Already the morning has been long whilst also being short which is how the morning usually is anyway and that’s fine. It’s just been one of those days.
The earlier part of the morning started off well and now I’m sitting here, stewing in my thoughts and thinking about how roughly two years ago I essentially cut a good friend out of my life.
I think that I’m thinking about this at the moment more due to it being roughly two years more than anything else, but it still kind of hurts. Having to break away from a friend you’ve known for a while sucks, but if it has to be done then it has to be done. Health and all that.
Part of me feels as though I shouldn’t be writing about this as this is ground that I’ve covered more than enough, but at the same time the desire to write about this is there and so I’m going to entertain that desire and maybe look back at this one day and feel embarrassed about what I wrote, but who knows really?
I think that at the time I didn’t see it as a form of pruning the tree (so to speak). I more wanted my friend to acknowledge their general behaviour, which they did but defended which is at least taking a position, though not one that I agreed with.
Anyway, that’s about… yeah. It sucked then and it still sucks and I don’t know what else there is to say. At this stage I’m not sure if it is someone that I’d want to let back into my life. The metaphorical door is still open, though maybe not by much. I suppose that I leave it open by a slither as a just in case, but at the same time if my friend were to turn around and be open to talking again, I just don’t know. I think the length of time adds to that and not the whole “leaving people in the past” thing, though that certainly plays a part, but if it took this long for someone to start talking and instead of defending their being dishonest in a friendship, admitting that it was a shitty way to treat someone, whilst part of me would be glad to hear it, I just don’t know if I could go back. I don’t know if I could trust that person again.
At the same time it is good to try, but yeah. Ultimately it depends on how much of the past I’m fine with letting back into my life.
I miss my friend. Despite everything I do miss them. We had some fun times and great adventures. For a long time they were someone really close and as such there were a lot of fond memories, but they are just memories. Aside from the lying, they were increasingly less there when I needed them and I couldn’t keep giving if they wouldn’t do the same.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 12:55:00
Bit of a sad writing.
Took a bit longer than I’d hoped, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.
I feel as though this reads like a sympathy plea. Just want to clarify that it isn’t and it’s more my poor use of words that makes it read as such.
Written at home.