Alright, so I’m going to power through things for the next fifteen minutes. What am I going to do? Not much, but there will be power and I will be powering. Them, after work, I will head home and do some more powering.

It seems that as life changes and this music is too loud in my ears, I keep on circulating around the same pole and go nowhere but either down or up, and I don’t get closer to the pole and I don’t get farther away. Sometimes that is the way of things.

I think back on my life and I think about now, and perhaps I’m not where I would be had I “applied” myself better when I was younger, but I am where I want to be, and quite frankly that’s good enough. That’s better than good enough. It’s good enough and then some.

Some people aim for the stars, and perhaps I do too, but I’m also trying to keep myself grounded. I’m trying to get used to the new job. I’m three months in and I’m getting there. I’m less tired at the end of the day, and it’s nice. It’s good. I can get more done by the time I get home, and that’s great. There still is plenty of work to be done, however, but I’ll get there. I’ll keep on going, or at least I hope to be able to keep on going. You never know what will happen, but I will keep on trying. I owe myself that much.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just some person on a boat, or on a mountain range, or somewhere else that allows some wide and expansive and perhaps overwhelming view, and I’m staring through it as though I’m far more intelligence and deep than I actually am. So much is surface and we try to tell ourselves otherwise, and that’s fine, I think. Sometimes skirting on the top is alright. However… I don’t know. Obviously that paints a very specific image and there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with it, but I’m sure there are plenty of people who are deluding themselves, and I’m sure I also am to some extent. But I don’t know.

There area  lot of things that I don’t know, and I’ve said this before but that’s okay. It’s okay to not know everything, or even most things, but we need to be aware and we need to be willing to be wrong. We need to be willing to learn and change and grow, and sometimes that means our belief in our selves needs to be pushed into. It doesn’t need to be damaged, and won’t if we accept that we can’t be right about everything, and that we always have more to learn, and I think that’s an awesome thing. I think it’s great that we can grow and become better people.

Until then, however, I think I’ll keep on staring off into that distance that I’m imagining.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:17:58

I feel this got better toward the end. All there is to say from me.

Written at work.