This weather is strange. It is odd. It is creating a lot of pressure. The pressure it creates is in the form of temperature, and let me tell you, that temperature is… something.

Think I’m ending this space at just the right time.

So anyway, it’s more odd weather. Gloomy weather over a gloomy day. Spread thick, spreading across, and I’m still on the job hunt. More job rejections. More cycling through applications. All of that fun stuff and it never seems to end, so I just keep looking. I keep on searching and hoping I avoid unemployment. Hoping I dodge it once more. Incredibly tiring stuff, but you keep going. Or rather, I keep going in this instance, but you keep going. You just have to keep on pushing on and trying your best, and so do I. But it is tiring. Stressful, draining, tiring and it just keeps on going.

This is not something I want to contend with right now. It is something I have to contend with, however, so I keep on going. I keep ploughing through.

Nearly twelve months since the cessation of a long-term relationship, and one I’m glad to be free of, but it’s all lining up well.  The last day of this contract is the anniversary. I do find it funny, in that way that timing can be, and that’s at least a bit of reprieve in a concrete pressure cooker.

So everything feels like its pressing more and more and I’ve a little smile among it all. Tough times, rough times. Will see what happens. Always will see what happens. Don’t want to be writing this stuff when there’s not much time left, but you know how these things go. But I’d rather be bringing the joy. When the idea of what lies ahead is so shortened; when there’s little that can be seen beyond the next week because of what is going on, though, makes things difficult to be joyous. But you try. Or rather, I try. We all try, and we keep on trying. Not much choice.

It’s a heavy morning and it’ll be a heavy day. Just more routine, more going through the motions of applying and applying and more applying. More sending out letters and going “Yeah, I can do the job quite well, will you give me an interview?”, and making alterations to everything so as to somehow make myself more appealing.

At the very least it’s getting a little lighter outside, so maybe that’s a sign. Maybe that means I’m going to win the lottery or something. I hope it does. I could then get my place and then write forever, and relax. I could relax and sleep and take it easy, and that’d be awesome. That’d be the best. I could get the place I want to get, put a friend up for a while and then disappear. Really think about things. Think about life.

But that’s a dream, and I still need work.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 09:16:94

I slowed down a lot at the end. Tried to think about how to end this and it wasn’t coming to me.

Bit of a miserable writing. Don’t want to be but it’s what’s coming forward.

Written at home.