Drone metal, or drone doom (which is the term I prefer), can often make for good music whilst writing. In this case it’s a bunch of Nadja’s stuff (and at this particular moment, one song as it do be a long song), and it’s great. I have no idea what is going on as it’s a song I haven’t heard before now, but it’s nice and it’s pleasant… and I have no idea as to what I should write. And that’s okay. It’s okay to not know.

Maybe I’ve covered this before. I don’t know, and to be honest, I don’t care right now. I haven’t been able to “write” for a good while now, and I think it is finally coming back to me. I think I’ll be able to edit tonight. I hope I’ll be able to edit tonight, but I won’t know until I give it a go… so hopefully in a few days I’ll have something published. I don’t know. But I might just give it a go.

Sometimes it can be good to not know about what to write. Sometimes it can be good to not feel able to, but the times that that can be good are pretty specific. Pretty narrow times. Incredibly specific, I think, as a warning can be misunderstood as a sign to push on. But you know.

So I’m sitting here. I’m… happy. I am actually happy, and I’m in this room and I don’t care that there are people behind me. I feel okay with it. I feel relaxed. Might not later, but right now I don’t care. Right now I have a view that’s not the greatest, but it doesn’t matter because I feel happy and relaxed, and I think I will be able to write again. I think it’s coming back to me now. Maybe it isn’t; maybe I’m just gassy. But I think it is, and I hope it is because I miss it. I don’t, but I do, and I think I’m missing it more than I’m not, and there’s only one way to find out, really. Just gotta go look at my work and see where it takes me.

See this feels like the point where I should end this bit of writing, but this song has reached a climax of sorts and it urges me to continue. Still has a good chunk of time to go, so this probably isn’t the climax. This probably isn’t the peak. There’s more to come, and who knows where it will lead. Who knows where it will go. I don’t, and that should be a sign. That should be a sign to explore and look and find where it all leads. Get back on the path and follow it through the brambles and thickets, and keep going through everything until it becomes clear again, unless it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter right now.

What matters is that I get up and follow it, and hopefully start writing again.

the time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:32:55

Rough, light, surface. Honest. And so on. I do like this one a lot as it captures quite strongly how I am feeling at the moment. It’s not good writing, but I don’t care right now.

Written at work.