Doing the whiplash thing now. Have a job interview coming up this week. That’s some good news. It’ll be proper comfort money, too, which is a bonus. More interested in what the role offers, to be honest, but having a bit of extra coin is always nice.

It’s a weird moment because now my mood has gone right back up, and I feel so very confused, emotionally. Coming into that is that I’ve applied for a job I’m quite unqualified for, but they must have seen something in my CV that they thought was worthwhile. Got a good chance here and just need to work on it and be prepared. Be ready to go. Be set to show them that I am the best choice.

So I think about this and I think about how things are at home at the moment, and I still don’t feel good about much of anything, but I’m going to keep on going, of course. I’m going to keep on trying and doing my best and all of those things, because, well, what else can I do? I need to survive and I need to get to a better position, and that’s only going to happen with the work put in. Well, that and a good deal of luck, which is what I need right now.

I guess, rather than luck, more that whomever I need to agree that, yes, I’m worth opportunities, agrees. But we’ll see. We’ll see what happens. There’s a lot of work that needs to be done and all that.

So now I’m sitting here and I’m full of beans and I’m coping well and falling apart and all of those other things, and my state of mind swirls in tangents and patterns. It rises and falls with breathing and turns itself over and wherever, and it spreads across all that which is, and I’m just here, trying to live my best and do my best work and all those things. I’m weathering a storm and letting it move around and through me, and I’ve some good news, or rather a good chance at opportunity, and I need to take it. This is not a time to rest and take it easy. Once I know I have another job, then I can rest. Then I can wind down and take it easy… for a couple of weeks.

So… yeah. I don’t like writing in this way. I know I’ve said this before, but I really don’t. I never wanted this space to be a journal of personal issues as they happen, but that’s what has been coming forward and so that is what I’m trying to grapple with. I’m trying to get past it, hard as that may be, but I should be able to with a bit of time. Maybe a bit of hope, too. But we’ll see.

For now, I’m going to keep on charging on and trying to get through all of this. I’m going to try.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:25:37

Not a great bit, but I’m happy with this one, or parts of it, rather.
It’s clearly reflective of how I am at the moment, but it’s not wallowing and that’s an improvement, I think.

Written at work.