So yesterday I did the thing I set out to do. Almost made it to ten, which was the original idea, but I got to nine, thought about doing this after, but then decided rest was more important. I’m not sure how I feel about the whole thing, or rather, I’m not sure of my certainty of it, if that makes sense, but I certainly don’t regret the effort I put in. I don’t regret the writing I did, and I don’t regret what I posted, or published, or whatever we’re referring to it as these days.

The stuff was more spaced out than I had initially hoped, and maybe that’s why I was able to succeed. However, in doing so, I spent a lot of time not doing other things, and it’s reinforced something that I’ll touch on in a few days. It’s possible I succeeded due to having energy to do so. That’s definitely a consideration I need to keep in mind.

I think the biggest issue I had is that I am still very drained in terms of creativity. I’m still struggling with trying to get a job and trying to survive and not be homeless, and that is taking up far more time than I would like. It’s creating conflict in a space where I need more harmony, but I’m still going and if I am still going, then I can still write and do all that I need to do. But soon there will be a break of sorts, and a shifting in priorities.

As I’m writing this now, I realise that I have a lot of ideas that I want to put forward, but they seem to go out the window when I try and then it’s more struggling. It’s more writing about nothing, and I still churn that out, and I have to wonder as to why I keep doing that. It can’t just be because I feel compelled to write. It can’t just be that. Maybe it’s habit. Habit can be good and habit can be bad, and in a way this is bad. I cover a number of different things here too; it’s not like I’m starved for variability, so I can always pivot if necessary, but I don’t do that often enough, I think.

There’s a lot of stuff to think about, and having done what I did yesterday; having put out nine things, I’m left thinking about the result and trying to confirm what I learned. It probably wasn’t worth it, but I can get behind it and that’s the main thing, really. On a personal level it was definitely worth it as I was able to clear some things, and that leaves me with some small comfort and happiness. But for now, I’m going to try and push out a bit more again. Try and keep going and see if I can keep up some momentum.

At least, for today, that is. Tomorrow I’ll go back to laziness.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:48:65

Some stretching and reaching here, but I think this bit works, or rather, it shows potential.

Written at work.