Oh I’ve just realised I’ve lost most of the day to sitting here doing very little, but it has been productive, I promise! I’ve gotten through some things. Perhaps not all things, but certainly some and some is more than none, and that’s a good thing… I hope. I believe.

A bit of a weird day though. I started off going for breakfast and gradually finishing a book I’m reading for an essay I’m working on, and I got through it and it was good to get through. Got some washing done. Got some domestic chores finished. Now I’m here.

In that time I thought a lot about what I’m going to write and how I’m going to write it, but there has been no writing. I’m here, sitting and until now I haven’t written a lick. But that;s okay, because I know I can hammer out the rough draft and then edit it quickly, and then I’m good. But I don’t know if I can publish it yet as there remains much more to get through before the end of the day and not enough time and it’s all running out and… yeah. But I’ll get there, or I won’t. The power is mine… or it’s not.

The past few days have been ones of a good deal of fatigue and maybe that’s the signifier of the end of this run, but I have to keep going. I have to keep on powering on and power through it because I have written so much and I don’t want it to drag out. I want this year to be the year. I want this year to be the one where I get stuff done. I want every year to be that way, but last year was a real drag on my productivity from just being really tired and drained and this year started as such, but I have to keep going. I need to rest, but I have to keep on going and pushing forward.

Still, a lazy day is a good day when it is one that is lazy. Of course this one wasn’t, but it felt lazy and that’s still pretty good. It could be far worse. It could be far better. Thinking about doing things, or at least planing them out still constitutes getting stuff done, I think. I hope.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about life. A lot of that existential gazing at the self that is easy to get wrapped up into, leading to inaction and all that. Floating along, drifting, trying to get it all done and failing miserably, but still powering along. Still going. Still trying to go. You know.

But it has been a nice day, even if a lot of it was “wasted”. Shortly I’ll start digging into what I wanted to dig into. Want to get started soon anyway as sleep steadily approaches and I definitely need sleep. That I know. Need to be carted off to intense dreamland.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:50:83

Decent speed I think. Bit of meandering, but it’s not the worst here. Just took a bit longer to find some footing than I expected.

Written at home.