Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1532: Rambling on a Lack of Sleep

Posted on August 22, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

So I’m sitting in a cafe not far from work. About two minutes of walking, actually. Not far at all. I’m sitting here, I’m tired. I’m worn out. Not enough sleep. It was worth it, or rather this lack of sleep is worth it, today. I’ll probably hit the wall sometime in the afternoon, but for now I’m chugging along. I’m firing on some cylinders.

Last night went well enough, I think, but I don’t know if my heart was in it or not. I took the photos as though by a natural, reflexive and instinctual process. Didn’t feel much of anything, but I didn’t come out of it feeling less about it, and maybe that’s a good thing. Probably a neutral thing. Possibly a thing thing.

I’m sitting here and I’m thinking of the process of life, and if I’m allowing myself enough time to process photos. I’ve given a timeline for when they should be expected and I know I can do it, but I’m wondering if I actually can. Probably. Will be making small adjustments, big adjustments, and nothing I’m unfamiliar with, but I’m good at missing the goals I set and put forward, so all of this remains to be seen. For now.

When I think about going to another gig, I’m a little stressed. I’m a little worried. At the current moment there’s something in me saying I should do this again. Should I do this again? Should I keep going? I still carry a lot of that self-doubt, because of course one night isn’t going to miraculously change everything. I want to and I don’t want to try again. It’s a constant mixed bag of things and I’m constantly fighting myself on this. It’s not a good way to be. At the same time, in writing this I’m realising I’m just dealing with forms of indecision, so that’s a thing.

I’m sitting here, it’s miserable outside but that’s okay. There are worse places to be, worse things to experience. I’m okay. I’m fortunate, and I should try and do more where I can, but I also should stop trying to force myself through everything. But I know that if I rest, that’s it. I won’t do anything. I know that I won’t process these photos and I know I won’t do any work today. I won’t go to yoga and I won’t live my life, so I do have to keep going. I don’t have to know that I want to keep doing photography now, but I should do what I can where I can (so long as I have the energy) to work out what I want to do with it at this point. If that desire still exists within me.

There are so many things to work out and I’m sure I will get there. I’m sure that things will come and reveal themselves over time, and I’ll see where it all leads and so on and so forth, and that’s that.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:49:48

Not great. It’s what came forward and it’s what is, but not great.

Written at Double Barrel Coffee + Food House.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1531: Photography self-doubt, etc.

Posted on August 21, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

I’m photographing my first gig in a couple of months tonight. Still not sure if the drive is back in me, but I want to do this tonight… so I’m doing it. I’m also asking myself questions, because of course I am.

Do I still have it in me? Am I able to do good work? Has my work ever been good? I ask and I wonder, and I don’t know. I am filled with doubt, and I know I shouldn’t be. I know I should be fine. I know there will be good photos, but I’m not confident there will be.

I know I’m not too old to keep doing this, but maybe I’m too far behind. Maybe now is the time to put things down, let go, move on. I don’t know. I’ll be there and I’ll take photos, but something in me is hesitant. Something is telling me to not and just go home instead, and I don’t want to listen to that. I want to go out and do it, but I have to wonder.

I’ve had so much bitterness and frustration over the photo scene in Sydney. The eternal praise and subsequent ignoring that comes with it, and that shouldn’t deter me. That shouldn’t leave me wanting to stop. That shouldn’t leave me hesitant to continue. I wonder if my identity with the camera was, in part, tied to my relationship. I didn’t start doing gig photography until I was in it, and I’ve only photographed one other gig since getting dumped. Maybe there’s just too much in there for me to keep feeling something from it. I don’t know.

These are thoughts that are worth having, but I also have to be willing to explore them, find out if there is a way past and I don’t know if I actually am ready. I don’t know if I’m ready to let go and move on, but I also don’t know if I’m able to continue. The gear sits with me and sit where I want it and I do use it, but I’m not using it in the way I used to and I get some spikes here and there, but the passion doesn’t persist.

