This morning I walked almost eight kilometres to save a bit of money on parking. Well, also to avoid dealing with city traffic, but you know. Since then, it’s been a bit of a dead day. Going to try and do a few hours of packing soon, get some things sorted and cleaned up, and then get back to relaxing.

I’m listening to some easy music and tomorrow feels like it’ll be okay. I’m feeling pretty relaxed, actually, but I am still sad. Although I’d be happy to not see my ex again, I do also miss her. I look forward to that passing when it does. But right now there is a little bit of that sadness.

Things change over time, and you can’t expect everyone to remain in your life, and sometimes those changes hurt a lot. It’s probably due to now being able to relax a little that the hurt is coming through a bit more, looking as to which parts it can fill out, those sort of things. But it will pass.

I can take it easy for the moment, at least. I can deal with this, and get on with my days, and then go from there. That’s something to look forward to, I guess. Would rather let the hurt happen anyway. No point in trying to suppress it. That’s always a bad idea. Unhealthy way to deal with things.

I’m thinking about what’s happened over the past eight years, and I know that some of it has been missed opportunity, I think that perhaps I should have pushed harder in some places and definitely less so in others. I wonder if I’d feel I’ve wasted time in places had I done so. I’m being pretty vague here, mainly because I don’t want to touch much on the specifics, but I do wonder.

So now I sit here and it’s moving to evening, and I’m wondering about what will happen from here. I’m wondering as to where life will go. Tomorrow is a new day, and so is the day after. I need to clean myself up a bit. Not sure if I will, but I do need to. But that’s a problem for later. For now, I can just enjoy the afternoon before I get into the swing of doing things.

It’s nice to be able to relax right now, at least, because I know that tomorrow will be better than many of my recent days.

It has been a difficult few months and the clouds are yet to fully clear, but things are becoming clearer. This is good. This is some relief. I don’t need all the answers to everything now at this particular instant, and I don’t need all success at the same time either. I just need to keep my head down, stick to my plan, keep on going forward. It’ll take time as it always does, but I will get there. I’ll be okay at the end of this all.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:12:80

This feels tempered in a way that I appreciate. It doesn’t feel as framed by pain as a lot of recent writing.

Written at home.