Today is going to be an interesting day. It’s going to be the first time I’ve been at UNSW for a while. I was there… at the start of last year? The year prior? For photo stuff, but it’ll be the first time I’ve been back in a while. I have mixed feelings.

Actually, I don’t. I don’t know if I have feelings about it at all. I’m there for some gathering of the administrators, and it’ll be interesting. It’ll be interesting to see how it all goes, and it’ll be interesting to be talked at for a good long while. Or not. Who is to say?

Why am I writing this? What am I writing at the moment? Why won’t my hands move faster? When I find myself at Duoly Rob, I am inclined to relax, but right now I don’t want to relax; I want to race across the board of keys. I want to race out of the city. I want to race into an open space. A space where the stars are visible at night, and where the sense of nature feels endless. I want to be elsewhere and everywhere, and nowhere and everything and nothing all at once, and I want to drive into wherever and whatever may come my way. I want to move and I want to move freely, and I feel I cannot. At lest, not right now.

I do know, however, that I am getting paid to not be at work today, and that’s good. That’s something to look forward to… maybe.

So I desire a sense of freedom I am currently lacking. What’s new. What’s different? Maybe this comfort is leaving me with some discomfort. I don’t know. I am yet to know. Maybe I’ll never know, and does it matter? Does it matter what it is that I feel I may need to work out? Does it matter that I’m sitting here, relaxing, trying to get a bunch of words down? Does it matter that I’ve so much ahead to get through before I can really relax? I don’t know, and I don’t care to know, I think. Maybe. It’s all uncertainty.

But if I did have my way with things, I certainly would let loose and soar… over the road. I’d drive and drive, and I’d not return for a while. I’d spend my time thinking and trying to work out where things went wrong and why things are now going right, and I’d make sure that each day I’d have I’d spend thinking and driving, and working things out, and going form there. And I’d go and come back changed… or not changed at all. Maybe I’d come back relieved and the desire to move would have left me, and I’d sit and finally rest. I’d rest and take it easy, and think more. I’d walk along a bay, and look at what I see around me, and wonder how it was that I was able to get so far in life, and I’d think about structure and shape, and eventually I’d head on home and rest some more. Until then, however, I’ve got to be at UNSW, and a bunch of other work days to attend to.