So I just scrapped two bits of writing that I started a few days ago. They were challenge writings, they were done when they were done, and I could barely remember them. Of course you’re not expected to remember everything you write, but I felt it write to just toss them away. Mood shifts and all that, and I’m feeling better right now. I might not be soon I’m listening to “Waterloo” on repeat whilst I write this, but I am feeling better at the moment.

So I tossed these two bits of writing away as I felt I couldn’t go back to them. I felt I could do better, and I am confident that I can do better than what I had put forward in them. I am going to try and do better. I want to try and do better. One always wants to do better. I think I can say better again. That’s better.

Better.

So I’m here. Not too long left now. Not much left to write. Going to be an absolute hell, however. A lot of writing to do over the next few weeks. Barely even a few weeks, however. Not too long to go and that’s the way I want it. Bit scared still, but also more relieved and more concerned about what I’m going to do to myself in churning out all of these words and the words to come. It’s a lot of work that doesn’t need to be done but I want to do it, so therefore it is what I will be doing. Will it go well? I don’t know. Probably won’t, but just might.

It’s not much time, but at the same time it is quite a lot. There’s only so many hours in the day and it’s easy to burn through them, but it is sometimes also easy to have far too many on one’s hands. I’m in the latter, rather than the former, situation. I’m considering this a bit of good luck at the moment. It’s going to turn into a curse, but gotta make the most of what I have. Going to burn out, but I will burn out brilliantly.

So… where too from here? I’m already getting tired of “Waterloo”, but it’s helping me write so I’m leaving it on. I could be doing so many other things right now. I could be editing the bits of writing I am intending to get published today. I could do that. I could do so many other things with the time that I have. Instead I’m making myself annoyed at a song and In could easily change it, but I’m not. I do be a silly person sometimes. All the time. Half of all the time and never not any of the time.

And I’m already struggling. There’s another thing that I’m doing today and maybe it will reveal itself. Maybe it won’t, but I’m going to try. The best one can do is try and so trying is what I am doing. Hoping is also what I am doing. No hope would not help, so have to have some hope. A little bit on the side with a healthy breakfast. Could go a long way. Could go nowhere. No point in wondering or asking questions, but questions are what I’m asking and those questions are “Why am I still doing this to myself?”, and that’s where they stop. So really, I’m just asking myself one question.

Let me tell you, “Waterloo” is, as the kids say, a banger. Such a strident, excited track. Just absolute confidence oozing out in this expression of feelings of romance. Strong and joyous, and just celebratory of both the medium of music, the form of song and the sensation of feelings. Of choosing to give into those feelings. Happy stuff. Perhaps a little scary, too, but it’s nice. It’s glorious.

I didn’t intend to set out tow rite about “Waterloo”, but it really is just a wonderfully wonderful song. ABBA are owed a lot of respect, I feel, and they probably get it. However, most of my memories of them aren’t their music, but the incessant advertising of them in a few short periods of time that I bore witness to when I was growing up, and it was always for something like The ABBA Collection, or whatever it was called. And that didn’t help me want to listen to them either, partly because I was a kid and I didn’t understand.

Now I listen to them of my own accord, and there’s so much of them that I feel I need to listen to. Or rather, I am interested in listening to, because it’s a rich world of music out there and ABBA are a group I want to experience more of. That’s what I hope to do. I’m good at getting distracted, however, so I don’t know if I will give myself the time to experience them properly. But I will try. And I’ll keep looking for other music, too. See what lies out there. See what tickles my ears.

I probably wouldn’t have written that had I not been listening to “Waterloo” at the moment, but that’s what happens sometimes. Maybe I wouldn’t have written it in the way that I did, and maybe not at this particular juncture in time. But I did, it’s written, and it’s time for me to try and move on. It’s time for me to find what else is out there and write about that, and then go from there to somewhere else far beyond what could be written about anything, ever. And then write stuff that will be forgotten about as I’m not careful and considerate with my words, and that’s a real problem. ABBA, however, are, and their music is quite enjoyable. I know that some of their stuff is not as strong as it could be, but hey, that;s the way it goes sometimes, and that’s how it is.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 13:24:15

I wrote this yesterday morning, thinking that it’d be a highly productive day. It wasn’t and I should’ve gotten this up yesterday instead of now, but… yeah.

Written at work.