When I woke up this morning I had a moment similar to the one yesterday. Realised it was Wednesday, realised it was only Wednesday, but then I got on with whatever it was that I had to get on with as I didn’t have the time to sit down and go over that. There were other things at hand that I needed to take care of and so take care of them I did and all that other junk.
Now I am here and the day is over but it continues on as the day is not really over. There still is the evening and soon I will sail through the night, and by “sail” I mean “drive” and by “drive” I mean “drive”.
I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I can tell you that I’m not going right now as this is being written and all that other stuff that makes me sound fancy but really is a way for me to cover for my dearth of ideas flowing forward, almost as though they are refusing to be used for they have become aware of their own temporary existence and would rather seek out another way to have meaning in existence. They no longer want to exist as something that comes out on the odd occasion and would much rather seek loftier ambition that allows them to survive and experience and grow from there.
What would these ideas become if they were allowed this freedom? I do not know so I keep on trying to force them out but they remain out of reach. They are sly and crafty and therefore able to avoid my grabbing and so I know not what to do other than keep on stretching things to a state beyond what should be allowable and hope that no one realises that there is nothing other than complete and utter emptiness in the words that I keep throwing out into this space.
Maybe I just need to accept that I’ve failed here and get on with my life. Maybe I need to accept that there are no ideas within me as they all escaped a while ago and have slowly grown into something else. Of course I can’t accept this as the bastards are still in there bouncing and rattling about. They seem as though they are in a state of being elsewhere, so to speak, but the moment they are called upon they show their cleverness through their continued success in dodging and avoiding all attempts of use.
Perhaps I just need to learn to live with them as they are and then get on with other things, but soon I need to go for a “drive” in the “dark” time known as “night”. That will give me time for thought but it won’t be a long drive anyway, and then I’ll be home and I’ll be back to where I was with this whole conundrum. Then it’s all of this again.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:49:61
This was a bit of a struggle at first. Once I got to personifying ideas it became much easier. I think this is merely okay, but it’s also an improvement over some recent stuff.
Written at home.