It has been an absolutely wild eight days. Might be nine days, depending on how you count. And only wild in terms of what my life is normally like, but let me tell you, just full on. I’ve been meaning to write about it; to enshrine it all in order to try and make sense of everything, but I have not had the energy. I’m also not going to write about it in full here, because there are other things that I want to cover.

Right now my heart is aflutter with possibility, and I also have some wonderful news in my life. That news lifts the stress by a significant amount and I can get back to living life a bit more. Or at least trying to get back to living life. More feeling like shit, but less more feeling like shit and just a regular more, if that makes sense.

Right now I’m listening to “Nessun Dorma” (I know, I know), and things feel good. I’m not excited for the future, but I certainly am looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to what comes next. I’m looking forward to relaxing and a few trips, and getting back to living in a way that’s less subsistence and survival. Some comfort.

I’ve been practising bass a lot more, and more willingly, too. It has been a long time since I willingly practised, and this is good. A lot of the music I make is more rhythmic in nature and my guitar playing is also rhythmic, and I prefer to practise bass than guitar. But I still default to guitar a lot of the time. So we’ll see what happens.

I’ve been drawing more, too. Writing still is waiting for its time, and maybe I just need to give it a few more nudges. I don’t want to overburden myself – especially not right now – but things are becoming clearer. A lot of misery trudging to get hear. A lot of thoughts of suicide. A lot of pushing on and just continuing, and surviving.

I feel like survival mode finally lifted a little over a week ago. Close to two weeks, now that I think about it. I decided to do some extra prep work for some food I was making, and I did it. It took ages and I also nearly burned my fingers on oil, but it was worth it. Didn’t turn out well, but I’m still glad I did it, because it meant that I am getting through everything. I know that everything else I’ve been doing means that, but this really felt like it meant it. But so will the next thing. So will whatever comes next.

So… I’m not sure what I’m saying here. I am going to write about the past number of days, though perhaps not now. I just wanted to say that I’m doing okay. I’m doing alright. I’m surviving, and I’m also getting restless in a way that drives me to create.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 7:21:72

Easy write for most of it. Could it be better? Yes. But I’m still happy with this one.

Written at home.