It’s another day and this building is filling with people, and I need to kill some time. Feels weird not starting at eight in the morning, but today I don’t.

Today I feel old and tired, and perhaps that is because I am tired. I was hoping to feel young and innocent and excited about everything, and this morning I lack colour. I lack excitement. Maybe I need more coffee. I don’t know. I do know I need to stay awake for a while. Oh, the joys.

But I’m back in a familiar building doing familiar things. I’m sitting here and I’m typing away, and I’m hoping for a smooth day. Don’t know if it will be smooth, but I’m hoping. I’m hoping and I’m staying awake, and I’m going to get through it as I would any other day of work, though with less work. Or more work. Yet to find out. Yet to discern.

It will be a day like any other that involves working, and I’ll get through it as I always do. I’ll get through it, I’ll stay awake, I’ll be as pleasant as I can be. I’ll just keep going, and keep going is what I will do. Not much choice but to move forward. Not much choice other than to face the hours with a sense of dignity and respect, and kindness. We should always be kind where we can, and today I am wanting to be kind. I am choosing to be kind.

I can feel myself struggling to be awake already. But it’s almost the afternoon. Less than four hours away. I can feel myself reaching for it. I can feel myself reaching through time so as to pull myself through it all, and pull myself to lunch. I am pushing past all events and past everything that may restrict me. That may hold me back. I am forcing myself through ripples and walls and cascades, and I am slowly reaching forward in order to pull myself through. In order to pull myself to whatever lies ahead, and then I will get there and enjoy my lunch, then pull myself to the afternoon. Day is over. Done. And I was barely aware for any of it as I barely existed for any of it.

I think I have some hesitation about what lies ahead, and I think I need to think more about where I’m going in life. I need to start trying to prioritise certain things. Health, primarily. But that’s something that can wait for another day. That’s something that lies far ahead of me, and it’s also right here. It’s right here with me, and I’m rambling about things again.

Today is the first day of another contract and I’m tempered about how I feel, I guess. This is okay. This could be much worse. I’m not feeling it, but I’m getting there. I don’t know.

I guess I’m just tired and in dire need of a very long holiday.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:33:81

Happy with the speed. Could be better, could be worse. Is fine enough. Bit loose in the writing. Concise and loose and rambling, so not concise.

Written at work.