It has been a day. It couldn’t be anything else than a day. And now I commit to doing possibly the worst thing I’ve ever committed to. I am going to churn out more words in more cramped spaces than I ever could. This is a bad idea. This is a really bad idea.

Why cramped spaces? I don’t know; it sounded cool.

But anyway, There’s less than two months to go and I’ve got a lot of getting through things to do in that time. I’ve slowed down far too much over the past year. It has been almost a year since getting dumped and that was a massive block to my getting much of anything done, really. There are quite a few things that I’m not going to be able to get done at this stage and so I’ve made my peace with that as best as I can. However, I can still get some things done and so getting things done is what I’m going to now do.

I can still cram in a lot of crap and I need to, anyway. There are definitely things that I am going to be doing before the end, such as responding to every missed comment that I have intended to respond to. That’s going to take a while but I can get it done. It’ll take a lot of focus and dedication, but it’ll happen. The writing is going to be the big one, however.

I’m not necessarily aiming to get a certain amount of words written at this juncture. What I am aiming to do, however, is get a certain amount of posts written, and that is something that I can do. That is something I can knock out of the park, but that will take a lot of time and effort and those are two things I’m not sure I have a lot of. But I will try. The least I can do about anything is try, really.

So I’m sitting here and I’m, trying to figure out how I go about doing this. I know that in terms of posts there are a lot of things I can clear out now, and if you’ve had a look at today, that’s already happening. Tomorrow might also be full-on in this regard. That’ll keep me going for a while, at least. Beyond that? No idea, but I’m going to try. I’m going to be incredibly drained at the end of it all, but it’ll be worth it. The celebration starts now, or something.

Watch, I’ll last only a few days and then fall back into laziness.

So anyway… yeah. That’s about all I had to say about much of anything. I’ve already been hurting myself today. My wrist is feeling weak and I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this pace, if I am to be honest. But I’m going to try and keep it up because I want to. I feel that, perhaps somewhere in me, I need to try and justify all of this to myself. That Stupidity Hole was worth it, or rather, all the crap that I’ve churned out was worth it. I don’t quite know how my doing all of this writing will do that. I don’t know how draining myself will help there, but I feel it will. Somehow.

I think about the passage of time. I think about last year and all the hurt and pain and misery, and I think about where I am now, and not much has changed, though I am happier and healthier. How long that will last, I don’t know, but I need to take advantage of what I can where I can, however I can, and this bit of health is something I need to hold onto for as long as possible. Maybe it can get better. I don;’t know.

But I think about this, and I think about the next… six weeks? Seven weeks? However long it is, and I’m thinking about what lies ahead and what comes after, and I’m anxious but I’m excited. So long as I can stay healthy through it all, I can get it done. I hope I can get it done. I will get it done.

For now, soon I rest and when I rest I will be doing more writing, because apparently I’m bad at stopping. But right now that’s okay. Today has been a long day and so will tomorrow. Time is not getting shorter for me and so I need to take advantage of what I’ve got. I need to prepare myself and get through everything I need to get through. There is a lot to do, and not much time to do it in, but it can be done and maybe it will be done. Who is to say at this juncture in time.

I think about today as well, and how it was as a work day. Not much happened and a lot happened. It was… boring. That’s the way I want it, however. I don’t want to be attacked with excitement all the time. My job is a vehicle for me to get the things I want to get done, done. Soon it will come to an end and there is hope, but I don’t know what will come forward. I don’t know if anything will come forward. A bit scared there too, so writing far more than necessary will probably help distract me for the next few weeks. Don’t know. Will have to see. Will have to find out. Only one way to find out, too, and that’s by distracting myself.

Well, I think I’ve said just about everything that I can say right now. I need to go make myself something to eat. I need to rest. I won’t rest, but I need to. And I need to listen to something that’s easy for me to listen to. Or not. I just need to keep living, really.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 11:07:54

Good speed, I think. A lot of stretching things out, but good speed.

Written at home.