Got stuff to do and… well, I’m not sure I care right now. It has already been a morning and I just want to get to the end of the day. It’s too bright outside. It’s too dark inside. Where is the bed in which I want to lie? I want to lie in bed and relax a bit, but I cannot. Have too much going on and not enough time to get it all done.

Before all of that, however, it’s time to not care. It’s time to  hurt and work it all out and get on with the getting on, and I wonder if there is actually much going on at the moment or if there is nothing. I still want to wake up and have all of this be a bad dream, but that’s not going to happen and I need to keep persevering. I need to keep on going on.

But right now I’m sitting in a room, banging away on the keyboard. I’m trying to work some stuff out and then get on with the day, and I think I can do that. Noticing some stuff here and there that will go into the pile of things I need to take care of, and I’ll get through it and I’ll get to the end of the day at some point, but to be honest it doesn’t feel that I will. However, I always do. I’m lucky in some ways, and I think this is definitely one of them.

Now if only that luck would mean I somehow win a lot of money so I don’t have to worry about  asking people to help me out.

But even beyond all of saying that, I sit here, I can type. I’m getting a bit better. It’s slow, and it’s rather sudden, but I have to say, it’s nice.

I can type, I can write, and it’s all coming back, but the ache remains. It’ll take a long time, but I’ll get there. I’ll be okay. Always am when it comes to matters of the heart. Just need to keep on going.

The other day I met up with a friend of mine. After the interview, and we went for drinks. I was venting a lot, but I had more fun and was happier than I had been in a long time. I’ve been feeling less drained, too, and to be honest I feel bad about that. I feel bad about being happy and I feel bad about not feeling drained, and I don’t know why. Well, I do know why; it’s pretty obvious, but I keep on going. I keep on trying to get done what I can get done, and I need to keep working on myself, and I will. But I’m trying to not be as I was about it last time. That’s my hope. I want to avoid that, and I think I can, but we’ll see.

But today I don’t care so much.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:33:78

Quick write and it’s okay, but there was some serious stretching in places.

Written at work.