So I was writing this thing about something. I don’t know what it was about, but I decided to scrap it, because I knew where it was going and I don’t want to keep putting stress out there. My life has been consumed for the time being, but I want to try and write something that isn’t about how potentially fucked I am. I’d rather write something that puts a smile on someone’s face than I would about my situation, because I’m tired of writing about my situation. I’m tired of doing this constant outpouring of pain and pressure. I know it’s what is dictating my life at the moment but I really don’t want to keep churning that stuff out.

Of course I’ll probably churn some more of it out soon enough, but right now I want to try and think of some beauty in the world. I want to think of something good. I want to look beyond the miserable weather outside, and I want to hear birdsong again. I hear it at my place, sure, but right now I want to hear it. I want to embrace the pleasantness of it.

I also want to be held, but you know.

But today is a good day because it’s a day in which I can do something and keep going, and if I can keep going I can keep applying for jobs, and if I can keep applying for jobs I can keep looking for some form of success. I can get to the top of the mountain because I have the ability to do so, and perhaps also the desire.

I want to be around people I want to be around, and I want to go back to having fun and enjoying life, or rather, trying to get back to a place where I was trying to enjoy life. I want to express the wonder of what isn’t urbanised, and I want to sit back and relax and not feel like I’m wasting time. Just want to keep on going.

I want to do these things. I want to talk about the sound of voice and the sound of water, and its motion and how it seems limitless, and I want to talk about how it’s good to be bad at things sometimes. I want to, and I want to express some positivity, but right now I can’t, because I have less than two weeks before I’m homeless.

The job hunt has been tough and it continues to be tough. I have to keep on trying and applying. I have to keep on chipping away, and keep on pushing, but nothing’s happening. Still, so long as I continue, something should happen eventually, but who knows when eventually will be.

I don’t want to be putting out this stressed writing, but it dominates, and I can’t force myself to write in a way that my situation won’t allow. But I do want to be putting out more positivity.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:47:34

Decent speed. Ended up wandering right into what I didn’t want to, and that’s the way it do go be do sometimes.

Written at work.