What a day. Where it goes, I don’t know. Where I go, I don’t know. I know I don’t know, but do I know that I know that I don’t know? I do know.

Anyway, I’m wrecked. Slept well, absolutely tired. More tired than I am less tired. The balance is not there. Everything is out of whack. What do from here? Where go? I could get off this seat, but I am comfortable. Do I want to ruin that comfort? The answer is, unsurprisingly, I don’t know.

This is not worth thinking about. This is not worth pondering. This is so not worth everything so hard that I’m not even gonna bother, and you need to know that because all that you aren’t. Neither am I, and it’s a wonderful way to be. However, say that, perhaps, this is not the case and thus I have to ruin comfort due to some sort of convoluted and weak explanation. What do I do then? Well, the answer is, surprisingly, a surprising one. However, it is yet to be determined.

The answer is so yet to be determined that I cannot justify trying to determine it now, for it is a waste of everyone’s time. You see, as everything transcends the silliness that I am putting forward, the world will collapse in on itself if I try to do things too soon, and if I don’t do them soon enough, then I don’t know which way everything will flow. Therefore, I need to keep on writing and distracting so as to buy time before an answer can be divined from the divining bundt cake of… yeah. The divining bundt cake of yeah. That’s what we’ll go with.

What has my life become?

So anyway, I think that there is plenty of time for pondering from this position of comfort. I need to keep on pondering and pretending that I know what I am doing. Am I to not, then the fruits of my labour will never be considered piquant to the mind, and that’s not something I’m willing to say no to. Therefore, I will keep crapping on about whatever and I will crap on about nothing whenever. However, once the answer is ready; once all is ready to be revealed, only then will I stop and allow it to be determined. At that juncture in time, everything will be as it should be and I will be ready to do the thing and then once the thing is done, I guess I’ll go back to being comfortable.

What if that never returns? What if going through all this rambling senselessness ends up creating a situation where I can never return to what was? What then do I do? I know not. It is too early in life to know, and if I don’t know that, then surely… something… else will happen. Or it won’t. Who knows. Who cares.

Well, I guess I care, or rather, I should care. There is a lot of care that I should care, really. I should care about the preparation, but I can only prepare so much, for I also need to distract. I also need to make sure that I am looking after myself, and all of these things take time. They take time and they create issues and complications and I don’t like that. I don’t like having to deal with the complications of my machinations, but I don’t have the kind of money that would allow me to hire someone to just deal with those for me, and so therefore I need to do it myself.

Maybe I can just clone myself or something. Spawn my clone and then the problem is solved. But maybe I’d need another clone…

How many clones am I going to need at the end of all of this? How many clones will I need to create in order to ensure that the work is not overloading me? I think three, at most. Maybe a fourth so as to make sure that the announcement of the determining is done with a bit of energy, but I’m sure my clones will lack the energy I also lack. It is possible that the energy I have will then be shared with the others and therefore, maybe it’d just be easier for me to not go down that path. Besides which, I’m not a cloneologist. I am not well versed in the art of cloneology. It could take far more time than I’d like, and so therefore maybe it’s just better that I get on with trying to deal with the things one at a time.

I don’t even know what it is that I’m trying to do anymore. I’ve written myself into a hole and I am desperately trying to get out. The hole is too big, however, and so if someone throws me a rope or ladder, or flies a helicopter down and then lifts me out and takes me to breakfast, that’d be great. That’d be fantastic.

Could have a nice conversation over a good cuppa. Really indulge myself whilst talking about how I got to where I was, and hopefully not bore the other person. Hopefully make sure that they are invested in my story. They will hear of how I got to where I did, but they won’t know why and neither will I, for that would have been lost in the winds of time. Forgotten, blown away, forever lost and never found. And that is the way that these things should go sometimes, because it’s rarely about the destination and more about the journey, unless the destination is somewhere important that you need to go to. If you need to go somewhere important, you want to make sure that the journey is mundane. Unless the destination is really boring. If it is, then who is to say how the journey should be? Could be anything, really. Possibly fantastic. However, that is yet to be determined.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 12:27:66

Really silly bit of writing that doesn’t go much of anywhere, but I do like this kind of writing. Just nonsense.

Written in Killara.