Yesterday I went for a cycle for the first time in a good few months and when I got back I felt like writing but I didn’t because other things needed doing. Now I’m sort of writing about it, or something.

I was going to go for a cycle today but I’ve been asked to do some photographing on Saturday night which will come straight after working. I’ve agreed to do it but it means that, due to my lack of cycling I won’t be cycling today. Body needs rest and all.

Well that and being tired and procrastinating and it’s around the middle of the afternoon, so… yeah.

But now I sit here and I’m wondering if I should have written about cycling yesterday. Would anything have changed? The answer is that it is unlikely that anything would have changed, but maybe I would be sitting elsewhere right now. Perhaps I’d be sitting on my bike’s saddle, pedaling around and appreciating all the sights and sounds and a bunch of other things, but really I’d be cycling and feeling sad as I’d be listening to sad music to help carry me to wherever I would be heading, which like would be to some location before deciding to turn around and head on back home.

It’s the way it goes some of the time. It doesn’t happen all of the time, but it certainly happens some of the time.

Feeling tired and all is not fun; especially when it’s from doing something you haven’t done from a while, but it’s something I’ll overcome. I want to cycle more. I miss cycling on a regular basis. I miss being able to get around on a bike to some places. I don’t miss regularly cycling over The Sydney Harbour Bridge to get to work, though also part of me does. At the same time I’m glad I’m not doing that anymore as if I was, it would mean I’d still be at a place I would much rather not bet at, despite how much it felt like a place where I belonged with a group of people, though I probably didn’t.

In thinking about this I also miss cycling down to Greenwich wharf, catching a ferry across to Birchgrove and then cycling home to Glebe via Iron Cove. I don’t miss the kind of sadness that I was going through at the time. I don’t miss that kind of pain; just more the cycling itself. It was a good trek.

There was one time when I went that way to work. Maybe more than once. Cycling uphill after getting off the ferry wasn’t fun though. Well, cycling up that hill in particular. Could’ve been worse of course, but getting up earlier than usual just to be able to do that trek wasn’t justifiable to me.

Possibly wasn’t fit enough at the time either.

I think about a lot of the rides I did around that time, which was between 2013 and 2015. To be more specific it was more 2014 to 2015, but the time varies depending on what is considered. 2014 to 2015 is definitely more the time when I was in a lot of emotional pain and so it is possible that I was pushing myself cycling-wise a lot more than I usually would because of that. Not entirely sure.

Anyway, I digress kind of.

I remember doing a lot of longer cycles then and listening to a lot of more emotionally intense music. I still listen to a lot of that stuff, but not in the same way. It’s probably a good thing.

I remember also being much fitter then than I am now, as well as less bound by injury. That said, I can overcome my injuries but I need to work on that more. I can also be more fit just by doing more cycling and walking and all that stuff, and so I’m slowly working on that and I’m slowly getting there.

Don’t think I could cycle to the photo job on Saturday night though. That would be a bit overkill right now.

Probably would be a bit overkill at any time.

I want to go bike touring at some point, which I’d need to be really fit for. Still, it’s something I want to do. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and it’s something I’ve put off for too long. I don’t necessarily think I’ve made the wrong decision to prioritise some other stuff over doing that, but it is something I feel would’ve been better to do a few years ago. Still, I don’t want to let that stop me.

I want to head on off and go experience things for a few weeks. Maybe even a few months. All pedaling. I could drive but that kind of journeying is different to the journeying I want to do on a bike.

I’d cycle on down somewhere and just think about things under a massive sky. I’d not necessarily feel free, but I’d enjoy the way the air would hit my face and I’d just keep on cycling until I’d need to stop. Take my camera gear with me, take photos. Do all that kind of stuff.

Have another good, long think about who I am and what I’ve experienced. Too much noise in the city to do that, sometimes.

Whenever I think about cycling I find myself missing it dearly, but I generally only think about it when I haven’t done it enough. I start again, I hurt and I remember that I need to do it more, but then I put it aside and procrastinate. Maybe this time will be different. I need to make some fixes to my bike but otherwise it’s pretty safe to cycle.

Maybe I will get to where I want in terms of cycling. It’ll take time, but maybe I will get there and once more I’ll be gliding in a way that walking and driving does not allow.

Maybe.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 18:00:91

I feel this is a bit lacking in cohesion in parts. If it were more cohesive then the length would be better justified. Then again, maybe it wouldn’t as the writing would be more concise.

Written at home.