Although I’ve been playing guitar for ten years now, I still suck at it. I know a lot of musicians say they’re not good despite what talent they may display, but I am truly not a good player.

Okay, that may be pushing it. Some people think I’m decent.

On a side note, many musicians say they’re not good because they think they’re not good as they recognise the need to constantly improve and play better. Playing an instrument can be a slippery slope.

Anyway, playing a guitar came easily. It’s not a difficult instrument. However, playing well has always eluded me.

For me, it’s not so much about playing well as it is what it does for me though.

For me, when I play an instrument, I feel completely alive. I don’t feel restrained in any way. Everything outside of the moment I am in doesn’t matter and I feel as though I have total freedom.

It feels very natural.

My apologies for how indulgent and pretentious that sounds, but it really is how I feel.

As much as I don’t want to admit this, my ex made me feel the same way.

A bit before she broke up with me, I started struggling with playing. I really had to force myself whenever I’d play my guitars or bass.

Post-break up, I had to force myself more.

Fe and I finished the instrumental tracks for our demo a while back and whilst we were happy, I was really struggling. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep working on music and was considering selling all my gear.

There were some song ideas I came up with in this time but they didn’t feel right.

For about a while I played rarely. I had no interest whatsoever.

About four weeks ago, I picked up one of my guitars on the weekend and started playing and everything came flooding back. It felt natural again.

However, I wasn’t sure if I still had the ability to make music in me, so I decided to record a few covers of songs I enjoyed.

That didn’t end up occurring though.

During the stressful week I had two weeks ago, I decided to write a really angry song.

That started on the Thursday. I had the instrumental tracks for it done by Saturday.

Ewe wants to write lyrics for it with me. This is something I’m looking forward to.

After I finished it, I started stuffing around a bit and came up with another idea. The instrumentals for it began and finished on Sunday. Whilst it is a longer song done over less time, it is mutch tighter and sounds better.

On Monday I had two more ideas I wanted to work on. Then I had two more by Thursday. Two of them had the instrumentals completed today. The other two should be done by Friday.

Does this please me a lot? Yes. It’s been a long time I’ve been able to record music with this much frequency.

I’m hoping it continues.