It all feels hopeless and I’m filled with doubt, but I’m forcing myself to photograph tonight. I’m forcing myself past my holding myself back. Even if it lacks passion or drive, I’m going to do my best. I owe the artist that much, and I’m sure I’ll be fine once I get into the swing of things, but I wonder if I have any good years left, and I’m going to be wondering for a while. I’m going to be wondering for a while, and maybe I’ll find an answer. Maybe I won’t, but I do know something will change. Maybe not in terms of action, but in my thinking. But whilst I have these questions, I’ve got to go photograph a gig and that’s what I’m gonna do.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:42:54

Surface heavy.

Written at work.

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Movement in Performance

Posted on August 20, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Another photo of one of Imperial Triumphant’s members, and this time with a bit more obvious motion. From what I remember, this was one of those big rock moments. I’m likely remembering incorrectly, however. The guitar might’ve been getting attacked in a certain way to get a specific sound, something like that.

This is my submission into Leanne Cole‘s “Monochrome Madness” for this week. This one is hosted by Leanne, and she has chosen “Movement” as the theme.

This challenge is open to all, and I recommend joining in. If want to, check out more information about it here, and include the tag “monochrome-madness” when you share your photo. If you’d prefer not to join in, then at the least check out Leanne’s photography, and what other people submit.

I hope you enjoy.

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Yasunori Mitsuda: Zeal Palace

Posted on August 19, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

I rushed this during my lunch break and I don’t think that was a good idea. I feel like I kept trying to find something and moved on instead of exploring each time I was about to go somewhere.

Yasunori Mitsuda’s (光田 康典) “Zeal Palace” (“ジール宮殿”) is from Chrono Trigger‘s soundtrack, Chrono Trigger Original Sound Version.

—

Tense strings draw long and keys descend, echoing with drama. Percussion soon comes in, rattles, presses. More strings join and seem to float there with a lofty glance. They seem to look down.

It all shifts into something that feels more industrial. Mechanical, forceful, cold in a way. Brass punctuates at angles and menace fills the air. It comes to a sudden stop as strings strike out end push this sense of inevitability. Of being unable to stop something coming.

It all loops back to the start and that heaviness is there. That advancement, unabated. The continual push for more, whatever that could be. The space is dark and sterile, and brightly light and full of whispers. It’s full of menace, full of ill portent. It lacks a friendliness. It lacks relaxation, and it holds throughout everything fading away at the song’s end.

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Entry to Inside

Posted on August 19, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Alright, so a small bit of story behind this photo.

When I saw that the theme for this challenge was “Looking Back”, I realised I had a recent photo I could use of ANZAC Bridge as a direct comparative to one I’d used previously. I got everything ready, then saw that the challenge was actually “Looking Back to #20: Doors” (Here’s a link to #20).

Not a problem. I took photos of a door last year. Could use one of those. Those photos are currently archived. Didn’t want to go digging, so I decided to take a photo of another door. I could do something a bit more dynamic, like take a photo that is against the door, something like that.

So I took a photo of one set of doors for one of USYD’s buildings, and it’s a straightforward door photo, but I don’t care. I like these doors. They’re nothing amazing, but they are part of what helps me feel like I’m part of an institution whose aims I can get behind.

I had a look at what I submitted for #20, and this is a much less animated photo. This is more still and quiet, and suggests more about how to interact with the door. These doors you have to open, though with a button press. The train’s open automatically. Could probably argue that you  have to be more an active participant in going somewhere when you have to open the doors yourself to get there. Then you could get philosophical about it.

This is my submission into the three hundred-and-sixty-first Lens-Artists Photo Challenge.

The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:

Tina

Patti

Ann-Christine aka Leya

John Steiner

Sofia Alves

Anne Sandler

Egídio

Ritva

Beth

This one is curated by Sofia. The next one is curated by Beth.

I recommend joining the community and participating in the challenges. They’re pretty straightforward, allow room for interpretation, and provide a good way to think about photography in general. If not, however, then at the very least you should check out what others submit to the challenges.

