Once again I find myself at Duoly Rob, drawn like a magnet. I could’ve made food to take for breakfast, but apparently I decided not to, for no good reason. But that’s what happens sometimes, most of the time.

Sitting here, blah blah blah. But I am sitting here and I’m writing, and I’ve just finished a rough draft of the thing I was meant to start editing (which I did). But now it’s ready for trimming and cutting down and rearranging, because I hadn’t written much about the work I was writing about, but now I have. And now I need to start working it into something readable. Something far less messy and sloppy. I don’t want it to be the most concise bit of writing out there, but I do want it to be readable without hurting the reader.

I’ve done this and this morning I was taking photos. It’s a bit of a grim day, but it’s also a pleasant day. The day is running in cycles and circles, and that’s nice. Or rather, it will be. There might be rain and there will be wind, and I’m sitting here, writing this out and I feel good. I feel good and today is gonna be just another day. It’ll be just another day in a series of days, but I’m gonna take it for what it is and I’m gonna do my best to enjoy and learn.

And now I don’t know what there is to say. I’ve been really tired over the past few weeks, but I’ve been having a good time. Things feel like they are getting better. I am optimistic, but I’m cautious, and specifically in that order. I’m anxious about where things go and how I should and should not feel, but I’m happy. For the first time in a really long time, I feel happy without any hangups. I think the last time I felt this way was last year, early on. I’m not sure. But it doesn’t matter.

But I’m working on my writing again and I’m doing photography again and not feeling like I need to force it. I’m practising bass and doing it without having to force myself, and I’m getting that itch to sit down and write more music. I want to draw more. I want to do the things that I’ve enjoyed so many times in my life, and I want to do them more. It feels like many years of lack of desire, or at least waning, and I think the timing of my seeing someone and these coming back to me is not coincidental. I’m hoping I’m not relying on someone else to drive my desire to create, and if I am I need to work out how to let myself drive my own desire.

I don’t want to write the way I’m writing this, but this is what is coming forward. But it’s a good time, and I’m looking forward to what comes next.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:46:31

Bit of crap writing, but it was worth writing to me.

Written at Dirty Red.