Alright so I’ve got time to kill, so once more I’m racing against the clock. I’m racing against myself and I’m hoping for the best and expecting the best. At least, this time, I am.

So anyway, there I was, where I am now, but I was there then. Now I am there now, but back then I also was, and therefore there is a continuation of narrative in the grand time of time. It’s all timed well, too, and so I have nothing to offer other than the questions that I have to ask. Well, I don’t have to ask them, but I do ask them anyway.

So there I was, asking questions that I always ask. I came to answers that I always do and in coming to those particular answers at that particular time. I came across something that was profound. I came to realisations. Now I come to the same ones and I realise that they aren’t profound in the slightest. However, they still meant something then and they still mean something now, and it is through the relativity of life lived and experience gained that makes it so, or something along those lines.

It’s all a bunch of nonsense, anyway.

So I wonder as to what to say now. What do you say when you have nothing to say? Where do you go? How do you do? I don’t know. It’s a deep and philosophical day today and I can only spout nonsense things. I have nothing. I am left with nothing. I have tended to my garden and I have harvested it for all that it’s worth, and now I must find somewhere else to go

I can look forever and I will look forever. However, the issue is that, really, I need to be looking internally. I need to see what is on the inside and not the outside. There are so many beautiful views out there, but they offer nothing if I cannot take them in in a way that is meaningful; in a way that actually does mean something and makes me look at what is inside. If I keep looking externally and I keep only looking externally, I won’t be seeing much of anything, really. I won’t be doing much of anything other than running away from that which I need to not run away from, but at least I’ll be getting a good deal of exercise. Getting exercise is good and healthy and all of those other things, and I do need a bit of it at the moment. Hopefully getting a fair bit this weekend, actually.

But anyway, I digress. I also regress in a way. I turn into a bit of a pool of primordial goo and people will step in it and they will express disgust, as is their right. If they don’t, then that too is also their right and, at the end of the day, who am I to tell them that they cannot do the thing that they’d usually do if they were not paying attention, or choosing to do, willingly?

I am one person and I don’t have the right that I have that I think I have. Wow. What a sentence. Anyway, I can only disintegrate further and further until there is nothing of me left. I will not be recognisable. I refuse to be recognisable. I refuse to be anything other than what I am, and the best I can do is be that and nothing else… or is it?

So anyway, I’m sitting here and I’m trying to do the thing. I’m trying to ask myself questions in a way that doesn’t actually lead to my Falling apart and regressing. I do not want to vibrate my atoms away from themselves so hard that I no longer retain the shape or form that I am so intimately associated with. Seems like a bad path to tread, if I am to be honest, and so I’d just rather not. I’d rather be whole. I’d rather be complete and functioning and getting on with the getting on.

I don’t even know what I’ve been writing so far, but I think I’m still going at a good pace, so I’m just gonna continue,

The thinking of the about of the self and what it all means does not mean much to me, even though it does. I have to try and pretend it does as, if I don’t, then who is to say? Who is, indeed? Therefore, I can only return under circumspect circumstances and the way in which I return will involve a way that involves circling the circles in a circular manner.

You know, really, I think I just like words a lot and I think I just like using them in irresponsible ways. I think that sometimes you should be more responsible than irresponsible, but I’ve an irrepressible urge to continually yell at nothing and then pretend that I’m not yelling at nothing. If I don’t do that, then what do I do from here? Where do I go from there? I don’t know. I have questions and there are no answers. I have answers and there are no questions.

And so, with all of this nonsense writing out of the way, I need to check as to how well I am doing against the clock. Not as well as I hoped, but better than I thought.

This might just be the last one of these that I do, to be honest. Probably won’t, but it might. I have so many other, more productive uses of my time and yours that I should do. I just wanted to see if I could still do this, and I think I can. That is, at least, a good thing. Sometimes you feel a bit past your prime, but I’m glad I can keep racing the clock. I’m glad I can beat it, even if it’s just chains of nonsense upon nonsense.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 09:53:61

I was going for speed with this one and I succeeded. It wasn’t worth the effort, but what is, is.

Written at work.