Well, I have a few minutes left on my lunch, and I’m a bit tired of despairing over tomorrow when tomorrow is yet to be, so I may as well write a bunch of words about how I’m hurting and trying to find where all the pieces fit. You know, the fun stuff.

I’m tired and I’m grouchy, and I’m sitting in a quiet room. I’m sitting alone, and I don’t know what is happening now. I don’t know where everything is going. I know that I can probably answer some of what tomorrow’s questions are likely to be, but I don’t know if I can answer them well. I can certainly try, however.

Can only do my best and can only go on from there. Can only keep on going. There’s much going to do, and maybe not enough trying being done. Learning. Need to learn more, need to learn how to answer these questions to the best of my ability. Can I do it? Don’t know, but I need to try.

I just want to go back to bed and lie down. I want to do the interview, but everything is so much at the moment. I don’t know how I’ll be when I get there, but I can only do what I can do in the moment. That much I hope for, because that, I know I can do.

Do.

So it’s a nice room, and it’s dark, or rather, it’s not highly illuminated, but that’s okay. I’m in here and I’ve time to think and be away from noise, though there’s that coming in. I’ve time to relax a little, or at least try to not panic, and tonight I’ll be back on the studying, preparing more for tomorrow.

I don’t know how prepared I am. I know that I know some thing, but I’m not sure if I’ll know enough. But that will come later, of course. All things in time. Just go in and do it. Do my best. Keep going. Keep going some more. Try to relax. Try to keep going. Try not to fall apart.

I feel it’s going to happen again soon, and I hope it doesn’t, but it might. It could very well do. If it does, well, I have to go from there. Have to pick myself back up and keep on going. What I need to do for tomorrow. There’s a lot of work that I need to do at the moment also, but I’m getting through it all, one moment at a time.

I’m lucky I have the support of my friends. I’m lucky that I have my friends in my life. I’m lucky that, despite feeling devastated over getting dumped, I still am somewhat independent. I’m lucky in a lot of ways, but there’s stuff that doesn’t make sense and I’m not sure my ex knows what she wants. I can only keep on going and working on myself, however, and I’ll keep on doing that.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:38:36

I think I’m going to start forcing a change in what I’m writing. This heavy stuff is what’s coming forward, but I really don’t want to be writing it. I want to be writing about other stuff, and exploring where stuff less heavy leads.

Written at work.