Will today be the churn day that I thought yesterday would be? I doubt it, but there’s only one way to find out, really. I can only find out by… churning.

I will churn. I will churn like I’ve churned before. I will see what doesn’t come forward and I will feel myself drained by the end of it all. I will wait for one of my housemates to finish their forty-minute shower, then when the water bill comes in, blame how high it is on something else instead of his quite regularly having these long odysseys. Because the ownership of responsibility comes in short supply, I suppose.

That’s a bit biting and a bit mean, but I’m quite tired of the kind of wastefulness people exhibit, then express surprise when the results of that come back. I’m a bit burned out and I’m quite tired, and I’m over this kind of silliness. I’m over people just refusing to understand the kind of damage they do, and then refusing to take accountability. Especially over people claiming they are accountable for their actions before leaving someone else to handle anything that’s the result of what they’ve done. Fun times.

Not bitter about things at all. Not at all. Not at all.

Anyway.

So I’m trying to churn and write and I’m trying to find where all the pieces fit, and I’m trying to not pick them up anymore. I’m trying to get on with my life and I’m all sorts of tired, which also means I’m rather weak in my resisting sugar but I’m yet to yield at this particular juncture in time. That’s a good thing. I think. I don’t know.

But I’m trying to churn and I’m trying to repeat and I’m trying to take up as many words and as much space as I can, and I realise that I’m writing slower than I’d like. I’m also realising that there are other things I need to be doing right now and I am not doing them and that’s not good, but that’s what it is at the moment. But I’ll get to them soon enough, but just not now. Later, in another world. In another life, though that’ll be soon enough. Or it won’t, because things are yet to be decided, even though they are decided, or not decided.

I’m just dragging this out now.

So, somewhere around one hundred words left before I move onto the next thing and I think I mainly wanted to talk about being lazy which is not what I’ve done much of. Such is everything and such is life, and I’ll just keep on going with the laziness. I can’t stop now. Won’t stop. Never stop; just keep on going into it and drive further and maybe, somehow I’ll get the sleep I so desperately desire to experience, and… where am I going with this?

So in conclusion, I think there’s some things I need to do before I don’t do them.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:51:47

Could’ve been much, much better. Didn’t end up churning that day. Still a bit behind.

Written at home.