The holiday now comes to an end and so there’s a need to get back to work… and a need for me to get back to working, I suppose. Was the break long enough? Never is. Do I feel refreshed? No. But also, yes? I feel okay. I feel alright. Could be better. Could be worse. That said, my feeling the way I’m currently feeling is more to do with lack of sleep. As is the way it always seems to go, or something. Nonsense stuff and all that. Nonsense stuff and nonsense writing.

But the break is over and, for some reason, I feel more motivated to write now. Perhaps it was due to having much more time on my hands, or just really needing rest. Needing that decompression. Of course I want more, because I’m not just decompressing from a year of work, but from years of pressure and relentlessness. But you don’t get it all and this could be far worse. I’m still alive and functional, or at least passing for functional. I have my coffee. I have a roof. I have comfort. I still need a longer rest, however.

Anyway, the work year starts today for me. Today I return to the “mines”, and today I get through however much work there is for me to get through. I’m tempted to start early, but that wouldn’t be good. Need to maximise what time I do have and I need to take advantage of what time I don’t have. Need to prepare and be ready and look good and all of those things. Whatever those other things are, those too. Get on top of it all, get on top of everything. climb the pile, collapse, fall apart, and so on and so forth and you get the idea.

Today might also be the day where I finally, FINALLY get something done that I’ve been aiming to do for a while. I wonder if I can (and I can), and I wonder if I will. There are so many things to consider and get done, and getting them done is what I’ll be doing. Maybe. But this one particular thing is one thing that I want to get done and I’ll keep on trying, even if that means I have to force myself into action. I hope I can force myself into action. I hope I can get motivated enough. I don’t know if I can, but I will keep trying. I need to keep trying. Well, I don’t, but I will.

I’m talking in a vague manner and it’s not helpful at all, but I don’t want to reveal the thing in case I say it and then don’t do it. I feel it’s better not to say the thing if I want to do it, as there’s less pressure on me to get it done if I don’t. I’m trying to keep pressure down and so, so long as I do, I might just do it.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:17:30

I was a little stuck on few thoughts, and that isn’t good. Thinking more about trying to cover a thing rather than just writing.

Written at home.