I get to work from home today, and that’s nice. The day is mostly just learning and going over notes I’ve taken, and that too is nice. But time is ticking away, and I’m going to miss this place. I don’t want to, but I will. That’s how it is, I guess.

I’m certainly not going to miss the noisy neighbours. I won’t miss the large amounts of dust. I will miss the location. I will miss having the space that I have. But I need to survive. That’s more important than having space to be as I see fit.

It’s a wet and miserable day, and the place feels empty and it is. I’m a little sad, but I’m a little feeling nothing also. I’m feeling like change is at hand, likely because it is. I don’t get that much say in that, and so it is and so it will be. Such is life. What else is new?

One day I’ll be able to sit comfortably, and I have a plan in place. Need to stick to the plan to get there, and I’m not sure if I can, but I will try to make sure. I cannot be in this position again as it’s too much to handle.

But I’m sitting here and the weather is miserable, but it’s not too bad inside. It’s kind of cold and it’s lonely, but it’s not bad. It’s still home but it won’t be for much longer, and it’ll take a while to decompress, but right now it’s home and it’s where I want to be. I can get through a few more days of being here, cleaning and packing things. Not sure if my ex will be here, but I will be. I don’t have much of a choice, really. Need to make sure the bond is returned. Need to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. Can I guarantee that? Not sure. But I can certainly try, and trying is what I’m going to do.

It has been a long eight years, but also a short eight years. I don’t necessarily regret the relationship, and I don’t regret tolerating some of the things I tolerated. It was worth it. I do regret not working hard enough on preventing the issues that I contributed to the relationship.

It was a relationship worth having – that’s how I see it – but I do wonder if I should’ve ended it myself early on, when there were cracks. I don’t know right now, and I do miss my ex, but I don’t miss her as much as perhaps I feel I should, but that’s okay. Sometimes it’s the way things go. It’s also not overly important. What is is focusing on getting into a better position in life. That’s something I can do and something I can keep building upon, and maybe I’ll just come out ahead at the end of it all. Maybe I’ll start seeing more success come my way.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:14:42

Bit fast, bit slow. Feels neutral and scattered. Not sure if it is; it’s just how it feels.

Written at home.