In sharing what I shared yesterday, I have to be honest: I feel some relief and relaxation. Right now I have concerns that I’ll renege. I don’t think that would be a good idea at this stage, however. Just want to get through it all and get to the end, and try and celebrate each day. Try not to make it too sad. But there is relief.

So I’m sitting here, and I’m still feeling like shit, but the announcement has provided some relief. It’s nice to know that, officially, the end is coming. It’s nice to know that I have it coming on a specific date, too. I’ve a lot of work to do on Stupidity Hole between now and then, but I’m going to get it all done.

A lot of comments I intend to respond to, and a lot of cleaning up, too. Let this place slide a little too much in places, but I’ve worked out how much I can take care of each day. If I can keep taking care of things, I can get everything to where it needs to be by the time it all ends.

In a sense what is to come is highly daunting. I fear I may have not done enough preparation work, but I’m going to get it all done. A lot of my life has been failing and surviving, so at the very least I can get everything here done. I can consider that a resounding success. I just need to actually do everything I intend to do, and I can, but I need to stay focused and I need to actually get it all done. Should be starting today, so long as I have the time as there are other things I need to deal with, but it’s all looking good… I hope.

Of course if there is the ability to take action, then hope must be realised with action, and so that’s what I plan to do. I plan to charge through it all and get to where I want to be. I plan to re-reail this blog, though I’m not sure what that will look like as it’s become something so very different to what it was when it started. But there’s time to work that out. Or maybe there isn’t. Maybe there isn’t time to do so, because it could take a while, and I’m fine with that.

This morning feels alright. It feels good to know that I’ll be shedding this weight. I’m still a bit scared. I’m still worried, but knowing that I’m giving myself the time to wind down and let go, and knowing that I’ll have more time after all is said and done… yeah. I’m looking forward to it.

I’m also looking forward to having less stress and feeling less pressure that, admittedly, I’m putting on myself. But until that end, hopefully a lot of joy. Probably a lot of sadness and stress, and hopefully something everyone can enjoy.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:27:66

Really, this didn’t need to be as many words as it is, but it is and I’m fine with that right now. Maybe not later, however, but right now I am.

Written at home.