Alright, so I have about ten minutes and so I’m going to do a little bit of racing. Have been meaning to write a lot more this month than I have and it hasn’t been happening. Lack of sleep and all that. I have a lot of things that I want to cover and that might start today. Hopefully that starts today. Don’t know. Anyway.

So at work, sitting here. Buying time. Writing this out. Racing, racing, racing. Racing to get ahead. Racing to fall behind. Racing to get wherever this seat takes me. Don’t know where it will. Don’t know how it will. Don’t even know if it will. Do know that it might go somewhere and it might not. The future is yet to be determined, and it will always remain that way. Ascertained, perhaps. Confidence found in direction, maybe. Determined… no. And not yet to be determined, either. Anything could happen. Why, an elephant could crash through the ceiling. It’s incredibly unlikely, but it is not impossible.

You could be sitting at your desk, eating dried mango and then suddenly the sound of a trunk bellowing at it’s loudest. You don’t know what’s going on and you don’t have time to react because an elephant, subsequently, finds itself travelling in a downward trajectory, through materials forming a ceiling, but a floor on the other side, and down it goes, and down you go with it. Maybe you survive. Maybe you don’t. All you know is an elephant has collided with you and there’s little else you can do, and maybe you don’t even know that much. Maybe it’s all far too much to take in in one elephant falling.

But that’s neither here nor there. All this is to say is that the future is uncertain, and that’s a way for it to be. There are far worse things out there in the world and, whilst we can certain plan and reduce chances of things not going our way, we can only reduce; we cannot eliminate. All it takes for good plans to fall to error is one small thing to run afoul of where we are headed.

So… now that that is out of the way, what next? Where to go from here? This is a nice space to be in at the moment, but I’d rather be elsewhere. Enjoy the work; enjoy the cooler office. Rather be at home, taking care of my plants and washing and all of those things. A lot of things to take care of and not all the time in the world to do so. Good thing and bad thing, but rather be at home taking care of things. Home, paid, and not having to worry about financial security. Would be the best way to be, I think. Or the worst. Who knows. It’s a goal, but it’s one a long way away and there are plenty of things that could get in the way of it all. But that’s something to worry about at another time. Right now I want to worry about finishing this off and then getting back to work, and I’m just throwing things at whatever in the hopes that it all makes sense at the end of the day.

Hope is a good thing to have, but one needs action behind what they desire. One needs action behind what it is that they are looking for and believing in, for hope without action is you get the idea. Still, it is good to have hope without action sometimes. One should not give into despair if they can avoid it. Giving into despair is a good way to have hope disappear, and with hope disappearing, you get hopelessness. Or maybe you don’t; I don’t know. I just firmly believe in trying to do what one can to get things happening, and if that means a lot of talking about things, then I don’t know what to say, because there’s not much else that one can say about the state of things when it involves hope and taking action.

Maybe, rather than hope, I mean belief. I think I mean belief, but I don’t know. But it’s good to believe in things. It’s good to believe in guiding ideas and principles, and it’s also good to do one’s best to uphold these where they can. It’s good to be flexible and be willing to learn, too. Too many people are unwilling to learn and grow, and as such they end up knowing everything, and that’s not something I want to be around, to be honest. A person who is not willing to grow and be fallible is a person who might not be worth the time, sometimes. You can still learn something from people who don’t grow, but sometimes you need to think about what it is you are learning from someone and what you’re taking from what they do and what they say. It is rare to not learn anything at all from those around us, and if one is not learning, they’re not growing, and…

So I don’t know where I’m going from this. All I know is that it is too warm and I’m not handling it well, and I generally don’t handle heat all too well. Or rather, I do, but I do tend to be much more irritable in the heat, which is something not worth mentioning but I’ve now mentioned it and now you must live with this information.

How does it feel? How does it feel to carry information you don’t care about for the rest of your life? Sure, I could’ve been the better person and not said a thing, but that’s not my style. It’s now with you, and only through hope and action can you rid yourself of this terrible affliction upon your thoughts. But that won’t happen, and you are doomed to carry this for the rest of your days whilst I rejoice in my malice.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 12:25:91

Not as fast as I’d hoped, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.

I was hoping for something a bit more coherent, but this unravelled well before there was a good thread running through it and so I went with it. Uneven, bit of a mess, but it was fun writing.

Written at work.