I hope you enjoy.

 

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Underworld: Appleshine (All Of The Lights)

Posted on August 18, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

Went in, describing, sort of trying to get a mood across, I think. Not sure. The main goal was to do more than one thing today and I succeeded in that regard. I don’t think I wrote the best thing I could, but it is something.

Underworld’s “Appleshine (All Of The Lights)” is from Drift. Drift is a series of experimental releases. The first set is comprised of songs and videos Underworld put out between 2018 and 2019. They were also compiled both as a series of EPs and a full release known as Drift Series 1 – Complete. “Appleshine (All Of The Lights)” was on the EP EP 2: Atom and also included on the Complete release.

I hope you enjoy.

—

A calm. A nice calm as sounds oscillate. Soft, dulled, peaceful, or muted. Rain music, almost. A music of emptiness. A music of space, forming. Taking shape.

A voice appears, getting across the right words. Getting across imagery, carrying narrative. Carrying stories. Weaving through sound to fill more sound. The voice stops and beat comes in, thumping softly. More percussion, cut and looped. Shuffling. Thumping and shuffling softly.

The voice returns, keeping its prominence and retaining its gentle flow. The beat fills a little more, and more voice comes in. Loops. Looping on “Know your name”. And other bits and pieces of sound come in here and there, forming flow. Forming progression until most stop and the main sounds get some focus.

The beat soon returns, and like a mechanical crackle, a sound that was there before, forming, taking shape carries a greater prominence in the background. The voice returns, confirming. Stating. It makes its knowing clear, and everything flows forward.

Something else appears, emphasising. Changing the form of the melody by adding to it. It is almost an open ceiling of sorts. It reinforces this rainy weather feel to the song, and perhaps a cloudy sky is what sits above. What sits out of reach and in full view, and things continue on and gradually disappear, leaving the main sounds once, fading away as the song ends.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1530: Not Enough Rest

Posted on August 18, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Sleep is this thing that occasionally happens in my life. When it happens, it is usually heavy and needed, and not enough to not make me feel tired, and then I end up with more bad sleep and a cycle continues and… yeah. But last night it was heavy and I almost had an uninterrupted one, but it was heavy and appreciated.

I’d planned to leave home early and walk through Sydney CBD in the dark, taking photos along the way. It didn’t pan out that way, but that was the plan. That’s what I wanted to do, but I didn’t. I stayed in bed for too long, but it was a nice rest. It was comfortable. But I need more sleep and I fear I’ll keep myself within a terrible cycle, because that’s what I’m good at doing.

So what does this have to do with anything? People sleep poorly all the time. So what? It’s just a good way for me to start things, I guess. Talking about mistreating myself, and talking about how I’ve done it for years on end. It’s the way things happen and it’s not unique. It’s something I always hope to stop, however, but I rarely do. But maybe this time things will be different.

I want to sleep better. I want to move on with my life. I want to find a better tomorrow for myself, but I really, REALLY want to be able to rest. I want to be able to rest so I can recharge and feel a bit more functional. I want to be functional so I can get more things done, and I want to be able to get more things done so I can get back to where I was.

Maybe there is no going back. Maybe I won’t be able to get a sense of functionality back, and I just need to switch into a more steady rest-based life. I don’t know. I wonder. I wonder if I am going to pull out of this, and I wonder if I’ll be able to get back to being productive. I don’t know.

I do know I need more sleep. I know that not enough people get sleep and I know that this needs to change for a lot of people. I wonder as to the conditions that lead to this. I’m not a sleep scientist (whatever they’re called), but I still think about these things. I think they’re worth considering. I wonder how much can be put down to lifestyle choices.

But I had a good sleep last night, and maybe I’ll have a good sleep tonight. Maybe the day will pass on by and I’ll keep getting more sleep, and things will improve. But they need to improve for others, too. I’m just one person; what about my neighbour? What about the person down the street, and the one a few suburbs over? They need rest, too, and there doesn’t seem to be enough these days.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:30:52

I think sometimes I write far better in a serious mode than I do silly. At least at the moment it’s coming much easier. This could be better (it always can), but I think I’m at least touching on a subject more effectively than usual.

