They say that silence is golden.

Hmmm…

It bloody well isn’t when you know something is wrong.

There were two major problems and they were both communication.

There is no denying that we are somewhat lacking in that area.

I wouldn’t communicate about my issues and insecurities. I wouldn’t talk about my general feelings a lot of the time either, pretending a lot of things were fine. I wouldn’t talk about these things to anyone and kept them inside as I felt that they were my problems only. Technically they are, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t discuss them with my ex.

They would manifest quite uhealthily, leading to some pretty big meltdowns and becoming a contributing factor to my negativity (I’ll stop with the self-plugging eventually), making me generally unpleasant to be around.

I would express what I considered problems in the relationship, but I’d let them come out as a set of instructions instead of actually discussing them in a more civilised manner.

My ex wouldn’t communicate about the problems she saw in the relationship. She would tell others though. Whilst we could have worked on them, I don’t feel she is entirely at fault in this regard due to my unpleasantness making it difficult to talk to me about things.

So how do I change this?

The negativity has reduced faster than I thought it would and it in turn has made my general responses more pleasent. Still have a way to go there though.

The other thing I need to do is stop pretending I feel everything is ok when I’m feeling stressed, insecure or down. The more open I am, the more likely I will discuss them calmly and not hide them away. In turn, the less I will be affected when I am feeling these things.

Now I know what I say next doesn’t apply to everyone there are many ways a relationship can function, but for those that it does, here is some advice that you will hear a lot because whilst it is obvious, you must not forget it:

Always communicate with your partner. A lot of the time it can be hard but if you want your relationship to be healthy, one of the things that must be constant is communication. It leads to better understanding, relating and general happiness.

Don’t be closed off from it and guard your feelings. It’ll really make your partner feel as though they can’t communicate with you and if that is how they feel, you run a high risk of losing a great person in your life.

It is good for you to be strong for your partner, but there is nothing wrong with lowering your guard around them.

This is something I should have paid more attention to and now I’m fighting a long battle I may have already lost to show the woman I love I’m worth another chance.

Sure, there were other issues, but communication has been a major one.

I’m not letting it be a problem again.