There were three times I seriously considered breaking up with my ex and all three times I decided not to.

The first time was back around the middle of 2012. I was very happy but at the same time I was quite stressed and unsure of what direction our relationship was going in. I saw Ewe that evening at a place he was house-sitting and discussed it a bit with him.

When I say discuss, I of course mean that I talked a lot about what I felt problems were.

He told me that relationships require a lot of work and that I should really discuss it with my ex instead of with him, so I did just that when I got home.

The second time was late last year. I was struggling hard with uni at the time and one of my aunts had passed away. Whilst we didn’t have a close relationship,  I felt quite messed up by it. This was compounded with my team leader at work not really being appropriate for his position and creating a ridiculously stressful environment. I stopped thinking clearly and one day decided that I couldn’t handle the relationship any more.

I cycled to uni that day as I normally would but as I had no focus, I left early (with permission from my teacher) and cycled a longer way home than usual, just to really think. By the time I got home, I had decided not to break up with my ex because taking out a less than stellar situation on her was unfair and I needed to deal with my crap like an adult.

I told her what I had felt and that I was not going to break up with her because of the reasons above. She was quite saddened, but I didn’t think it would’ve been fair had I not told her.

The third time was a few weeks before the break up. I was far too wrapped up in my own crap at the time and getting grouchy for little to no reason. I was thinking that I should just end it with her because she wouldn’t do anything with me anymore and not understanding that I couldn’t do much in the first place because I had to study a lot (which didn’t happen due to my extreme dedication to procrastination, something I’ll go into detail about another time). I was quite ready to do it as well, but I didn’t. She made me feel very lucky to be with her just by being with her and I wanted to do better by her but I didn’t know how, so I decided that once the semester was over I’d do more for her as well as more stuff with her.

Then she broke up with me.

Now I’m not trying to vindicate my behaviour here. I can’t speak on my ex’s behalf either (relationships being a two way thing and all) and as you all will see as I put more up, I was quite the bastard.

What I’m trying to say here is that at times, you’re really not going to be in the right frame of mind for decision making of any scale. There will be times that you will really not want to be with your partner (whether you have one now or in the future). Make sure you think it through first and discuss whatever it is that is troubling you with your partner. Do it with maturity and calmness. If there is something serious that your partner is doing that is really going on far more than it should, then get direct and give them a kick up the bum. Most people are far more willing to work through things than it would seem and you both come out of it better for it.

Sometimes you will be in the right frame of mind, but you should still at least consider the above options anyway.

There are as many relationships that end up being wasted opportunities as there as there are relationships that are worth ending. Do I feel I should have been given a massive kick due to my massive bastard behaviour, despite the fact I should have recognised it myself? Yes. Do I feel it should have come without the break up? Absolutely.

But at least it’s inspired me to try for another chance and be a better me.

And maybe it’ll inspire some others out there before their relationship becomes much harder to have.