Alright, so I’m going to try and write as fast as I can and I’m going to try and break some sort of nonsense barrier that only I can break as I am setting all of the rules and no one can stop me from doing so. This needs to be done in order to prove the justice that I provide is true and far greater than any justice that anyone else provides. I need to do this in order to do this, and in order to do this I need to do this.

I wonder if I am full of shit, sometimes. I guess I am. But anyway.

I should probably try and use more complex words more often, just in general. I sometimes worry that I am limiting my vocabulary, but sometimes the vocabulary worries about me. That is not a good way to be. It should be the other way around, but it’s not and all I am doing is causing no end to the silliness. I don’t know how or why I stop this, but if I do stop this, then am I even me anymore? I don’t know. All sots of questions to ask and all sorts of questioning to do. That is the way that these things go, I suppose.

So I guess, in order to become a better me, I need to destroy me by using longer and more complex words, and forming sentences that go on needlessly long. Words with lots of syllables and complexities, and use them in a way that doesn’t make sense. Incorrect usage. How piquant an idea that is! How fancy and full of folly, and only I can do it… only there are others.

Therefore, in order to destroy me, I need to destroy others. I need to be the sole holder of this ability, and I need to make sure others don’t get to it first. Therefore, I will set up a situation so ridiculous and so absurd that everyone else will give up. Is this destruction? Yes! But it’s a destruction of a nonviolent manner and we don’t like to get violent here. Or there. Can’t comment on others, but we don’t.

I don’t know who the others are that would form the “we”, but just go with me on this one.

So anyway, this situation would be so intensely ridiculous that people would look at it and go “That’s ridiculous. And intense. How intensely ridiculous” and I could be happy with that. I could be happy with the end result of that, as that would provide me with something to believe in.

If I have something to believe in, then I have purpose. I have drive. I have something that pushes me along to achieve great greatness, as opposed to greatness that isn’t great. Quite frankly, that’d be great and I really would like some greatness. It’d be great. But that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is getting across the divide in order to find the self in order to destroy myself and the self so that I can… I can’t remember where I was going with all of this, if I was indeed going anywhere at all.

So I don’t know where to go or how to say, but I do know that in sifting through all the crap, the diamond might reveal itself and then the point of everything will be revealed and I’ll go to that point. I’ll go to the point and I’ll pint at it and then I’ll be pointing at a point, and maybe in my other hand I’ll be holding a pointer so I can then be pointing even more. There will be no point to this, but what it will achieve is something. It will be of scene and of scene you can then see something, and maybe it will be frozen in time in the form of a photograph. And then it will gain meaning through people trying to work out what the point of it was.

Through history it will change and it will gain resonance and through resonance it will become an important moment, and the narrative will change. No one will realise (or maybe some will) that it was a pointless exercise, and that will be lost to time and the action is reborn and reframed in new contexts that didn’t exist when the idea was thought of, and then that will change the shape and history of me and who I was. My identity will be lost to the sea of time and fog of ages, and I will become someone else. I will continue to live but I will be lost, and there’s nothing I can do about that, so therefore there is nothing I will do about that. Well, I’ll be gone anyway so it wouldn’t matter.

So then what can I do about all of this? I think I need to start using longer, more complex words in my writing. Then I can write a thing about the thing before it is done, and therefore I will be destroyed, but reborn as myself exactly as I am, but speaking in a way that people are more likely to either bounce off of or be more receptive to. It is difficult to tell at this particular juncture in time, and to be honest it doesn’t matter at all. What does matter, however, is the way that things are put forward, so that they can be pointed to in order to show change and growth and the strengthening of character, and if that can be done, then who am I to say that it cannot be done? Who am I to say that nothing matters, or everything matters? I don’t know, and I don’t care to know. What I do care about, however, is finding something that I can point to and then walk away from, but only so long as it offers incredibly tiring and horribly weak arguments.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 11:00:48

This one was done as I wanted to get some writing of this length done in under ten minutes. Didn’t quite pan out that way, but it was still fun doing this writing.

Written at work.