Of course everything is a mix right now and I have no idea what’s going on. My contract ending is getting close and I’m yet to get a job interview. Need to cast the net wide, all of those things.

Today writing feels a little easier. Maybe I can get through today. One day at a time, one step… all of those things. If I can do it, then I can do it and that’s great. But I need to keep going. Need to keep pushing through it all. Need to get an interview and land something before the end of next month, or I’m screwed.

Tough times. Getting dumped and needing to find a job. Kicked when down, all of those things. You get the idea. However, do I get the idea? Is there something to learn from all of this? Perhaps. Perhaps not. We’ll have to see.

I think that today is a nice day, or at least it seems like it will be a nice day. I don’t know if it will be though. It’s one of those days where I’m holding onto hope, but not expecting my desires to be fulfilled. It’s one of those waiting to see what happens-type days. But I’ll get through it.

Not much choice, really.

I want to talk about getting dumped, and I guess I am, but I also want to avoid a repeat of 2014. I don’t want to be that person again. Good times, bad times, but also chaotically intense times, and it wasn’t good for me, at the end of it all. When I say that, there was good growth to come out of that year, but I don’t want to be going on and on about issues and working on myself and those introspective thoughts that, admittedly, helped me get through it all, but vetting all of it wasn’t great. But we’ll see. We’ll have to see what happens. Maybe it’ll all become too much and I’ll go ahead and pour it all out.

The day is young and so is the hurt, and it does hurt, but I’m getting through it. Still a long way to go, of course. Could easily go south, but I already know I’m handling it better than the last time, so that’s a plus.

So I’m sitting here, patting myself on the back whilst missing my partner terribly, and hurting all sorts of hurt, but I’m respecting her decision. We’re still under the same roof, but we’re staying away from each other. I have hope that we’ll work on our issues and work toward being together, but I’m not expecting a guarantee. I’m not expecting her to turn around and agree. I just hope, and that’s all I can do.

In the interim, I need to keep on going. I need to keep working toward having a job, but it’s getting close and I might have to step back once more, but hopefully I don’t. Hopefully I can get something good.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:30:48

Still a bit slow. Or fast. I don’t know.
Things are getting a bit dicey, so I’m hoping a job comes through.
This is a combination I really could do without right now, to be honest.

Written at work.