Last week on… Friday?

Friday.

Last week on Friday I was heading off to yoga. Things have been okay. Things have been going well. Getting better, in a way. Decided to spin “The Scientist” though. Don’t know why, but it seemed appropriate, somehow.

So I’m walking through Newtown and it’s Halloween, and people are out and enjoying themselves. People are having a good time, or at least heading to somewhere they plan on having a good time at, and I’m walking at a brisk pace as I want to get to class on time, and I’m starting to feel a bit sad. I’m starting to feel a bit lonely, and I’m letting myself feel this way. I’m still grieving, I guess. Even though I gain distance from my ex and realise how unhealthy the relationship was for me, and even though I am seeing someone new and my heart’s aflutter with the joy and romance of it all, I still felt it digging into me.

I’m walking and I’m feeling not great. I’m feeling it, but I’m also feeling neutral, but the heart is being tugged and I am not feeling able to resist, and I’m dipping my toes into that world. Not going for a full dive, mind you; just a little testing and deciding it’s not for me. But I’m getting the grieving buzz, and it’s a thin layer of fur I can’t shake.

Get to yoga, do it, good session. Tough session due to lack of sleep. But good. And I head on back to where I parked, and I think it had started raining at this point. It had rained whilst I was in the class, and it was still raining a little at this point. But I’m walking back to where I’ve parked and it’s a little rain, but not enough to have the umbrella out the whole time, and more people are out and merry and having a good time and I’m still getting that buzz, but it’s faded a little, and once again I’m thinking “Fuck you, Chris Martin” as I’m walking on back to head on home.

Eventually I’m back at USYD, heading into The Business School so I can head to the car park. As I’m entering the building I pass three students having a smoke, and I feel like asking them for one, just to get some slight satisfaction from the moment, even if I’ll regret it later. I could’ve told them to smoke a little further away from the entryway, just so there’s less risk of them getting into shit for it, but I don’t. I just walk on by.

I’m in the building and I’m still listening to “The Scientist”, and I’ve listened to it too much, but it’s still hitting. But it doesn’t matter anymore, and so I head to my car. I unlock it and start it, and I think a little about the route I’m going to take to get home. Then I drive off.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:54:00

Could’ve been better. This didn’t need to be as long as it is.

Written at work.