I still need to write about a thing that happened a few weekends ago that I’ve mentioned; actually, I don’t, but I want to, and I should get onto it, and maybe I will a bit later today. I still need to also do a lot of word editing, and that takes time and all those things, and it all swirls on down into a drain upon which the other things find themselves in disarray, and it all scatters and slowly the narrative is lost to time… except in memory.

Sometimes I want to go back to writing all the silly and ridiculous and absurd stuff, and maybe that has been lost to time too. I don’t know, but sometimes I want to go back there, or rather, I want to go back there a lot but it doesn’t happen. Perhaps the years have taken away my ability to write absolute crap. Who knows.

But you can’t get back what once was; if you do, it is then now. It might not be “new”, but the flow of experience and change makes it something somewhat different, even if it is “exactly the same”, and that’s because perspective changes and all that stuff. You get the idea.

I don’t know what I’m going on about, but I do know that I need to be more productive, or rather, I need to actually get back to being productive. I’m not doing it enough, and personally I feel it’s a bit of a shame. Maybe in being productive I can get back to what once was and then make it become is, and from there the journey forward will continue as though it was nothing more than just a gap.

All that being said, sometimes you do have to leave things in the past. People change and grow… or you’d rather hope that people do, or at the very least learn how to stay a way whilst still maturing and becoming a better person, or something… You get the idea. Essentially, perhaps there are things that have left me and perhaps they are better left in the past because bringing them back is not a good idea unless it happens organically.

I can’t force silliness and I can’t force absurdity. I can work with it, but if it doesn’t feel good and right, perhaps it’s not worth working with unless I can find a way to make that sense of not feeling good and right feel good and right.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just giving up because I’ve had some good fortune in my life, and that is a concern. Still, I try to push on and I try to improve and I keep on going, and hopefully things do switch around, but I also hope that I keep growing and changing, and if that means having to leave some things behind, then so be it. Sometimes that’s the best way forward, and sometimes you have no choice but to accept it.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:51:42

Personally I’m finding this bit of writing appreciably introspective.
It’s not great and I feel it’s a little too repetitive, but it’s touching on something that feels natural.

Written at work.