Apologies for the lower-than-usual quality of the below. Brain still in work mode.

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I don’t know anyone who likes to argue.

Actually, maybe I do, but I’m not entirely sure.

Anyway, I don’t like arguing.
I can’t express myself well through it.
Everyone ends up angry or upset afterwards.
The problem here is that I unintentionally seek it out.
I do this a lot.

Sometimes I’ll start a fight by using an opinion that whilst I may not believe, I’ll use anyway because it will antagonise the person I’m hanging out with. Other times I’ll start arguing because I’m tired and grumpy.

Whenever the opportunities arise, my brain switches off and all reasoning exits via window instead of staying and telling me not to start a fight.

That is a bad description of what happens, but it’s better than saying that it happens automatically ALL THE TIME.

A lot of it probably has to do with seeing my parents fly off the handle for little to no discernable reason often enough to have a lasting influence on me. However, it is my problem to deal with at this stage and it’s what I need to stop.

So how do I change this?

At the moment I haven’t fought with anyone for a while. Ewe has pointed this out to me and is pretty happy about it. However, this doesn’t mean it has stopped.

I’ve begun to become aware of times when I would normally begin arguing, which is good. This allows me to think before I open my mouth and therefore not anger others by automatically switching to… automatic.

Right now it’s a process I have to stay aware but it will eventually become something more natural to me.

But what about times when I argue because of something I do believe?

These would start because I would get quite defensive for no reason.

Well, it was probably out of a subconscious fear of questioning my own beliefs and opinions.

There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to get your views across but it can be done with full consideration of someone else’s and not being afraid of having your own challenged.

Again, it’s a bit of a think before I speak but this is also about accepting that any response or difference of opinion I allow in can only help to shape my views further instead of letting them stagnate. It also lets discussions stay on course and end more pleasantly instead of becoming a loud ego fueled wank-fest.

Well, here’s hoping I can pull out of this one.