everything else, it’s consuming my time in a rather heavy manner.

Written at home.