Another day, and a warm one, and low money… until some point tomorrow, when it all starts flowing in as though I never had low money to begin with.

Nothing changes, and everything changes, and drifting through and continuing on, and it all seems okay, sometimes. But I wonder. Sometimes I really wonder and I have to wonder if things really are okay, or if I’m just pretending they are… on a small and incredibly personal scale, of course.

I don’t want to write misery. I don’t want to write sadness. I want to write something enjoyable and good, and well-meaning and all that stuff. However, I feel I am prevented from doing so, sometimes. I want to go back to writing silly little fiction that goes nowhere and serves little else other than to maybe, maybe get something across, if there is indeed anything to get across at all, but it’s not happening and I’m tired and I need to finish off this review that I started so I can get about thirty other things done, and I’m tired and really over it all, and need some rest but rest isn’t going to happen today. It won’t happen tomorrow either. Just need to keep on charging on and try to get as much done as I can, and keep going from there. Hopefully, just hopefully.

But today is hard. Today is operating on a lack of sleep and an embarrassment of stress, and I keep going as it’s nearly over and maybe I can overcome it all and get to the end in one piece.

I hope I can get to the end in one piece.

But I need a bit more money in my pocket and a bit less stress, and neither is happen and so I just need to keep going and all that stuff. Just need to see the end of the day and find my way to tomorrow, and maybe I’ll feel a little lighter then. I don;t kn9ow, to be honest, but sometimes not knowing is part of the journey and all that. Sometimes not knowing is fun, but it’s not fun here. It’s just unnecessary stress.

It’s unnecessary in part as I don’t know what will happen this evening and I’m thinking about something that, ultimately, isn’t going to matter much anyhow. I just need to find my rest and go from there. Need to get on with the getting on and punch through the day. Need to resolve all that lies before me and find the answers and then finally, finally lie down and hope that that’s the end of it. Hope that I get some sleep, because I am tired and I am tired of being tired. I need to get some downtime and I need to look after myself better, for sure.

Well anyway, that’s all for later. I need to get back to it and find the best way forward through the rest of the day. I’ll get there.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:57:34

This was far more serious than I’d hoped. All there is to say, really.

Written at work.