Stress. Stress creeps in and rears its ugly head. I’m in this kitchen area on my own once more and it’s fine, but I’m dealing with drama at the same time, and I’m done. I just want out. Not work drama, thankfully, but a constant pressing down and trying to defuse people who are, quite clearly, overwhelmed with everything in their lives. And I’m handling it as best as I can, but it’s a new thing repeatedly and it just becomes too much, and I need a break. And sure, I can tell them that I need a break, but in this instance I can’t. I have to tread carefully.

But I’m done. I’m done and I want to escape from it all. I want to run. I want to pack my things and step outside and start walking. I want to walk through the city and all of its visiting people, walk through those crowds of people going somewhere and going nowhere, and walk to wherever. Walk through it all. Walk through the shadows and the shade and into the light where it marks the city. Across the road. And keep walking.

Eventually I’d stop and catch the train, probably, as I’d been walking in the wrong direction. I’d catch the train and go down south to a spot special to me, and I’d keep on walking. I’d keep on walking until I was too tired, and maybe I’d walk through the night to get to where I want to be. And I’d reach the water and I’d strip down and dive in, and be smashed by waves and really enjoy myself and relax and unwind, and just escape from it all. Just take it easy and relax. Those kinds of things. And it’d be good.

Maybe I’d disappear for a while. Become unreachable. Awesome stuff. Easy stuff. Just have myself and be as uncontactable as possible. Come back into people’s lives after a few years. That’d be great. That’d be nice. I’d like that. I probably need it to have time to myself and just breathe a bit, and I could go and see things and explore a while, and gain experiences that aren’t what I was looking for, but still something that I’d be getting. That’d be nice.

For now, I have to keep grinning and bearing it, and trying to help people manage their stress levels. I have to keep on going and have to get through it and hope for the best in some places, but it’s tough. It’s draining and it’s taking it all out of me. Keep on trying to persist, having difficulty. Don’t want to be cutting people out, but I have to say, the outside of it all looks pretty enticing at the moment. But people need help sometimes, and sometimes they need a lot. It’s always worth trying, but there can be a point where you need to step away for your own sake, and I might just have to.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:55:99

I wrote this feeling quite frazzled, and it was between twelve and one in the afternoon, so I was really feeling it at that point. A good bit of uncertainty and other things going on. I wanted to escape from everything. Still do.

Anyway, not the best writing I’ve done. Feel it’s a bit too stressed out.

Written at work.