I’m in one of those states where many, many thoughts are coming at me in quick succession. Cycling through them, moving away. They are as though vignettes that are refusing to formulate beyond their brief glimpses. They are complete, but they need time to be absorbed, and they are gone before that happens.

It is a tough way to have things flowing through the brain at the moment. Would rather some steadiness, but that’s not going to happen so I need to ride it out, or I don’t, but I rather I feel I need to. Probably because I feel I have no choice. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what my brain is doing this morning. I do know that I need to use the bathroom, but that doesn’t help with the current predicament. Or maybe it does…

Thoughts flow on and they go to wherever they go. I don’t know where. Probably back to underneath the surface. Somewhere underneath, buried, chopped up, disassembled, rearranged, turned into something new, and then brought back to the surface only ti disappear again before they can be fully grasped. Before they can be used in a way that helps things be understood, or created, or whatever. Many things, no things, everything things.

They change and rearrange, and there are glimpses of what once was in there, but it has happened so many times that the familiarity remains unrecognisable. It is reconstituted elements, or rather, a series of them, broken down, reconstituted, reformulated, recreated, old becoming new… you get the idea.

So all these thoughts moving in and out, poking and prodding and dashing away, disappearing, coming back in new forms, unfamiliar, still familiar, moving, moving, always moving, and moving in a way that eludes normal capturing. It’s a fun time to be alive and a time where I need sleep, and everything feels a bit more than it should but I’ll get through it. I always do. I always survive. Somehow, I always survive.

I’m wondering what these thoughts are trying to get across and why I’m having more difficulty than usual with them. Well, usually I’m pretty good at following my thoughts and letting them happen and following them, but today I’m not and I do think it has a lot to do with fatigue. I think it does; I’m not entirely sure. Really, there’s so many reasons that could explain why, but I don’t want to go digging into that all as there’s so many other things I need to do. So many other things I need to catch up on and get out of the way, and rest also needed. A lot of rest. So much rest. All of the rest.

But these thoughts, they keep coming at me and they keep throwing themselves at me, and I can only experience them right now. I can’t hold onto them and take them somewhere, and I think what I actually should do is unwind.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:16:01

Good speed. Not sure how I feel about what I’ve written. It covers how I was feeling well enough, but I don’t know if it makes for acceptable reading.

Written at home.