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On an Incline

Posted on August 17, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

This photo was taken whilst I was trying to capture a cloud. It was an interesting cloud, and this was an interesting framing for me. Doesn’t say much of anything, has a certain coldness to it. That’s all there is to say.

This is my submission into Leanne Cole‘s “Monochrome Madness” for this week. The next one is hosted by Leanne, and she has chosen “Movement” as the theme.

This challenge is open to all, and I recommend joining in. If want to, check out more information about it here, and include the tag “monochrome-madness” when you share your photo. If you’d prefer not to join in, then at the least check out Leanne’s photography, and what other people submit.

I hope you enjoy.

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Frog Kite Near Light

Posted on August 16, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Here’s a frog kite I’ve had since I was a kid. I was trying to get a sort of ominous shot, but it didn’t quite work out.

This is my submission into the three hundred-and-sixtieth Lens-Artists Photo Challenge. The theme for this one is “Found at the Fair / Market”. Truthfully, I don’t know where this was found. It was purchased for me when I was a kid and I’m fairly certain it was a market, but I’m not 100% certain. Still, it looks like the kind of thing you’d find at a market, so I feel it fits.

The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:

Tina

Patti

Ann-Christine aka Leya

John Steiner

Sofia Alves

Anne Sandler

Egídio

Ritva

Beth

This one is curated by Leya. The next one will be hosted by Sofia.

I recommend joining the community and participating in the challenges. They’re pretty straightforward, allow room for interpretation, and provide a good way to think about photography in general. If not, however, then at the very least you should check out what others submit to the challenges.

I hope you enjoy.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1529: Faint Addition

Posted on August 15, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Another fine day, another fine dollar. What does this mean? Nothing right now. Or something. Or actually, what it means is it’s another work day, working to earn money, usually said in a manner that implies the drudgery of the process, but with a bit more of a positive spin this time around. Pointless. But also, not really.

The rain falls outside, lightly, barely visible. Moving toward a faint addition to a barely-perceptible breeze. How like life.

I’m sitting here, and I’m thinking to myself that I could just end the blog now. I could do that. I am still forcing myself, however. I don’t want to be, of course, but I am. I’ve too many things unfinished that I want to share here, and I’ve still ample time to get it all done… I hope. But I need to work harder at it, but I also need to want to write. I desire to write, but I need to want to write.

There’s probably no difference, but I hope that I’m getting across how I feel. I hope it makes sense, what I’m saying here. Because I do want it to make sense, and I want to be more clear in my expression. I want to be able to get some sort of expressiveness across, but I’m still too bound by university science essays to find myself expressive enough, and that sucks. It is a me problem for sure, but it sucks. But that’s the way it is, sometimes. Or not sometimes.

I wonder how many words it takes to truly write something. How many words it takes to produce something written. How many words are left behind as one gets to that point where they finally have a work that they feel is strong enough, good enough, everything enough. I wonder, but I’m not looking to dwell upon the idea. There are other things in this life to worry about, and I think I’ve more important things to worry about at this moment, anyway. But I do wonder, because these things are worth wondering about. But you can’t spend forever wondering. You can’t spend an eternity ruminating upon these things. The process of creation is usually relegated to time where rest is necessary, and so one has to be economical with what they have. And that I also try to do, and I try hard where I can, and sometimes it doesn’t work. Sometimes it all falls apart along the way. But I still try, and I keep trying, and I’ll keep on trying until I can’t try anymore. Once I’m done, I’ll try again and again and again, and once I’ve wrapped everything up here, I can have a long rest before I get back to doing more writing. But gotta force myself through the weeds and around everything, and cut a path. And I’ve got to do that in time I don’t have much of, but maybe one day I will. I hope that’s the case.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:22:57

More stuff about the desire to write or do something or something about something.

Written at Dirty Red.

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