It is a Sunday and I have some fantastic news, in that I will soon be in a better job. It’s one that has actual growth opportunities and it’s one that’s closer to where I want to be, and hey, if I like it enough, I’d be happy to stay in the position. But that’s not what I want to write about this morning.
What I want to write about is wherever I can be in a given point of time given enough time and distance to reach said point.
Actually, I don’t know what I want to write about and I don’t really know if I want to write at the moment. I think over the last few weeks I’ve had a bit of an ebb and it’s all moving away from me. Who knows.
Perhaps I am deceiving myself and just trying to say that I don’t want to write, but I don’t know. I don’t know anymore, but I do know that I’ve had some good news and years of increasing poverty are finally averted; at least, for the time being. Yet to see what happens and will need to make sure I save a lot so as to stay afloat in case anything goes awry. But I can do that now.
I wonder as to what would have happened had I gotten this kind of success earlier in my life, but I don’t regret it happening now. I don’t regret being poor, and I don’t regret the chances I’ve missed because, at the end of the day, I am still quite lucky. I’ve managed to survive for this long and I have some great friends, and I have a great partner in my life. In some ways I’ve won the lottery.
My getting this job was a team effort, because there was a lot of falling apart that I was supported through, and I received a lot of help. I was really lucky with that. It was four years of increasing stress and pressure, and I haven’t been able to pay much in the way of rent for the last few months, and I received a great deal of help and support the whole way through.
But now here I am and I’m writing about something I don’t want to write about and I’m writing even though I don’t want to write, and there still are plenty of things that need doing, but that’s all okay. Everything is alright at the moment. Things won’t be soon as the current job still needs to be worked before the new one starts, but I’m okay. I’m alive and I’m okay, and that’s a good space to be in.
Many things will draw to a close in the coming months, but I’ll be able to keep looking forward and I’ll be able to let go of stuff, and maybe I’ll let myself not be stressed as much as I have been, but I’ll see.
But relaxing does sound nice.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:55:23
A bit more openly serious, but also a bit more optimistic. A bit lighter.
Don’t worry; it won’t last MWAHAHAHA and so on and so forth.
Written at home.
Stupidity Hole 