Right now I want to write with some speed. I know that recently I said I need to slow down a bit, but I’m really in the mood to mash right now and so mashing is what I want to do. However, as it currently is, the cold does not want to allow me the choice to do so and so slowly is how I must write.

Maybe it’s not actually that slow and I’m just deluding myself, but… yeah… anyway…

So it is a long afternoon and perhaps that is the way it should be. Get more done now rather than later and then just get on with whatever it is that I need to get on with. Sometimes you succeed and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you just prolong, but you do make use of your time and all of that stuff.

Not sure as to where I was going with that.

It is a long afternoon and I’m sitting here wondering as to how I can write faster and perhaps that is not the thing t hat I should be thinking about. I should probably think about how I can make my writing better instead, but I don’t know if that is something that I feel like considering right now.

I probably should.

Anyway, the day is long. I sit here and I type and I listen to music and I try and add some sort of meaning to the banality of it all, but I wonder as to what the point is, if there is even a point at all. I also wonder as to how long it will take for me to finish this off. I hope it will be less time rather than more time, but what is considered less and what is considered more? It will always take more time, but I want it to take less than more so as to ensure that less time is used rather than more time, even though finishing this will always take more time.

It’s a conundrum of my own creation.

Perhaps I could just go on about the length of the day and see where that leads. I don’t think it will provide anything useful, but then again, maybe within the minutiae lies the answer to all and suddenly a depth unlike any other finds itself revealed to all. Suddenly the realisation that all of this made sense and was not necessarily a waste of time comes forward and all shall rejoice about this new discovery.

In this rejoicing there will be celebration and all that other stuff. There will be jubilation and there will be lots and lots of success. I will, however, ruminate on what it is that I engage with and wonder if victory truly is worth it all, or if I am just fooling myself into believing that it is. Then I will go on a long journey in order to ruminate upon things and truly work out as to whether it was all worth it. Then I will reflect upon myself and who I am and what it is that I want and all of those other things…

Wait; I wrote about that yesterday.

Anyway, there will be lots of celebration and joyousness and I will try and be the best that I can and then I will wake from my daydream and find that it is evening and I’m still sitting here, prattling on about things that are not overly important. I’ll wonder what I’m doing and then I’ll get back to doing it in a way that shows that I am indeed doing things whilst experiencing time moving slower than I had hoped. Such is the way of things but you do what you can where you can and how you can.

But seriously, I should get up. I’ve sat here for long enough and need to take a bit of a break. I need to rest my eyes and do other things for a while. I need to engage in the experience of routine cleaning and taking out the rubbish so I can get back to sitting here and spacing out whilst I try to work out things in the hopes that I get somewhere that isn’t the place where I started. Well, it could be the place that I started but there needs to be some sort of change.

Then again, if there is no change that still is something upon which I could ruminate. I could think about things and think about why there was no change. Perhaps there is change in that, but it’s not change that I’d notice easily or something. I don’t know; I’m just thinking about things and wondering and trying to work out why it is that I’m writing all of this out right now. This is loose and there’s little connection (or is there?) and I feel like doing this bit of writing might not have been the best idea I’ve had. Not the worst, but not the best either.

Well, I guess with all of that being said it is time to wrap this up and move toward the next thing. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that it holds something and I’ll need to grapple with that at some point in my life. I know that if I grapple with whatever it is that the future holds, I’ll be able to go on and then in going on I’ll be able to take care of other things and… well, I think I’ve said all that I can say, really.

Actually I can say more but I don’t feel like it. It’s cold and I’m complaining and I’m thinking too much about this and not enough about what I need to do for the rest of the evening. Could be worse however, and so I’ll try to not be too heavy, or something. Whatever makes sense, or does not; it doesn’t matter right now.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 11:00:71

Not sure why I wrote this. I feel that I may have been too disjointed in thought when I started and it carried on through and… well, the result speaks for itself.

Written at home.