Tomorrow I’ll be playing my first gig in almost six-and-a-half years. It has been far too long for my liking. Tomorrow it happens and I’ll go in, do my thing and then head off. Well, not head off, but leave the stage. We’ll see how it all goes. We’ll see what happens. How it happens. And all that.

Have I practised enough? No. Has Fe practised enough? No. There has been a lot of stuff going on, and so it goes, and so on and so forth. How it all happens. But we went in and we’re rusty and we’ll be rusty tomorrow, but we’ll get through it. We’ve been through worse.

I’m listening to one of the songs we’ll be playing tomorrow right now. I’m listening to it, trying to work out if I’ve got it all correct. Not sure if I do, but I might. Might do. Do might. I know we can play it and we’re both pretty familiar with it. It’s something we’ve played for years, though I do wish we were more rehearsed.

I don’t know if this is going to be one time or if it’ll lead to more. I hope it leads to more, but I don’t know. I never know. You never know with these things. I’m getting up in years and I’m not a young person anymore. But I’m sure that with enough rehearsing and practise, I could smoke anyone under the table. I could show them all how it’s done, and I know I could do that with Fe, and we’d be unstoppable. We wouldn’t go far, but we’d be legendary.

Probably not.

I just want to put on a good show, and I’m gonna try my best. No idea if I can, no idea if I will, but definitely going to try. Going to do my best. I want to feel music flowing, and I want to be in that moment. That moment where nothing matters and everything matters, and I am truly free. I am released and moving everywhere, and all is still and unmoving, and I am so firmly in the moment, but I am everywhere and nowhere all at once. I want to feel that sense of being alive again, and I want to flow freely. I want to feel music as it passes from my hands into the instrument, and from there though to the head, the cab and out as sound. Out as something tangible with a physical presence that is not seen, but felt.

I want to touch people again, and I don’t necessarily seek their adulation, but I seek to bring something to them, and I seek to have them feel something, to experience even a little bit of what I feel when I play.

But I also just want to put on a good show, and I hope that tomorrow I do. I hope that tomorrow I give the audience that good show, and I hope it’s one of many more.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:56:26

I wanted to get my thoughts about tomorrow down, and I did, and I wandered a little but it all feels relevant.

Written at home.