Stupidity Hole

So I’m looking at this particular draft and the note on it is “It’s fantasy, this one”, and for a moment I wasn’t sure what that meant. I had to think about it because that doesn’t say much. It doesn’t tell me anything. But then it did.

What happened was my memory started welling up. I started thinking about why I would note that down. It wasn’t just to make something up on the spot and put it forward to show that I am some sort of literary genius, or someone who is a master of the profound in a vague manner; it was to remind me to continue writing whiffle about my coastal fantasy.

This was originally going to be about that, but now it’s not. What this bit of writing is about is what we do to set ourselves reminders to remind us of things in order to remind us of things.

Or maybe it’s not about that at all.

So I have notes. I have a lot of notes and I cycle through things as I get to them. I get to them, I write about them and then I put them down for a bit longer, only to eventually cycle back to them, or I finish them off then and there. Notes like “It’s fantasy, this one”, somehow help me remember what I was going to write. However, usually my notes are lengthy rough drafts and far less vague.

I’m trying to remember as to why I thought that short a note would help me remember what I was going to write, but apparently it worked. And now I’m not writing about it. It’s funny how these things work, and yet it is not at all. That’s just the way life goes sometimes and you  do what you can and can what you don’t, unless you file it away under “F” for “Forget about it for a while, then try to remember later”.

I wonder how many people rely on notes to get through the day. I wonder as to how many people need to maintain a continued guidance. I’m sure there are plenty and I hope it does help them feel like they’re living their lives to some extent.

I wonder if I should rely on setting myself up more notes. Maybe I should; maybe I shouldn’t. Who is to say?

So now I’m wondering more about things. What else is there to wonder about? Where is my life going? How is my life going? Can one summarise a life and things that need to be done within a few lines? Can someone capture existence in one or two sentences? How esoteric and vague can a note be before it is no longer helpful? I’m sure there are limits, but what if there aren’t? This is not a world of which I care to find out about, and so I hope I don’t, but maybe I will. I don’t know.

So I have a lot of notes I need to get through and I’m sure I will. I hope I will. Things have been slow, yet I keep on chipping away. I keep on working on what it is that I hope helps me get out of the rut I am in. I keep looking for my desire and one day it may return to me, but I don’t know. I mean, I can only try.

Maybe I need to set myself a vague note to remind myself that I have passions and I need to upwell them from all the muck they are currently preserved under. Then I can find more notes attached to them that tell me what it is that I was going to remind myself of at some point down the track, and then I can get on with the getting on and so on and so forth.

Maybe my desires are nothing but layers of notes that I keep taking from and adding to, and I accidentally took away the ones that said to ensure that those desires remained; that, despite what happened, I could still enjoy them for all they are and continue on with my life. That’d be interesting… or it wouldn’t.

But these are all things that I don’t need to think about. If I do set myself a note, however, I might just have to. And maybe I should set myself more notes that aren’t just rough drafts, but things that’ll help guide me to revisit ideas that I have and forget, or things that’ll help me stay in routine. Things that’ll keep me going through the day and keep it structures and cohesive, and that’d be great. That’d be wonderful. But maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe there is such a thing as having too many notes, and if there is… well, then what? Where do I go from there?

I can only experience the things that I experience, and I can only live the life I live. And I can fill it with notes if I so wish. I can wake up and see a note on the ceiling, then once I’m done putting on pants before heading to work, find notes in my pockets about the other things I need to check before I head off. You know, do I have my lunch with me? Do I have everything I need to have ready in order to be ready? Those sorts of things.

There are so many choices of approaching notes and there are so many ways of approaching how to make use of them. Sometimes helpful and sometimes not, they travel through time upon words written and words recorded, and they serve a purpose, even if that purpose isn’t know to the person creating them. And perhaps they need to be more abstract and esoteric in order to gain full power, but that’s something that probably doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that they exist, and they serve a useful purpose for some.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 11:16:89

I wanted to write something about the nature of notes and I kind of did that, but I went elsewhere a bit too much.

Written at USYD Law Library.