The idea is to go up and not down, but going down is what I am doing. There is a digging deeper, but there is no going deeper, if that makes sense.

Well, that is what I am thinking but perhaps there is another way that I am not perceiving. There are possibilities and admittedly I could very well be blind to a few of them, so let us see where this all leads and all that other stuff. Alternatively I could not, but perhaps it is time to stop trying to get out of the rut and go further and deeper into the hole and see where it all leads. Maybe there is some sort of merit in that.

I don’t want to believe that there is, however. If I start believing that, then I don’t know as to where this whole thing will lead. I don’t know if I even want to follow it. Maybe I will follow it though not through conscious choice of my own. Maybe I will go wherever the hole leads regardless of what I want to do as, no matter how hard I try there is no escaping whatever it is that I’ve gotten myself into, other than through furthering it and continuing on the trek that it leads.

Might need some light sources on the way down, however. It might get pretty dark. I’d rather not work in the dark as I’ve done so a few too many times; even with some light source it is not the easiest thing I’ve experienced. However, in cases of duress, I have to admit that this sis something that I will need to face and so I will face it in whatever way that I can.

Maybe I won’t face it at all and instead just pretend that it is not dark and push it away with pure, unadulterated denial. Sometimes that does work, but not always. Therefore I need to try and find where it would be the best place to do it, and also when the best time to do so.

Maybe instead of all of that I should just keep on fighting against what it is that I continually allow for myself to be dragged into and climb out of this deep hole I’ve dug. It might take a while but surely the potential for growth outside of the unknown is there and if I can tap into it, then maybe, just maybe I will become a better writer.

Only maybe; there is never any certainty, though of course there is confidence in the ability to face the unknown and take it on and all that other stuff that sounds good and makes this sound more inspirational than it actually is.

I’ve forgotten as to where I was meant to be going with this.

Well, with all of that being said, something something and I’ll rise above it all, but you can too if you put your mind to it, or something.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:25:70

Both perhaps blandly personal and messy.

Written at home.